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ttt.thought this had gone.
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According to Noel Cowerd 'only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun'...this is based on a bizarre Spanish sporting ritual akin to bull running. During the 18th century unpopular English dandies doing a Grand Tour were captured by the Spanish and released into the streets during siesta to be chased by packs of local rabid dogs. Cowerd was believed to have inherited the practise himself as a form of sport in rural Middle England
next: smoking jackets |
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smoking jackets only ever smoke if you put them on the fire
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next crocodiles
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If you turn the 'Lacoste' crocodile logo upside down, it looks exactly like an aerial view of the new Wembley Stadium.
Next: Twin Towers |
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Now I know how The Doctor felt when he saw K9 again.
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The first 'twin towers' appeared in biblical times when Blackpool Tower was officially twinned with the Tower of Babel. Unfortunately the latter does not exist anymore but the former which was called by Plato as ' the eighth wonder of the world' when he made his famous speech to the philosophers conference there in 425 BC, still remains to this day
next: Donkey Rides |
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Half as many as Monkey Rides.
Onkey Rides is a unit of currency in World cup virgin nation, Angola. Next: Luanda |
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'Luanda 'was the name mistakenly used by Barry Manilow to quote his song 'Miranda' when being interviewed by a woman wearing a a bunch of bananas on her head, as he didn't want to get too wound up thinking about the great lady who brought him so much joy in his early years.
Next: Carmen: The opera or the rollers? |
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When Georges Bizet wrote the opera Carmen he originally envisaged it as a production that would best be performed on roller skates. The idea was way ahead of its time but failed because roller skates at that time were made of cast iron and the wheels were over a foot in diameter making them implausible for the Paris stage., Bizet didnt give up with the idea but died a broken man when no one would take on his little known masterpiece 'L'express de Starlight' which was shamelessly plagiarised years later.
next: Andrew Lloyd Webber |
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Lloyd Webber was not pleased with Widdicombe's charcoal efforts and consequently produced the worst pun on this thread ever. Fact.
Next: Sandro Mazzola's moustache |
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Alessandro ("Sandro") Mazzola (born November 8, 1942) is an Italian former football player. He is the son of Valentino Mazzola, who was killed in the Superga air disaster in 1949, and one of the most renowned Italian football players of 1960s.
His moustache went onto an illustrious career in Sampdoria, whilst Sandro himself opened a trophy shop on Pisa. Next: Panty liners |
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Won a six furlong 2yo sprint maiden for Barry Hills at Bath in 1988 at 4/1 by twelve lengths.
Next: Pant Llin and misreading |
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Pant-y-llyn is a small village of 245 people in a dank and desolate valley in South Glamorgan. Famous residents have included Terry Griffiths, Dylan Thomas and Windsor Davies.
Next: Windsor Davies. |
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Real name Davies Windsor. Changed because it looked ridiculous. Frequent borrower of Sandro Mazzola's moustache.
Next: Salt-free salt |
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Salt-free salt or no-sodium-no-diggity-no-chloride-no-dawg. Early hip hop collobaration between Snoop and Biggy Smalls.
Next: Biggy smalls. Are they? |
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Biggy Smalls should actually be Beggy Smalls.
And it's a Spoonerism. Next: Friar Tuck |
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Quick. LOL
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Friar Tuck's was the name of an obscure brand of crisps in the 1990s, if I recall correctly.
Next: Salt and vinegar. |
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Will be the names of the next two children of Gywneth Paltrow and that singer fellow.
Next: Apples |
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Apples, onions and potatoes all taste the same. Only the smell makes them different to savour. Or thatf what my missus tells me when she dishes whatever it us up.
Next: Tasting Missus |
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Kazakhstan is the origin of the apple and the former capital city, Alma-Ata, means "city of apples".
Hang on, that's true. Sorry. Apples have caused more wars than the less contentious pear. Next: Eggy Owen |
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Tasting Missus and Eggy Owen are too close for comfort...
Next: Fish - everyone's favourite dish |
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can be spelt "ghoti" - gh as in rough, o as in women and ti as in station.
Next: Servicing the old boiler |
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is a euphemism for washing the tank.
Next: The Life of Riley |
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The life of Riley largely involves manufacturing snooker equipment.
Next: snooker. |
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Snooker is a game played by men with different coloured balls.
Next: Multi-coloured Swap Shop |
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ttt
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Posh Paws was an anagram of Swap Shop and a mainstay on the counter.
His partner, E-coli mould R.U.T, was very rarely seen and lived on Noel's shoe. Next: Valerie Brisco-Hooks |
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is the real name of Valerie Singleton but it was deemed to be too posh by Blue Peter bosses
next: sticky back plastic |
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ticky black spastic was an anagram of sticky back plastic, but less successful as a character.
Next: Jim Davidson |
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Jim Davidson was ejected from a 1973 recording session of "Opportunity Knocks" for making a joke about a black spastic called "ticky".
Next: Opportunity Knocks |
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But misfortune just walks straight in, smashes a vase, scratches a coffee table and brings Eammon Holmes with it.
Next: Suicide clams |
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Suicide clams were part of the 13th attempt by the CIA to assassinate Fidel Castro. Knowing that he liked clam chowder they persuaded a group of these underwater creatures to wear 'suicide' jackets and hide in his fridge. Sadly, Castro decided at that point to become a proper vegetarian.
Next: Bay of Pigs |
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Bay of dogs. Squeal of pigs. Ugly ducklings become ugly ducks and swans become cygnets.
Hans Christian Andersen has a lot to answer for. Next: Misheard Accountant's names. |
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Misheard accountants names is a common ploy used to buy time in high level company fraud cases. In the long running Enron case in the US over 2 years was wasted by directors claiming to be unaware that their firms accountants were Arthur Andersen, believing instead their accountant to be Gillian Anderson. Gilian herself lost several weeks filming the X Files as a result and is cureently countersuing Enron as a result.
next: UFOs |
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Originally Yoofoes, they were the forerunner of the ASBO until they realised that it wasn't just yoofs who could get them.
Next: Fitzcarraldo |
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The magnificent story of Fitzcarraldo as portrayed by Klaus Kinski in Herzogs film slightly hides the fact that he was one of the worlds first exchange students. For his part in bringing opera to the Peruvian Indians...the locals expressed their thanks by shipping Paddington Bear to the UK to teach the English the fineries of marmalade sandwiches
next: Duffle coats |
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Duffle coats were originally named so to describe the type of person who wore them. A duffle, or dufl¿ as in French, was a term used to describe a boring person who you would not want to be placed next to at a dinner party, with no visible means of escape. These people were generally shunned, or 'left out in the cold', as even mere eye contact could be a huge error of judgement. As the coats are made of wool fibre and thickly lined, some wit had put two and two together and decided these social bores should have something to keep them warm. Hence: 'Duffle Coats'.
Next: Raspberry Preserve. |
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No matter how hard scientists have tried, a preserved raspberry has yet to be brought back to life...
next: Lazarus |