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Ties in cricket matches are not to be worn. Only cravats in the style of Douglas Jardine will suffice.
Next:Terry Thomas |
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Terry Cloth was invented by Terry Thomas in 1952 he also invented Thomas Paper but it wasnt nearly as popular, and was to be fair - rubbish.
Next: Hurricane Wilma |
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Huricane Wilma is no differentto any other woman. When she comes she's hot wet and wild. When she leaves, she takes the house.
Next : Fred Flintstone |
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Very good, AITL
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Fred Flintstone is not the father of Freddie Flintoff, but they both say "Yabba dabba doo !!", when they're excited.
Next: Happiness |
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HH the Dalai Lama:
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. |
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Ken Dodd would often end a show with a rendition of his hit song Happiness:
Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I possess etc. The Inland Revenue were not fooled though and he went on trial for tax evasion in 1989. Although he was eventually acquitted, he was forced to hand over 800 000 in unpaid taxes, and had his passport confiscated. Next: Diddy Men |
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Sorry Andy, the floor is rightly yours.
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thanks tourist my fault the floors yours
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Next: Origins of raised hat gesture
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The origins of the raised hat gesture have been muddied by time. There is one school of thought that it was to let the cooties out.
Next: Lice |
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Lice goes wiith chicken and it's rubbery.
Next: Chinese takeaways. |
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Chinese takeaways are often full of monosodium glutomate. It makes them very tasty but it's bad for you to eat too much of it.
Next: Tainted Love |
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^
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I asked Sparky earlier if he wanted me to keep trying to save this thread.
He said not, so it's up to all who like it to post to keep it going - if you want to. |
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Tainted Love is a not very good song from the 80's but one that annoyingly gets in your head. Like its doing to you now - see?
Next: Dip da dip da dip, doo ** da dooby doo. |
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Dip da dip da dip, doo ** da dooby doo the kids chocolate flavoured sweet from the late 70's was recently sited as one of the worse promotional campaigns of all time - with its dubious looking texture the catch line 'it looks like sh1t but it isnt' was in fact wrong it looked like sh1t and it was.
Next: Helen Chamberlain |
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Dip da dip da dip, doo ** da dooby doo the kids chocolate flavoured sweet from the late 70's was recently sited as one of the worse promotional campaigns of all time - with its dubious looking texture the catch line 'it looks like sh1t but it isnt' was in fact wrong it looked like sh1t and it was.
Next: Helen Chamberlain |
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oops sorry about that :D
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Helen Chamberlain was most often found on the hunt come the weekend, meat fork in hand she would stalk the succulent rodents off the back field for her much celebrated garden parties.
Next: Precious Stones |
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If you get kicked in your precious stones then your eyes will water.
Next: Watery eyes |
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'Watery Eyes' was a condition unseen before the industrial revolution when the filth, muck and smog caused by new factories had to be cleaned somehow, the Watery's were the original and failed solution. The chemical elements in the watery were extremely toxic and many thousands of workers developed a -0.5 shift their optic range and, in extreme circumstances, may have to wear glasses and take a desk job.
Next: Free Range |
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free range eeggs will become very rare if the flu thing catches on.
Next, Egg free mayoniase |
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Impossible I would say but a little known fact is that Mayonnaise is named after the capital of Menorca which is Mahon and the locals enjoyed a nosh-up with a dollop...........
Balearics................ |
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The 5 Balearic Islands are Majorca, Minorca, Ibiza, Formentera and Canvey Island. The last of these, although located quite a bit further north than the others, is nonetheless technically owned by Spain, thanks to a little-known treaty signed in 1994 by King Juan Carlos I and Richard Prendergrass, the mayor of Castle Point.
Next: Canvey Island |
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"dont talk Balearics" is often shortened to simply Balearics.
these islands are so called because of the shape is like Napoloeons balearics. next Napoleon |
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too fast for me,
Canvey island is in Essex, I visited 6 month ago, on the seach to buy a car, amazed to see in there ' high street' a cafe called the " Raspberry Ripple " I kid you not. Next Raspberries |
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Most people think that Napoleon was exiled on Canvey Island.
Or kids with A* levels in History Exams. Next Chemistry Sets. |
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Raspberries and chemistry sets do a happy marriage make as there tends to be a most unwelcome explosion when they are conjoined.
Next: Unwelcome bowel functions |
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*do NOT a happy marriage make*
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I was invited to a bowel function once. It was sh*t.
Next: consonants |
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Consonants are the opposite of vowels.
Next: Vowels |
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There are more vowels in consonants ,than there are in vowels.
Next : Irony |
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Irony is similar to: "Infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me!"
Next: Carry On |
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It's difficult to carry off a Carry On film so it hasn't been attempted for some time.
Next: Matrons |
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Matrons of honour are sometimes seen at weddings doing unspeakable things with the friends of the groom and when they come out from the toilets someone usually spots them.
Next: Regrets |
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People often say it is better to regret the things you have done rather than the things you havent, but that is small comfort to those of us who regret both!!!!
Next: Bad Decisions |
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Bad decisions are often made by idiotic forumites who don't realise that their presence will only be ignored if they post, as they offer nothing of value to anyone at all and they are tedious in the extreme.
Next: Discernment |
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By the way Luff, that was not intended as a remark to you.
Just some pea brained irritants on Chit Chat. |
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Discernment is an anagram of 'cement rinds', the technical term for the last bits of cement you can never get out the bottom of the cement mixer.
Next: Builders ar$e cleavage |