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the rovers return is a pub co-operatively owned by ex blackburn rovers players who came back to haunt their old club by scoring against it.
next: Alan Shearer |
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The most gifted player of his generation, Sir Alan Shearer will lead the Geordie nation to the promised land where yea verily, we shall win the UEFA Cup
Next: Lisbon |
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The name Lisbon originated after an incident involving a local girl and a union jack shorts wearing british tourist. After attempting to chat her up and failing he belched angrily "Lesbian!', which was overheard by a passing cartographer who misunderstood what the man was try to say, recording his slightly misheard version as the place name.
Next: Avon from Blake's Seven |
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If you type Lisbon into google and make even the slightest spelling mistake you end up with some really kinky stuff
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Avon played a minor role in BBC Sci-Fi hit 'Blakes Seven', however he will be remembered by most for his catch phrase 'Ding-Dong, Avon calling' which became popular among a generation of schoolchildren in the early 1980's
next- Kenny Lynch |
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Blake's Seven was the legendary film by the legendary Japanese director Bob Carolgees, of the legend of the seven itinerant makeup artists, recruited by a tribe of pygmy anglers who were being periodically raided by a giant tourist who insisted he was on an educational odyssey.
The Seven disguised the pygmies as barstools, bewildering the traveller and saving the village. The leader of the makeup artists, Avon, later franchised the business, giving us the Yul Brynner door to door sales group. Next: Do-gooders |
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I typed do-ggers into google and got Stan Collymore .I had no idea he had been beatified.
Next. St. An Collymore |
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St An Collymore. Patron Saint of Gimp Masks. Born 1865, died 1912 from siphallus.
Lived in Burnley. Next: Orinoco Flow |
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When a Womble, smacked off his/her t1ts 'busts a move' on the burrow dancefloor, it's called an Orinoco Flow after the hellraising hero of 'da Common'. Word
Next: Kleenex |
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Kleenex was the original name of Thomas Hardy's Wessex.
And after seeing Natassian Kinsky in Tess of the D'urbeville's I can understand why. |
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I didn't even know Natassia had a brother!
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Another Don Swayze sadly.
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next???
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Don Swayze's brother - popular entertainer Patrick Swayze is in fact an animatronic creation made from latex.
Next: Kevin Bacon |
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Two years ago when Kevin Bacon was two years younger he was admitted to a vets pactice complaining of gut wrench.
An anal endoscope revealed the blockage caused by a sub-mariners watch a Florida state registration plate and a Birds Eye roast beef dinner, which was still perfectly formed in its tray. Next: Warming KY jelly |
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Although light is widely believed to travel fastest through a vacuum, it has been recently proven to travel up to three times faster through lime jelly, and twice as fast through raspberry. However it has proven to be impossible to record the speed of light through warming KY Jelly as all known instuments cease to function because of the intense heat.
Next:- Captain Cook |
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Captain Cook was the first occasion where the Navy introduced the principle of "back to the floor" and "multitasking". Quite aptly, this took place en route to the Sandwich Islands.
Next: Blackcurrants |
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Known as currants of alternative colour in my household.
Next: Stacey Keach |
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Stacey Keach is really easily annoyed. Especially if you put and "e" in his forename.
Next: UNITA |
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The RY is silent in UNITARY, but should never be omitted :)
Next: Podiatry |
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"Podiatry" is the one word description of "the art of public speaking whilst clutching a lectern in fear". Usually exhibited by spokesmen for multinationals ten minutes before the wheels have fallen off and he hasn't yet offloaded his shares.
Next: Thermopylae |
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The first recorded package holiday, many residents of Sparta complained of being 'badly short-changed' and several pointed out that the beach was crowded with Persians, making surfing on their shields impossible. On the plus side, they were all slaughtered.
Next: Billy Butlin |
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Billy Butlin' has been illegal in the Isle of Man since 1964. However, it is still practised in some of the southern towns without intervention from the law as otherwise the Laxey Wheel will not turn.
Next: The effect of the draw on 6f sprints at Ripon on good ground. |
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Is so marked, that several trainers start their horses from the hot dog stall in the car park if drawn high in fields of 12 or less. Those drawn in the centre just offer 10 bob kiddies' rides instead.
Next: Castrati |
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i castrati is a rarely performed work by Rossini -written as one of his more extreme Peches de Vieillesse it was scored for a very grand piano, pink piccoloes (very high with inaccessible stops) cors anglais (English horns but without the overtones) and 24 countertenors. Almost a revamp of Verid'e first thoughts for due balli in maschero.
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in which conext it must be understood that Rigoletto is an early misprint for Ristretto
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Next - the impact of elastic on the Rome of the Republican era
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El Astic, 'The Masked Avenger' was in fact a Roman General, thought long since murdered during the campaigns against the Vikings by a jealous rival. However, he escaped to Spain where he was recruited by a Gladioli who took him on a tour of the provinces before finally taking him to Rome where he was hit and killed by a donkey cart.
The story was recorded by the Roman historian Taciturn in his histories, 'Rome, I ain't telling'. Next: Apollo 12 |
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Apollo 12 is what roadies for the moon missions used to say when checking intercoms. Usually succeeded by the word "Testing"
Next: Haarlem |
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A city of western Netherlands near the North Sea west of Amsterdam. Chartered in 1245, it is an industrial city best known as a flower-growing center and distribution point for bulbs, especially tulips. Population: 148,000.
Next.Arnhem |
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Small town famous for it's Market Garden. Very difficult to cross the bridge.
Next: Mornington Crescent. |
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Embarrassing condition encountered early on in the day and visible through the thickest of duvets.
Next: Soap |
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A cleansing agent formed from the reaction of animal fat with wood ash; side-effects include** lines on enamel baths and the unfortunate prevalence of easy on the eye but ultimately talentless Antipodeans in the British charts.
Next: woodlice. |
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There are more woodlice in a 100 acre wood than there are humans on the planet.
Next: Winnie the Pooh. |
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always best to hide from the smell of Winnie the Pooh....
next: condoms |
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CONDOMS are the American name for Flats !
NEXT the sidgpur Sat-Isabgol Factory of PSYLLIUM HUSK in Gujerat India. |
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the sidgpur Sat-Isabgol Factory of PSYLLIUM HUSK in Gujerat India is a pangram in Cyrillic.
Next: TAFKA Prince |
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Producers of enemas in India. A product to make you sh1te in the land of the jalfrezi.
Next: Newcastle coal |
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speaking of condoms
They are NOT 100% safe My mate had one on and got run over by a bus. |
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We've all had girls like that.
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