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Invented by IBM in 1989, so the IT Depts around the world would have something to talk about over lunch.
Next Carlisle |
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Carlisle United- or 'the Cobblers' as they are affectionally known- play their home games at Roker Park and once turned down the chance to sign Thierry Henry for 25,000. How they regret that decision now!
next, women |
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Women have to cry at least three times a month, or the unshed tears crystallise and cause vision problems. Men do not have this problem as the unshed tears enter the gut and are digested.
Next:- Lifeboats |
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One Titanic lifeboat only had 12 people in it (65),
of which only 2 survivors in it were 'women and children'. next: A Rubiks Cube |
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People with severe rod cell defeciency inevitably regard themselves as Rubik's Cube champions.
Next: champions. |
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All wnakers. Next; Man Utd fans.
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In a recent study carried out by Brunel University it was discovered that the noise created by 67000 Man Utd fans in a recent match at Old Trafford is equivalent to that made by an aeroplane taking off.
next: The Sopwith Camel |
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The Sopwith Camel, with it's familiar twin wings, was one of the most famous "Bactrian" aircraft. The most famous "Dromedary" fighters - the Spitfire and Hurricane - weren't developed until the 1930's.
Next: the 1930's. |
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The 1930s were an error in planning in the 20th century. Unfortunately, the world's governments had failed to legislate for them and the financial crises and collapses of the late 20s were directly caused by the total lack of a plan.
As a result, Massey Ferguson, who were responsible for the construction of the decade at extremely short notice, were unable to stress test the decade. Consequently, a flaw in the blueprint allowed Fascism to rise as well as let Arsenal win three Championships on the spin under Herbert Chapman. The last named was also originally planned to be heir to the throne at the abdication but this plan was caused by a loose ancestrial circuit in the mainframe. It was resolved by someone in a mechanical digger on site dropping a dripping sandwich, causing an irreversible stain on Chapman's character and making him too unsuitable. Next: Top Deck Shandy |
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The most infamous date of the 1930's was St Valentine's day 1929 when american gangster Al Capone was tragically killed in a motoring accident in Wall Street, America.
The 'Wall Street crash' as this became known as is still talked about over 100 years later. next Margaret Thatcher |
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after you Bert!
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Top deck shandy : perfect on hot days,it would have taken about 1000 cans to get drunk, it still made you feel like a man though. It came in a variety of flavous and can types silver and orange or green depending on if it was lemonade and larger or not. Although topdeck appears to have cult status on the net with many people still rating this as their favourite drink it hasn't been officially seen any for about 8 years not even at youth clubs. An interesting "fact" about top deck is that when Nirvana appeared on channel 4s the word their rider consisted of 3 cans of top deck shandy.
Next: Childrens TV programme - Stoppit & Tidyup |
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Stoppit and Tidyup is famous as being a programme that although seemingly animation, was people in suits, and the voice over, while seemingly Terry Wogan, was in fact a computer generated voice designed to lull (version 2.0).
Bullseye had version "Tony Green"1.1 Next: Stripped pine |
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Stripped Pine is an anagram of Tripped**
...oh hang on, that one's true. Next: The Truth |
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The truth can only be understaood by those who have learned to camouflage lies.
Next the M25 |
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The best-known song about the M25 is Chris Rea's "Auberge".
Next: Aubergines |
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Aubergines are known as eggplants in America. They intended to call them "sidewalks" but the USPGA (United States Pavements and Grasses Authority) got there first.
Unfortunately, they didn't get to USPGA first and are now called "Pathways" instead Next - Charlie Chester |
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Charlie Chester went to Leicester
In a shower of rain He stepped in a puddle Right up to his middle And never went there again Next..Cleaning Windows |
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In the same way that some jobs are condusive to "burn-out", Window Cleaners after a few years in the job, are susceptible to "wash-out", whereby they literally fade until they become invisible.
Next: Ladders |
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Although you can not see it on this forum the L is in fact red on a white background and Ladders are snakes taking a driving test.
Next .. Women drivers |
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90% of all road traffic accidents happen at the T-junction between Clayport Bank and Dispensary Street, Alnwick. And involve at least one woman driver.
Next:- Bees |
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.... and a bee. they are notoriously poor drivers.
Next: Sir Frank Whittle |
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Sir Frank Whittle whittled his first engine from a beech coppice.
Next: the**le Rotary engine. |
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One cylinder in every 4 stroke engine is on strike, as a protest about working conditions. This was why the**le rotary engine was developed in the mid eighties in an attempt to break the union.
Next:- UFO's |
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UFOs contain confused Martians who abduct middle aged women from mid-western trailer parks in the USA and impregnate them via painful anal probes ..... or supply them with large amounts of cheap liquor late at night.
No-one is quite sure which. Next: Aardvarks |
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Are a good place to start if studying animals. Next; Newcastle fans.
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Orioles is a Newcastle fan
Beggars belief next: The hobos at the Kennedy assasination |
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The Hobos at the Kennedy Assassination was possibly the least well received rock gig in the history of the world.
Next: Vanuatu |
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The capital of south Pacific island Vanuatu, Port Villa, was named after the island's founders, Doris and Cedric Scroggs's favourite football team.
Doris and Cedric came from The Potteries so supported Port Vale , while Cedric's best mate, Jim, supported Aston Villa. (Cedric loved Jim, although married to Doris). As Jim was not able to make it to the fourth Vanuatu burst a bloodfestival ,they decided (but especially Cedric) to remember the good times they (and especially Cedric) had had with Jim in the past by going halves with him on their latest purchase, the capital of Vanuatu. So Port Villa it was then, and it is now. |
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Next.
Head lice. |
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Only precocious children catch head lice.
Next: children |
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It's a little secret, just the Robinsons' affair
Most of all, you've got to hide it from the kids Next: Joe DiMaggio? |
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The man who pitched to Joe DiMaggio when he hit his first home run in the Majors was the same man who, the year before, pitched the delivery which was Babe ruth's last Majors home run.
Contrary to baseball lore, however, I am forced to point out that the pitcher was not Malcolm Nash of Glamorgan. Next: Enrico Fermi |
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'Enrico Fermi il portello per favore' is the Italian version of the popular song, 'Michael Row the Boat Ashore' and is sung at happy clappy gatherings all over Rome on the 1st of April, National Quantum Theory Day.
Next: Horatio Hornblower |
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Rather limp wristed fellow parents mistakenly called him Horatio but actually got it wrong and the intention was for him to be called Felatio to marry up with the surname
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Oh next
Barry White |
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The Barry White hit 'My Everything' which contained the line 'You're My First, My Last, My Everything' actually referred to his love of Seabrook Prawn**tail flavour crisps
next The Queen |
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The concert in honour of Clarence Birdseye is to be held on the Cutty Sark in June. Despite the importance of the event senior Royals have declined to attend.
Next... Royal weddings |
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Are not legally binding
Next: Henry VIII |
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Henry VIII was in fact the fifth Henry to rule England. However he insisted on being called Henry VIII as 8 was his squad number in the local pub darts team.
Next: The Rovers Return |