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Specials were invented in American Diner Bars, owners of which soon catching on that their patrons couldnt be bothered to read or simply couldnt read the menus and found it easier to ask for the 'special' instead. Specials usually consist of dustbin leftovers mixed with ham and eggs and are traditionally served with a cinnamon latte. Authentic specials should be served by an ageing vest-wearing unshaven chef with swarthy European looks. It is now a visa requirement that anyone wishing to enter the US is required to eat a special at customs to prove their love of the USA.
Next: The Fifth Amendment |
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Beethoven was a composer who was never happy with his work and was contantly tinkering and fiddling with his compositions, each seperate change was then known as an 'amendment' and catalogued as such. The most famous of these was the fifth amendment of Beethovens Symphony No. 5 in C Minor (Op. 67) (1808) this is now better known as 'The Hollyoaks' theme tune
Next: Radio 5's Rhod Sharp |
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rhod sharp rose to fame for his announcements of missiles falling on baghdad during the first gulf war.sadly he was later conscrioted to serve inthe bristish forces in the gulf and a spel on th esidelines folowed.he is now serving in afghanistan, but was knighted last year.on returning home, he wishes to settle in cork.
next:germaine jackson |
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Germaine is a name derived from the words German and Humane a combination never before thought possible. Jackson's derivative cannot be explained at this time pending a court case in Hoboken, New Jersey involving one of his less well know brothers.
Next: Quentin Tarrantino |
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Quentin Tarrantino is the love-child of Quentin Crisp and a Tarrantula.
Next: Psychopaths |
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Due to an error by the translation department of the UN, there are currently more psychopaths in Holland than the rest of the world put together, principally to be found on the side of dykes and canals.
next: Dyke jumping |
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Dyke jumping is the most popular event in the pentathlon at the gay olympics. It is sadly not politically correct to go into detail about the other four events...
Next: Polital correctness |
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The sad plight of Political Correctness, a south african landscape gardener, is one which whilst not knowing the details - the vast majority of the British public know full well the conclusion.
In the autumn of 1986 Political suffered a succession of disastrous business enterprises, his wife left him for his sister, his dog got runover and his beloved rugby team Capetown Crusaders turned into a effeminate dance troop. All this proved too much for Political and one morning he awoke believing that if he didn't eat all his own socks and those of everyone around him he would die. Following a particularly embarrassing incident at the Capetown branch of Clarkes, the authorities decided for his own safety that Political should be sectioned. For some reason the British tabloids latched on to this, regularly producing headlines of 'Political Correctness gone mad!!!' Why the sad plight of a south african lowly gardener should garner such interest is anybody's guess. Next: Chernobyl |
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On a recent tour of the Chernobyl area to assess to risk posed by radiation to the local populus, members of the WHO were shocked to report that many locals were giving off a glow when walking to work in the morning. If only they were aware that Ukrainians were the worlds largest consumers of Ready Brek they wouldnt have been quite so flabbergasted. Ask anyone from Kiev and you will realise it is the staple breakfast diet and sales of the new borscht flavour have skyrocketed throughout the country in the last 12 months.
next: Chicken Kiev |
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Due to a terrible fixation with Marks and Spencer's first ready-meal, Alex Haley forgot all about his ancestory for a short time and all first editions of his best-seller were pulped, as the name Chicken Kiev didn't seem quite as authentic as Chicken George.
Next: Roots |
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Originally pioneered by the plant family, roots have in recent years grown in popularity amongst the hair and tooth community.
Next: tooth enamel. |
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In a nefarious deal brokered some time ago with Columbian drug cartels. Tooth enamel taken from teeth collected by the tooth fairy is ground down and used to cut 32% of the worlds cocaine.
Next: Monty Panesar |
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a descendant of the great cricketer w.g.grace.also linked with monty python and the indian spinner b s bedi.
next:clare balding |
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Clare Balding likes to wear very comfortable shoes!
Next: Idi Amin |
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Contrary to the title of the recent film about him, Idi Amin was not 'The Last King of Scotland' although he was made a freeman of the city of Edinburgh in the 1970s. He was often heard to remark how fond he was of the city and in particular of Hearts.
The kings of Scotland bloodline was in fact rumoured to end with Crossroads character Shughie Mc Fee next: Tossing the caber |
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The Scottish Caber Tossing Association is today celebrating as its campaign to have Caber Tossing made a cumpolsory sport in Scottish schools has been ratified by the Scottish Parliament. Size of Cabers and the amount of tossing allowed is dependent on the size, weight and hair colour of the indvidual students.
Next: Cold Fusion |
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Cold Fusion is the great hope for supplying the energy needs of the planet when fossil fuel runs out. It involves getting polar bears to cycle endlessly on electricity generating bicycles on account of thier ever so strong legs.
Next: Strong mints |
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Strong mints are notorious in many sports as the ultimate performance enhancing substance. There is supposedly an elite client list held in the boardroom of Trebor which supplies the great and the good with their mint addiction consisting of many sporting Illuminati....Linford Christie, Ben Johnson, Lance Armstrong, Paula Radcliffe, Carlton Palmer and Quixall Crossett are all rumoured to be privileged clients
next: Pumping iron |
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Pumping Iron is the nom deplume of forumite Pumphol when he posts on the Extreme Ironing forum, but he likes to keep that between his Morphy Richards and himself.
Next: The Scarlet Pimpernel |
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The Scarlet Pimpernel had to be completely rewritten in the 1800s as it was offending Victorian sensibilities. Originally simply known as the 'Scarlet Pimp' , Sir Percy Blakeney used to 'rescue' luscious French aristo women only to employ them for his own lewd purposes back in the English court.
An early Paul**type, Sir Percy was a common sight in well heeled society checking up on his '**es' while wearing outrageous fur hats. next: Masked Balls |
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masked balls started in england at around 1000ad.gentleman and ladies would dance wearing masks to hide theie identity.this practice was later abolished by 1700.the dances were very much the same as today's-pole,cha cha cha, tango,waltz etc etc.
next:john mccrick |
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ttt
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john mccrick is the only man in history to be both fatter than he is ugly and uglier than he is fat at the same time
next: time |
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In the words of David Bowie, 'Time...she flexes like a ** falls w@nking to the floor'...a phrase that was in fact copied word for word from William Hartnell in the first episode of Doctor Who and was later used unsuccessfully as a slogan for Sekonda watches
next: daleks |
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this thread cannot be exterminated
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It is a well known fact that daleks are related to elephants, as neither of them can jump.
Next: Big ears |
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Evening Tommy!
The character 'Big Ear's in the Noddy cartoons actually resulted from a typo. Kim Wilde was originally scripted to play a character called 'Big Arse' but due to a forum style spellchecker it was changed and, as she did not have big ears, the role was given to Mike Reid |
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Hello Sparky. What's 'next'?
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Abdul.
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Had to laugh at that, Fubar!
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hehe
Next: Abdul Latif, Lord of Harpole |
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Abdul Latif, Lord of Harpole, is the manager of the Curry Capital restaurant on Newcastle's Bigg Market, and a regular in Viz magazine. The fact that his name is an anagram of I LADLE POTFUL OF LABRADOR (give or take an H or two) is purely coincidental, despite the findings of the Tyneside Animal Welfare Department in 1996.
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We need a next, Aziraphale.
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ttt for luff
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Aziraphale is a fictional angel in the novel Good Omens by Terry Pratchett.
The book introduces him by the following passage : "Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide." This is completely inacurate as monkeys have never needed nitrous oxide to be happy they prefer to smoke banana skins. Next: Robin Van Persie |
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On 24th October 1415, Henry Monmouth had managed to drag his dishevelled band of men across the River Somme and set camp in a field adjacent to a castle known as Agincourt. That night, as his weary troops contemplated the battle to come, Henry donned disguise and set forth amongst his men to gauge the humour of his force and divine the likelihood of victory on the morrow.
Henry was much encouraged by the fortitude and discrete courage on display that sorry eve. In particular, he happened upon a man-at-arms known as Llewellyn. A Welshman, no less, and a countryman of the King himself, who had had the great fortune to have been born upon that blessed land. Conversation about the soon-come-on trial ensued, whereupon Llewellyn entreated upon devout Harry to grant himself the leading of the Vanguard on the morrow. This was a ready honour to ask, and be asked of. Many a true knight and noble could think himself as deserving of the honour as Llewellyn, if not more so, yet good Harry rightly and readily proferred his consent. The day of Battle broke. Henry, preoccupied with the readying of his troop, did sally forth thither and yon. The French, hard and fast at the bit for ready action, did for once stow away their white flags. Alack, Llewellyn, sad to relate, had been a sorry wretch the whole morrow eve, enduring a severe deliverance of the foreign belly. Laid low the whole night, he could but tarry behind with the baggage train, sorrowfully bemoaning his wretched fortune. But one gallant soldiers misfortune is anothers history. Henry Percy, eldest son and heir of the 6th Earl of Northumberland, had early intelligence of Llewellyns poor fate. The Northumberland gentry had a mixed narrative with Henry Monmouth and his father Henry Bollingbroke. At first of true and steadfast support, with ready hand to aid Bollingbroke in the userpation of Richard II, the Percys had recentmost turned against the crown, most significantly at Shrewsbury in 1405. At once stripped of land and titles, Henry the younger had of only foremost time been granted these values back. Desperate to display his refound loyalty to the crown, Percy would brook no object in his way on this historic morn. With a swiftness jealous of Mercury, Henry Percy didst present himself prostrate ahead of Monmouth and, with speech a-flower of all that doth make Churchill blush with latency, entreated the admiring King to bestow upon himself, nary regarding that which hath been granted the unfortunate Welshman, the leading of the van. Hence, the epithet that has followed Henry, 7th Earl of Northumberland, for evermore, of Robbing Van Percy. Next: Rorkes Drift |
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Welcome to the fold, Cobblaz.
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Just noticed Lady Penelope posted on the first page of this. Quite liked that mad bat.
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Compared with the tripehounds about these days, his/her contributions seem comparatively normal, Bodil.
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