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Your striped pair of pants are in the washing machine. They need to go round again. If you keep drinking like that, you'll go to the bad fire.
Next: Letterbox mouths |
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Letterbox mouths have been in vogue ever since Cherie Blair first spread her enormous gob across British media some years back.
Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of good it does anyone. Next: Hogging the spotlight |
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Spotlight hogging is a little known recreational activity enjoyed in some parts of Devon under the cover of darkness. The only equipement needed is a cousins large pickup truck and a field full of hogs. It is enormously popular.
Next: The Owl and the Pussycat |
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The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea in a beautiful pea green boat...and sank.....
next: artficial insemination................. |
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Artificial insemination is the preferred method of reproduction for A IGirlies.
Next: What A YGirlies prefer. |
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What A YGirly prefers is champagne, oysters, fast cars, race horses and a man that can keep up with me..............
next: Social sciences...... |
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nearly slipped off the bottom.............. ttt
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Wayne Simons and his twin sister Waynetta took after their parents in never having a job between them for 20 years. They were a well known couple at the benefits office and all their m8's called them "Social Si n' Sis"
Next: Better than Maradona |
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At the peak of his form there was no-one better than Maradonna. But time has taken its toll. In the 2005 annual all-priests over 75's 5-a-side football match he was selected to play for Caggy Island. A series of missed passes, badly timed tackles, and abuse aimed at the crowd, saw him substituted at half time, and most pundits agree that now he probably couldn't even kick Bishop Brennan up the @*&%, let alone kick a football into a goal.
Next: The Home Guard |
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The Home Guard or local defence volunteers were Britains last line of defence in the war. After the war ended it was disbanded only to re-emerge in the form of a much more clandestine organisation called Neighbourhood Watch
next: Nosey neighbours |
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my neighbour watches me poo in the back garden!
next, xbox consoles |
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xbox consoles are mch better than the old Atari consoles but both let you play games on your television.
Next: Game Pie. |
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Game Pie should always be made with a small slit in the centre of the pastry to allow the steam to escape whilst it is baking.
Next: Narrow openings |
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Narrow openings occur , when the feelings inside suggest it is not a good idea for the large object with a large head to enter.
Next : Bailiffs. |
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Despite previous warnings, this thread has recently been diluted by too many actual facts. A warrant has been issued by the Magistrates and the Bailiffs will be calling on this thread in order to seize any gems that can be flogged off to the footy forum or somewhere else where they won't be appreciated.
Next: "I know my rights". |
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I plead not guilty to the above charge and as 'I know my rights' will be contacting Lynn Faulds Wood for further advice if such accusations are persevered with. Please do not send round the bailiffs and in return I will continue to post as much b*llocks as possible
Yours sincerely R Tidwell Esq. next: Watchdog |
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Brilliant - as usual - Rod.
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Watchdog is prgramme onthe Tv wherein beady eyed ne er do wells can watch to see if they
have got away with it next, Watch Cat |
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Watch cat is the unusual way Lady P spells Top Cat - Which should always watched whenever it is on television.
Next: Sgt. Bilko's platoon |
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Did Sergaent Bilko have a camp commander, or, wasn't it allowed in those days?
next: camping |
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'Camping' is a term relating to the unfeasibly long amount of time some people can take sitting on the toilet. When there is a lack of facilities available camping can cause unnecessary distress to others, hence the reason why it is prohibited on all National Express long distance coaches.
Howard Hughes and Elvis Presley were both famous exponents of this activity. next:**ping |
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**ping is the word we use when playing cricket in apple orchards, as we may have a quick scrump after we've just got a stump.
Next: King Freddie |
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" 'king Freddie " is a quote attributed to Queen guitarist Brian May, upon hearing that vocalist/pianist/all-round camp entertainer F. Mercury had cashed in his *****in November 1991, thus scuppering the band's plans for an off-season tour of the nation's Butlins holiday camps that would have culminated in a double bill with Kajagoogoo at the Rhyl Sunshine Coast resort for Valentine's Day 1992.
Next: Brian May |
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Brian May married that bird out of 'Eastenders' - Anita Dobson. They look remarkably similar in their facial features. So similar, in fact, that they could be brother and sister.
Next: Birds of a feather |
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Birds of A Feather flock together...
so went to the oft-repeated song on Fingerbobs. What few people realise is that the prawn on Fingerbobs was 'played' by the hand of Billy Jean King Next: Jelly Bean |
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Jelly Bean Gink is the way any dyslexic might spell the ladies tennis champ's name.
However, she'd probably answer to it if it was said by a smart bit of totty. Next: Lesbians in crisis |
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Lesbians often find themselves in a crisis situation when their partners have accidentally cleaned their favourite pipes with soap and water thus forcing them to go in search of new churchwardens to suck on.
Next: Tony Benn |
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tony benn is an anagram of bony nnet
next, long chain letters |
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Long chain letters were often sent by the son of an old actor who used to add on letters to the end of his name and also misspell his surname in order to prevent people knowing he was really a Werewolf.
Next: Oliver Reed v Lon Chaney Jr |
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Sparky - It's your turn on 'The Amazing Fact' thread.
It's about films, so you should be able to come up with a good un. |
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To all:
I thought I was in the Chit Chat pub when I posted last. |
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Oliver Reed v Lon Chaney Jnr was a surprise hit on the Latvian underground club scene in 1993. It consisted primarily of Oli Reed shotuing 'Wild Thing!' and Chaney whispering "yes Master?" to a backbeat of the theme from Take Hart.
Next: Morph |
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Morph and his sidekick Chas were cult figures on the plastiscene scene in the 1980s but disappeared from public view when Wallace and Gromit took over their mantle. Insider leaks suggest that petty arguments between Gromit and Morph left the little man a shadow of his former self and he retreated to the bottle and developed a play doh dependency. He is now believed to be a long term resident of the Betty Ford Clinic
next: Cold Turkey |
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'Cold Turkey Has Got Me...On The Run' - was a line from a song written by John Lennon.
Whether he was referring to drugs or food poisoning, is anyone's guess. Next: Addled Brains |
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up you go old son
^TR4^ - special retrivals agent :D |
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The world famous Brains **ots food company had to drop Addled (the illustrious founders first name) from its title in 1974 when it was continously confused as a drug rehabilitation service for the effeminate.
Next: Bad Spelling |
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'Bad' Spelling refers to a dark period in tv history when Hollywood mogul Aaron Spelling was responsible for the majority of primetime viewing. Examples of Bad Spelling can easily be found by viewing selected episodes of The Love Boat, Dynasty or Fantasy Island although it is a widely held belief that the principal miscrient was Max the chauffeur who 'looked after' Mr and Mrs Jonathan Hart and his sidekick Freeway
next: Charlies Angels |
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Charlie's Angels were subjects of cartoon public service style announcements directed at children in the 1980's featuring Charlie, a talking cat, who would warn on the dangers of talking to strangers, and his string of supervixens who would lay waste to anyone offering sweets or puppies. Eventually the Angels were replaced by a cartoon boy instead because they were 'irrelevant really'.
Next Up: Monkeys in space |
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There are several round our way and they are called CHAVS. The reason for their Galactic travelling is a new item in the Drug cabinet called Ketamine, which allegedly is used by Female Cattle as an Udder Enlargement Cosmetic.
Next:Rouge(sic) Traders. |
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The demand for Rogues has dropped so much latley the Rogue Traders association is soon to launch a tv campaign for charitable donations to ease the sorry plight of their members - please give generously!
Next: Ties in cricket matches |