We want to share an important update with our Betfair Community users.
Over the coming months, the Betfair Community platform will be winding down. The final active day for the platform will be December 21st. From December 22nd, users will no longer be able to access the platform.
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The Jackal was nickname of the would-be assassin of President De Gaulle in Frederick Forsyth's novel, The Day of the Jackal. Edward Fox starred in the film version.
Next: the Flying Fox |
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The Flying Fox was the replacement nickname given to Peter Bonetti after an enraged teamate booted him over the crossbar in the 1970 World Cup whilst shouting that he didn't give a 'flying f***' if the hapless goalie had forgotten to put his lucky Basil Brush underpants on for the match.
Next: The Cat |
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The Cat is the nickname of Bob Bevan, Britain's leading after dinner speaker, who was a goalkeeper in his youth. Famous for his refreshngly clean comedy, Bob often speaks at sporting occasions and charity fundraisers and was awarded the MBE in 2004. His best-selling biography is entitled 'Nearly Famous'.
Next: Nye Bevan |
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Cat Stephens is well know recording artist. It is an amazing but little known fact that Cat Stephens can point both of his ears directly back wards while his look directly forward, just like a cat.
Next: Egg Whiskers |
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Nye Bevan was good a Whisking Eggs and creating health care systems that were funded out of general taxation and free at the point of need ( with in available resources). Amazingly he did not know that Ctrl N some times requires the use of numbers greater than 2000.
Next: Screw ups. |
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Screw UPS was an ill fated advertising campaign employed by FedEx which led to the loss of 4 million grumpy fat credit card thieves during the 2015 Postal Wars. The Royal Mail was entirely wiped out, however a breeding pair of post-persons has been cloned from the DNA found on a stolen passport from the day.
Next: Hare Lip |
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Egg whiskers (American spelling) is a new breakfast food for cats - the ideal way for your moggy to start the day.
Next: Pussy Galore |
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An anagram of PUSSY GALORE is A SLY U.S. GROPE, which interestingly enough is what Sean Connery enjoyed during the filming of Goldfinger.
Next: Gold. |
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"I've got a gold" is what Malcolm used to say to his mum on the Sinex advert.
Next: Bunged up |
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If you have recently been bunged up, the chances are that the chap who just bunged you up was actually MAZHER MAHMOOD of the News of the World.
Next: Mazher Mahmood. |
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Mazher Mahmood is the second cousin twice removed of Monitor Mymood, a well known chef who either kills his customers with kindness or poisons them.
Next: Schizophrenia |
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muyrfdewwsa
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Schizophrenia was the failed sequel to Quadrophenia. In a similar vein, it was based on the story of Nigel Kennedy, a violinist who at times would seem the epitome of a controlled virtuoso performer but at other times assumed the guise of a Brummie head banging rocker. Mood changes were often visible by his change of accent.
The film bombed at the box office, largely due to a massive piece of miscasting with Ray Winstone as Nigel next: Choosing the right breakfast cereal |
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Choosing the right breakfast cereal is not to be underestimated as Jack, beer gut, Filocaster, age 47, found out. Jack is noted amoung his friends as the dumbest of men as after, inexplicably, treating Miss November 1997 to the most sexually satisfying night of her life he ruined his chances of ever seeing her again when the in the morning he choose a bowl of Captain Crunch in stead of the Corn Flakes which Miss Novermber had made clear the night before was a precondition for seeing any one for a second date.
Next: Shattered Dreams |
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'Shattered dreams' is the new easy to make dessert from a well known food manufacturer - especially for Betfairians.
It's similar to Dream Topping, but just as you're ready to wallow in a creamy, sweet, gooey mess of delight, the confection splinters and you find your spoon scooping at thin air. Next: Illusions |
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Despite experiencing a degree of success in the early eighties, African music dance combo 'The Goombay Dance Band' only ever released one album 'Illusions' in 1983. This one album is actually owned by forum favourite Sparkmaster. Sparkmaster plans to keep this album safe ,somewhere in his 'Star Trek' room particularly when he is enjoying a shandy or a couple of frames of 'Hide the Bicycle Pump' with his new lodger, Bernard.
Next: Shandy |
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Shandy is a common term for a**tail type drink based largely on beer. It is important to clarify with the barperson involved as to what what type of shandy is required as there are many different versions. The most common is a lemonade shandy, though in other cases a ginger ale shandy or if the barmaid is of particularly pleasing appearance, a hand shandy may be the most pleasing aperitif available (the latter is usually frowned upon in wetherspoons outlets)
next: Happy Hours |
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Happy Hours are the few minutes when the missus is either asleep or away on business. In these moments of pure, noiseless bliss I can dig out the weed, porn and Wotsits.
Next: Yellow** |
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Along with Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull, Yellow**was one of the Sioux chiefs responsible for the downfall of Custer at Little Big Horn. After the unfortunate demise of Crazy Horse, he attempted to unite his warriors but their constant s**ing at his unfortunate name made his position untenable. Victorian attitudes dismissed his name from the history books and YP ended his days busking around the capital cities of Europe performing both traditional Indian melodies and covers of Abba
next: Pan Pipes |
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lol, f*ck off Clarkson!
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The pan pipes were invented by the celtic druids as an aid for masturbation. With the arrival of Christianity in Europe, these sex toys were thrown into the atlantic and washed up on the shores of South America. The local indigenous population viewed these objects as a gift from their many gods and promptly composed "El Condor Pasa", to annoy the followers of monotheistic religions for millenia
Next: Paganism |
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LOL Sparky :D
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Paganism took off in the UK after the cult film The Wicker Man became popular in the 1970s. It became de rigueur to find huge wicker constructions in suburban council estates throughout the country and at one time a 'do it yourself Wicker Man' kit was the top seller in Argos. A wicker tax was introduced by the Thatcher government to arrest the decline in the country's virgin population which seemed to stop the trend. However, with the advent of the new Nicolas Cage movie, shops across the UK and America are bracing themselves for a similar trend to take off
next: Elvis impersonators |
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Elvis Impersonators was born in 1933 in Huddersfield, the eldest son of Charlie Chaplin Impersonators and Unconvincing Female Impersonators. He had a sister, Betty Grable Impersonators, but liitle is known of her.
In his schooldays, Impersonators was subjected to ridicule, owing to the fact that Elvis Presley, on whom he modelled himself, had not yet come to public prominence. In later years, after Presley became a worldwide star, Imperosnators was still subjected to ridicule owing to the fact that he was sh1t. Next: Heartbreak Hotel. |
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Heartbreak Hotel offers excpetional value top those seeking a weekend break, although the 'continental breakfast' consists of a damp croissant in a polythene bag.
Next: Croissants |
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Croissants was the name of Marie Antionette's favourite shih'tzu. Afforded considerable power in the French court, after her execution Croissants was the figurehead of an unsuccessful attempt by the aristocrats to suppress the populus. The French dog loving public wanted to have him executed but he was saved in a daring raid by the Scarlet Pimpernel, Sir Percy Blakeney and taken back to England to become best of breed at Crufts. The event was commemorated in Paris by the introduction of a new breakfast pastry.
next: The Guillotine |
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The Guillotine was invented by Tommy Cooper for his stage show, but his wife used it more often for chopping carrots.
Next: Kitchen gadgets |
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Kitchen gadgets were invented in the 1970s by Ronco. The acknowledged leaders in their field of producing totally useless items that no one wanted, they were responsible for the very first gadget, the Ronco Glass Froster, although it is for their utterly crap Mr Microphone that they are perhaps best known
next: Christmas Shopping |
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The pioneers of Christmas shopping were Messrs Balthasar, Melchior and Gaspar, better known as the Three Wise Men. However, they were not all that wise, as they left it to the last minute and ended up with gold, frankincense and myrrh, which are pretty cruddy presents for a new-born baby when you think about it.
Next: myrrh. |
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Myrrh were the first Welsh team to qualify for the first round of the Inter-City Fiars Cup. They lost to Wlazlaw Spaztik on away goals.
Next: the Pole Vault |
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The Pole Vault is located in a secret area of London's East End. Normally kept sealed, it is rumoured that it will be opened in 2011 to supply reliable builders if the Olympic site is behind schedule.
Next: National stereotypes. |
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National stereotypes were first used by the Germans, who, despite arriving at the idea several decades after the Brtish, had put out towels a century earlier.
Next: Boris Becker. |
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Boris Becker allegedly fathered a child in 5 seconds in a broom cupboard at top London eaterie Nobu. Which is funny, cause it has the word "Nob" in it. Hahaha.
Next: Quickies. |
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[b]Quickies![/b...
...is what Barbara Woodhouse used to shout when she was demanding her husband gave her oral pleasure. Next: Vomit |