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Due to be included in the 2012 London Olympics , current world leaders in this big spectator sport are Brazil, although rather unsurprisingly it is taking off fast in Sweden and Germany. Gerald Sinstadt has already put his name down to commentate
next: Voyeurism |
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Voyeurism is due to be included in the 2012 London Olympics , current world leaders in this huge spectator sport are Sweden, although rather unsurprisingly it is taking off fast in the Ivory Coast and Iceland (there is a longer warm up period in the latter). John Motson has already put his name down to commentate.
next: John Motson |
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John Motson gave thanks today and prostrated himself at the new Wembley Stadium when he found out his boring diatribes weren't due to him being related to each way. However, psychologists are not all they're cracked up to be.
Next: Brain scans |
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Brian Snacs used to be my dyslexic next door neighbour.
Next: The girl next door |
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The girl next door is actually a man.
Next: Sausages. |
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Sausages are laid by pigs just as eggs are by chickens. This is a well known fact told to me by my older brother when I was about six years old.
Next: Tripe |
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When Ronan Keating's boy band 'Westside' were forced to change their name due to copyright reasons, they were going to re-name themselves 'Tripe'. However in a last minute change of heart they opted for the name 'Westlife', a decision just as boring and unadventurous as the band and their music.
Next: The funny looking one in Boyzone, no not him, the other one. |
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Boyzone depletion is one of the major concerns of environmental acitivists. They claim that since Ronan's departure, sea levels globally have risen over a metre due to fat girls crying. American scientists dispute this, claiming that the increase has been caused by the vast amount of p iss released by Westlife.
Next: Cat Stevens |
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Due to the Arabaic convention of placing the family name before the first name, Yusaf Is lam's cat really is called Cat Steven's.
Next: Gilbert O'Sullivan's chinchilla. |
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Gilbert O'Sullivan's chinchilla used to snooze peacefully on his head under his school cap when Gilbert used to sing ditties at his old joanna.
When he decided to 'grow up' and abandon his schoolboy garb, he threw his cap to the frenzied women in the crowd - the chinchilla was exposed and died of fright. But Gilbert was so used to him being on his head, he never noticed he'd gone bald in the interim years and his fuzzy barnet was actually his deceased pet. Unfortunately, his women fans did. Next: Alone again, naturally |
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Alone again, naturally - most onanists prefer this to a group session.
Next: Group sex |
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Group sex was invented in Ancient Greece. Formerly only considered proper for a maximum of two it became less taboo after the craze of Twister sweeped the Acropolis. Twister is still believed to be a 'gift from the gods' in modern day Athens and is frequently referred to in the works of Plato. Socrates, is believed to have drunk hemlock in despair after losing his mat in a game of cards. The game was revived in the 20th century but oddly with the childrens toy market in mind!
next: Escalado |
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Escalado was a popular English table horse racing game from the late 1920's. Up to five "jockeys" each have a metal horse, and one player acts as the bookie. Players would then place wagers on the five coloured mechanical horses, which race across a vibrating course. The player with the most money after the agreed upon number of races is the winner. Any deliberate attempt of "pulling horses" was frowned upon, and could result in being warned off for a number of years. All bank, and phone statements would be scrutinised to see if Jockeys were also involved.
next:Stewards |
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Has this thread got any actual FACTS on it? Or is this stuff i just dont know?
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very little amazing facts about stewards so far anyway....just shows how dull they are...I'm stumped for the time being :(
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Not all air stewards are gay. An amazing fact.
Next: Twins |
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Every town has a twin. This enables the local councillors to go on fact finding missions for a couple of weeks in the height of summer. If there were no twin towns then council tax could be reduced by 3%.
Next: Council Tax. |
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The average cost of a Mars bar is 0.45p. As of 2006, the average annual council tax levy on a property is 1,056 or 2346 Mars bars. Harvey Smed of Hambit Hill has attempted to pay his council tax in Mars bars ever since the tax was introduced. He has so far failed and next year plans to turn up at his local tax office with 2468 Snickers.
Next: Hula girls |
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Hula Girls were introduced by KP in 1974 as a risqu¿alternative to Hula Hoops. However they were not a great commercial success owing to the fact that they could only be consumed after the 9pm watershed.
Next: The 9pm watershed. |
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The 9pm watershed becomes the 1am, the 3am, the 6am and the morning watershed, as you get older :(
Next: Prostates |
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Prostates, once the t'rest have been removed, leaves soap.
Now the thread will be pulled. |
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next?
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Pulled.
Tractors are tractor pulls are pulled. It is rather a dull sport but it has gained in popularity since Playboy Centerfold Regina Sexina ( waist 32 hips 36 bust 38AAAA height 6"2 weight 155lbs) revealed that her main turn ons were watching scrabled cable feeds of porn with big tractor pullin men. Next: A good night out |
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'A Good Night Out' was invented by senior citizens in their youth. It involved a night at the pictures, a bottle of pop, a bag of *****and still having enough change for the bus fare home. Others have tried to imitate but false good nights out can usually be spotted by the amount of psychadelic yodelling that is included and it is generally perceived that nights out aint what they used to be.
*It is not to be confused with Wallace and Gromits Good Night Out which involves being smothered in Wensleydale Cheese* next: Yorkshire |
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Yorkshire is a lovely place. It has its own special day of the year, August 1. The first of August is the day that all true Yorkshire people sing the special Yorkshire song "On Ilkla Moor Baht'at". The special Yorkshire song is about going out onto the moors with out a hat, dying, being eaten by worms, worms being eaten by a bird and the bird being eaten by the singing Yorkshire person. Yorkshire people will burst into this little ditty at other times of joy like the birth of thier first child or when thier car passes an MOT.
Next: Fun size chocolate bars. |
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Mars were the first to introduce their fun size bars to the marketplace in the 1970s at the same time as they also made their manic depressive size bars which proved less successful. Two feet long and with added prozac in their caramel centre they failed to sell at 99.99 each and were quickly withdrawn from the shops. Fun size bars remain...there have been complaints from some quarters that they so small that they cannot possibly provide much in the way of fun to their consumers but Mars have been quick to point out that they are the most popular bar eaten for people who have developed the 'munchies'
next: Life on Mars? |
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Speculation that life may exist on Mar has been a popular theory for many years and NASA plans to send a maned craft to the planet by 2030. It is a little know fact that a group of Amateur Scientists from Kendal have been having holidays on Mars since 1952. Most of the planet in inhabitable but they manage a quite comfortable time under the polar ice caps. Thier wives report the holidays as being uncomfortable but certainly better than the caravaning breaks they used to endure.
Next: Disco balls |
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'Disco balls' was a little known affliction of many a dancer and gymnast in past times, becoming well known only relatively recently, especially with the advent of the 'roller disco'. Within the disco community getting your 'disco balls' was considered somewhat a rite of passage.
Next: Amateur Gymnastics. |
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Saving - this worthwhile thread.
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It is now possible for anyone to enjoy amateur gymnastics after the sports governing body increased the amount of disciplines in the 80s. No longer is it required to have asometric bars in your back garden to participate nor is a pommel horse required (hence they are no longer seen for sale in Inter Sport unless you ask for their under the counter merchandise). Now everyone can enjoy by running around the lawn with a small ball or a ribbon...tomorrow is in fact National Gymnastics Day and all forumites are encouraged to leap around their back yard in celebration...all that is required is a tight fitting spandex body suit and some suitable musical accompaniment (Ravels Bolero will be fine)...enjoy!
Next: Lycra |
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Lycra or "Spandex" was invented by Clarke Kent, better known as superman. His original costume of course being a barrel, however this left him greatly hindered inflight due to aerodynamics. Kent invented Lycra whilst in the same room to superman, but no-one noticed.
Next: The Weald of Kent |