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While travelling in Australia for the infamous Bodyline Series in 1932/33, Percy Shaw noticed an abundance of feral camels.
As the discontent with all things English grew during the tour, he tried to salvage some grace for the nation by offering to fit all roving dromedaries with reflective panels, thus ensuring the local Australian citizens wouldn't get the hump in the bush. The offer was refused, as these 'Camel Lights' were thought by some to be another cunning plan engineered by master tactician Douglas Jardine to disorient the good folk of Australia and have them diving, head first, into the nearest billabong as the Ashes slipped from their grasp. Undeterred, Percy came home and put his invention to use for his fellow victorious English folk as they staggered along the highways and byways in drunken celebration. Next: Cat's eyes (sic) |
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Beside the sharp, piercing eyes with night-vision of a cat or other feline, a number of things are called Cat's Eye:
Cat's eyes are a type of road marker using retroreflectors however if you touch them with the car wheels, you had better hope there are no police cars behind you next : car tyres |
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if all the rubber in car tyres on earth was made into string 1cm thick it would go to the moon and bock 1000000 times
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next bacteria
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as any devout scholar of Greek myths and legends will know, Bacteria was the name of a cursed beautiful nymph who enticed callow youths with her astonishing good looks and the obligatory tune on her harp...however a kiss from her proved deadly as it released a foul demon from the underworld called Herpes, who terrorised Athenians for many years until Bacteria was slain by the mighty warrior Domestos of Sparta
next: Jason and the Argonauts |
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Jason and the Argonauts were the greek equivalent of the modern day Monkees - their 'Adventures' were acted in ampitheartres all over Greece and Macedonia to enourmous popular acclaim. The Scripts were re-discovered in a Mykonos' goat herders hut in 1961. Ray Harryhausen then bought them in a boot sale and used them to great effect in his 1963 adaptions.
The tragedy of this story is that he would only stump up the cash for the scripts, refusing to pay for the lyrics and music - this led to such classics as 'Last cart to Athens' and 'Randy Turkish Git' being lost forever. Although it is rumoured that Neil Diamond was seen in the area at the time. Next: Goats |
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Goats are believed to be responsible for the extinction of all trolls in the last millennia. Trolls were generally harmless creatures who would only resort to threats of violence if you tried to cross the bridges in which they used to live beneath.
In an attempt to escape extinction at the hands of the charging nannies, a group of trolls were belived to have fled to America where they cross populated with the local population, resulting in the indigenous race of Texas next: Grassy knolls |
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modern pop group from liverpool who are tryimg to follow the beatles.also have indian connections -meditation, sitar ,etc.look to have a bright future
next:madonna |
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Madonna has not been the same since she fell, although her big boobies are some recompense.
Next: British Airmen |
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Material Girl - Madonna is in fact nothing of the sort. It has recently been proven in a court case brought by lawyer Herman Vieglestein in Cumberland, Rhode Island that she is in fact the only living example of a being created by the dual copula strategy and as such a non existent object. The last known example being Albert Barrowcliffe of Ilkeston, Derbyshire who unfortunately died in a bizzare accident whilst participating in a conga line at his daughter Margot's wedding in 1974.
Next: The Conga |
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ahem!
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oh nuts you must have done it whilst i was typing :(
sorry sparky |
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lol, well it WAS worth four minutes!
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this is a country in africa where they dance in a peculiar way holding each other's back hence the name.also linked with julius caesar-i came isaw i congad
next garham norton |
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i was called away very briefly to a minor kitchen incident (my veg was boiling over) mid post
ho hum :) |
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Garham Norton is the lesser known twin brother of hilarous camp comic Graham Norton. I say lesser know he is in fact well known to the authorities for his continous harrasement of British Airman with his constant shrill crys of 'GO ON SHOW ME YOUR FLAPS'
Next: Double entendres (there that should sort out any loose ends :)) |
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this comes from the french .entendres are french auctions.when there are two bidders this is called a double entendre.the higher bidder wins
next :jeremy clarkson |
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Contrary to popular belief, Jeremy Clarkson has never passed his driving test and does not own a car. On the rare occasions that he leaves his Gloucestershire home he does so by Segway or pony and trap.
Next: Segways. |
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Segways have failed to become the official mode of transport for the halls of the House of Commons - whilst popular misconceptions lead to the reason being one of cost. The actual reason is that it would be deemed undignified for elected members of parliament to be seen on these modern contraptions, and for that reason it has been decided to stick with the more traditional pogo-sticks
Next: Fruit**tails |
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Fruit**tails contain neither Fruit nor Tail. Just big, throbbing**.
Next: Betfair's naughty word filter. |
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It is amazing and little know fact that Betfair's naughty word filter is **** **** ** *** *** *** ******* **** **** **** and quite ***** *** **** ******* **** ** ****** * ** comprehensive.
Next: Astrix |
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astrix is another of walt disney's creations.this is a long eared rabbit made immortal like all of disney's creations.the name is derived from the punctuation mark -the asterix.
next: the scarlet pimpernel |
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scarlet pimpernel is such an elusive person.........the fact that I don't answer my mother's texts or phone calls, she has started calling me the elusive pimpernel
next: Mothers |
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Moths, as everyone knows have become a much sort after delicacy in large regions of Scotland especially when deep fried. This has led to an illicit trade in moths which has become so lucrative that large gangs of 'Mothers' such as the 'Leith side Map-Wings' and the 'Pittenweem Festoons' constantly battle for control of the ileagal Moth trade.
With the opening up of european borders Police fear an influx of Romanian and Bulgarian 'Mother' gangs that could flood the market with fake moths and indeed in some cases butterflys!!! Next: Mars Bars |
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were started in 1919 by the mars co in slough berks following the ist world war to improve nutrition in the uk.abour 40 million are now consumed in the uk daily.the original recipe is unchanged.it is the worlds most popular snack .
next: coronation street |
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Coronation Street is the headquarters of the multinational responsible for Coronation Chicken. It was formerly the home of Max Tesco, the actor who played Brains in Thunderbirds.
Next: EGG |
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Operation EGG (Europe Going German) was the highly successful secret project planned out by Europe's Royal families at the beginning of the 20th century to populate all palaces palaces across the continent with a German noble family by the end of the millenium.
Although full details are still sketchy, full papers are due to be released later this year after a 100 year wait. next: Battenburg cake |
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Battenburg markings are high-visibility yellow and blue/green/red/black fluorescent chequered vinyl squares, affixed in recent times (since 2001 or so) to the sides of Emergency service vehicles in the United Kingdom in order to make them more visible on the roads. This developed from earlier experiments when Battenburg cakes were selotaped to the sides of vehicles. This proved disatrous as not only were ambulances chased by lawyers but also poor people and pensioners.
Next: Rainbows |
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After the huge success of the original Rainbow series there became a large number of copycat programmes resulting in many lawsuits in the 1980s. In the most notable case, Rod, Jane and Freddie moonlighted from the programme to star in their own porn version of the show. Alas, as soon as the first video was released it had to be taken off the shelves due to an injunction by Zippy who objected to the depraved way he was depicted in this artistic piece. George soon followed although Bungle remained strangely silent during the whole affair
Rare copies can still be found for inflated prices in certain Amsterdam establishments. next: Going Dutch |
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As everyone knows Holland is the lowest, flattest country on the planet. What this has meant however is that the Dutch have genetically developed an extraordinary aversion to heights. This results in dizzy spells and fainting fits whenever they reach a height of over 15ft above sea level. The only solution to this malaise is to lay flat on the ground and pull themselves along by their arms - this is what is known as 'Going Dutch' It also explains why you don't get many Dutch tourists!
Next: Haemoglobin |
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Heamo was a very bright red dyslexic goblin.
Next: goblin |
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According to some traditions, goblin comes from 'Gob' or 'Ghob', the king of the gnomes, whose inferiors were called Ghob-lings. Although what you have to do to be inferior to an old bloke who sits on a mushroom with a fishing rod is anybody's guess.
Next: Aubergines |
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the aubergine is actuallu a fruit of the egg plant.plants have been genetically engineered with eggs to produce these egg like, purple fruits.they are delicious served with potatoes and sauce and are very common in indian restaurants.
next:miss uk -danielle lloyd |
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Danielle Lloyd - great grand daughter of silent film star Harold Lloyd was scheduled to recreate one of Harold's greatest ever scenes but confusion arised as Danielle's agent thought that hanging from a clock was a bit old hat - and a more modern angle was required. Moves were made for her to hang for 24 hours, in a David Blaine style to someone's** - but unfortunately celebrity big brother kicked in before hand. Watch this space!!!
Next: The Hubble Telescope |
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The Hubble Space Telescope was the climax of the extraordinary story of Charlie Hubble, a bone setter form Huddersfield with a penchant for astronomy. From an early age Charlie dreamed of seeing the star in the best way possible and during his lifetime collected more Green Shield stamps than any other person in Yorkshire. His dream nearly ended when the stamps company disappeared and momentarily all seemed lost until Argos proved willing to accept them in exchange for goods.
Comprising of an everyday refractor telescope (RRP 99.99) hooked up to a Sinclair ZX81 (he tried to get a Commodore 64 but didnt have sufficient stamps) the resulting contraption was encased solely in old baked bean tins. It proved such a groundbreaking innovation that NASA were suuficiently impressed to buy it off him for 100 million dollars before its launch in 1990. It still orbits the earth to this day providing wonderful images and Charlie was rewarded with the Earldom of Hebden Bridge for his services although he turned his back on the trappings of luxury to live out his days in his beloved council house next: Pontefract |
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Pontefract still suffers to this day from the massive reparations incurred as a result of the ill fated 1967 Cake wars with Eccles and Dundee.
Dundee especially has delighted in using the money for a fake beach at the municiple duck pond! Next: Specials |