Never before had the BBC needed to commission a TV series so quickly as in the case of Going Straight. After the runaway success of Porridge and Fletch getting out having done his time, The Beeb wanted to continue the success, and so came up with Going Straight Back Inside. A simple plot that involved him being observed by Mr Mackay leaving Slade prison, and finding no-one waiting for him outside to collect him, steals a car (Mackays car) to drive home.

At the last minute though the Home Office refused the use of any of Her Majestys Chokies on the basis that they were giving the impression that life inside was a giggle. Unable to find suitable sets to fake a prison in time to film, the series was hastily rewritten as Going Straight at the eleventh hour.

Next: Noddy Holder.

welcome back Rod, had a good time?

yes thanks Colly although conditions on some of the fells were hard going....luckily being of Time Lord stock if anything had gone wrong I could have relied on regeneration to get me out of trouble though in this instance no more than Kendal Mint Cake was required

next: The Space/Time Continuum

Albert Einstein, the Yorkshire cricketer, is commonly regarded as the man who unified space and time into the 4 dimensions of the space/time continuum. But this was all a mistake. Commenting on the state of cricket at the time (1905) he said: EEEEE by eck, t MCC are like square peg int round ole. A slightly deaf physicist in the crowd picked this up as E=MC squared, and told everyone Einstein was a genius.

Later asked about this he replied: Theory of rela-what? Ive got misen a theory abaht me relatives theyre all bastards after me money!

Next: fast leg theory.

cheers colly, like 'em all infact, maybe just us 3 but they make me laugh - I still want to see Wifred Hyde White in the Canal and the Canine, wish it existed! lol

.....maybe just us 3....

Make that 4 - always have a catchup session when the thread rises to the top (as cream does).
Only managed 1 small contribution so far but live in hope.

ttt

lol

You could buy 1.43 times as much old rope with old money as you can polypropylene rope with polypropylene money.

Next: Static Lines

Good God, Stevie Strikes. Haven't 'seen' you for about 4 years. Hope you are fine and in profit.

Tomorrow a rare cosmological event will occur in the constellation of the Great Leighs. Astronomers believe the irregular orbits of several heavenly bodies will be seen for the first time, although they have been saying this for several years!

Patrick Moore himself predicts that the asteroid, Temple of Thebes, will cross the azimuth at around 2.10 GMT before a shower of lesser bodies has crossed the heavens. He has calculated that the pronounced tendency to spin left in her orbit will see this planetoid advance more decisively in her anti-clockwise orbit of the sun. He has also spotted in his telescope that this brief flurry of cosmic activity will end around 5.20 GMT when the Siena Star is the first star to rise in the east.

Astronomers have warned though that these cosmic events are hard to predict, and advise against undue optimism that a) the events will occur at all, and b) that Patrick Moore knows what end of the telescope he should be looking through!

Next: White City.

The film The Wizard of Oz, while magical in its own right , was in fact a corruption of an earlier black and white early Ealing movie ' Dotty Goes West' . Dorothy was of course the title character Dotty in the original ( a landmark debut for Irene Handl) who woke up in the East End of London after a drunken binge with a dream that she must follow Brick Lane until she reached the fabled White City dog track. On the way she was joined by a series of hapless characters, an old tramp who needed money, a bin man who had no conscience and a lily livered cat lover before fianlly reaching her goal when everyone had a successful night by backing 6 and 5s through the card in forecast trebles. Throughout the whole road trip the quartet were faced with the threat of wicked Queen Shirley Porter and her evil minions trying to sell the City for a pound and send Dotty back to the frozen wastes of Dagenham from whence she came. Needless to say, Hollywood moguls tarted up the story somewhat before hitting the silver screens.

next: The Circle Line Pub Crawl

.

Once upon a time
There was a playground
And in that playground
There was a roundabout

One day, many years ago
Little Tommy Toes
And his friend Sparky
Went into the playgound
For it was in Stoke

'Hey' said Tommy to Sparky
'Lets get on the roundabout'
'Feck off' said Sparky 'I'm drunk'
But they sat on it anyway.

Tommy started to make it go round
Faster and faster it went
Until suddenly it lifted off the ground
And soared into the air.

'Feck me this is good stuff' said Sparky
Looking at his half empty bottle
'No we're really flying' said Tommy
'Look there's Victoria Park down there'

After what seemed days
The roundabout began to lose height
And it landed in a magical land called Chit-Chat
Where they lived happily ever after.

(Sorry you two...you know I love you)

Next: Old Football Grounds

Zebedee was right.

After Stonehenge ran into disuse, its purpose became unclear for a number of centuries and it fell down. When the little-talked about Scottish Invasion of AD930 reached as far south as the Henge, they found it laying flat on the ground. The cook of the invasion force, Mcdougal, had a bright business idea that the stones could be used to grind flour on an industrial scale. Long after the Scotts had returned home, Mcdougal and his mates set about grinding up wheat and supplying it as ready-made flour to the local population. Salisbury Plain Flour has long since been out of production, but the clan Mcdougal are still going strong in the flour making business today, thanks to their intrepid ancestor.

Next: Flower of Scotland.

A grave mistake occurred one day at the Embassy Wold Snooker Championships when referee Len Ganley was summoning snooker players from their dressing rooms by 'phone .
His Northern Irish burr was misunderstood by the lackey taking the call and instead of Silvino Francisco being told to "let's go" he ushered everyone in the immediate vicinty to the nearest airport and, in keeping with his earlier faux pas, booked them on a flight to the 'city by the gay'.
No records remain of how many browns were potted during the trip.

Next: Snooker loopy

When Arthur Fowler was killed off in Eastenders, it was with some surprise that he resurfaced as head of NASA. It is believed that it was his decision to send Voyager 6 to the Andromeda galaxy, which included among its examples of humanity by way of a welcome should an alien intelligence happen upon the craft, the DVD A Right**ney Knees Up!, a compilation of Ray Winstones best film clips including -

From his Henry V111: Fah F[i]ux sake, Anne Boleyn, you**![/i]

From his Beowulf: Fah F[i]ux sake Grendels mother, you**![/i]

From his Sweeney Todd: Fah F[i]ux sake - get yur air cut, you**![/i]

From his captain of the Enterprise in Star Trek, The Lubbly Jubbly Generation: Fah F[i]ux sake - come near my manor again and Ill vaporise you, you alien**![/i]

Next: Come up and see me, make me smile.

lol, rhymes with Swag

Leave the farming and wildlife advisory group out of this, colly, they are not to be messed with!