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Scientists at MIT in the USA, have finaaly discovered that Jacob's Orange clubs are the greatest chocolate biscuit and not Penguins as originally thought. Sceintists had debated the subject for many years before a polish immigrant janitor pointed out that a Penguin is just a chocolated Bourbon.
Next: Holy Cows |
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There's a lot of bull spoken about holy cows but they it is who provide us with the milk of human kindness. They are genetically related to sacred cows , of whom you will have herd, but we don't want to talk about them here.
next: ghost writers |
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Ghost writers are normally famous novelists who, unable to cope with their celebrity status, tend to dress up in unusual eerie costumes to hide their identity, the most popular of which is a large white sheet with two eye holes. If you see such a person in the street dont worry...contrary to what followers of Scooby Doo might think ..it is not likely to be a rogueish caretaker but more likely to be someone like Salman Rushdie or Barbara Taylor Bradford doing research for their next Booker Prize winning creation.
next: Scooby snacks |
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If you wack off on Scooby Snacks, you may well commit a valium bank robbery or, then again, you might just have a very very quiet time...
next: Bank robbery |
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A bank robbery is one way of raising the necessary revenue to go out on the town with Sparkmaster.
Next: My head hurts. |
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One of the most persistent complaints noted by paramedics are patients complaining that 'my head hurts' after trying do-it-yourself trepanation at home. To avoid the aches get a responsible adult to do it for you instead and check out that your drill is suitable for the task by asking at your local B & Q first.
next: Spanners |
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Spanners are very useful tools to have about the home, as are hammers, especially when you wish to make something work again by giving it a hefty whack.
Next: How to make things work |
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I should have said: Do It Yourself - but I didn't know if that had been done. Take your pick...
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Take Your Pick was a game programme hosted by Michael Miles. It took off in a big way in England but when it went on the road for the summer season in Dublin, hundreds of navvies turned up.
Next - Stake the Bunny |
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AITL - I suppose it was a choice of three!
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Stake the Bunny, was what thegroutch did to his pet rabbit in the garden one day, when his ma asked him if he wanted steak or honey for his dinner that day.
Next: Misunderstandings |
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Miss Understandings, by all accounts a woman of loose morals, was the winner of the Fork Truck Driving Contest held in Houston. Due to her dyslexia, she didn't realise it was for the biggest warehouse in Texas.
Next - Texas Rangers |
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The Texas rangers soccer club was formed when Paris TX was twinned with Glasgow Scotland.
Next: Middlesbro red and white sox. |
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Middlesborough Red and white Sox originally played in red and black socks. They changed the team colours to avoid the ire of the 'toon army, the well known group of fanatical baseball supporters from Newcastle.
Next: Freddie Shepherd |
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freddie shepherd invented the shepherds pie. The original recipe included the brains removed from newcastle united fans. The fortune made from sales of shepherds pies enables him to fund his striker habit. He saw one score a goal once and now can't get enough of them.
next: The Great North Run |
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The First Great North Run was in 1314 when the folk Northunberland and Durham ran south to evade the invading Scots. The then Duke Of Northumberland was the first winner due to the fact he was on horse back narrowly beating Squire Clifton the ostrich rider, Brendon Foster was third.
Next: Sparklers |
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I'd never considered doing this with sparklers, but now you mention it, that's darned good advice.
http://www.nataliedee.com/021303/sparklers.jpg Next: Bangers |
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Bangers and Mash served with a nice drop of onion gravy, and a few fresh peas, is a good old-fashioned hearty meal, to bring a twinkle, or sparkle, to many a stout hearted Englishman.
There are many things you can do with sausages. Next: Choices |
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People have a nasty habit of saying "you have two choices" when you haven't. You have one choice of two options.
Next: pedantry |
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The essense of pedantry is not merely to supply trivia, but to correct with excruciating exactitude a minor error of fact in some other post, such that the correct formulation adds nothing whatever to the point being discussed. There is no trivia whatsoever in the Amazing Fact Chain Letter, but if there was, surely the intellectual members of the Betfair Forum would have already indicated thus...
Next: Indicators |
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there are different sorts of indicators...trafic indicators, financial indicators, population trend indicators, political indicators.............ad infinitum
next: Tiger sharks mating habits...... |
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Tiger sharks mating habits are not to be discussed in The Horse Box - the Chit Chat pub, or any other creature's sexual peculiarities.
Next: Lewd behaviour |
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Lewd behaviour in public toilets is unacceptable even in Beverly Hills.
Next: Is that a microphone in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me? |
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"Is that a microphone in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?" Is a classic quote from Claire Balding masquerading as Mae West when a pretty filly passed by her near the parade ring at Ascot.
Willie Carson was so taken aback, he refused to cackle for the rest of the day. Next: Irritating people |
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Joe Pasquale will be appearing in his live show at Cliffs Pavilion in Southend-on-Sea on November 12th.
Next: Southend-On-Sea. |
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Southend -on- sea is home to the once famous football club Saafend nil. Last weekend they scored 3 goals which wasn't in the script.
Next Roots Hall |
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Roots Hall is the lesser known brother of Stuart Hall the sports presenter. He unforunately got tangled up in the drug scene when he was starting his apprenticeship and has never been heard of again.
Next: Druggie numbskulls |
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Dougie Nemskells was once a leading rider for Poole Pirates. He became known as Druggie Numbskulls when he rode clockwise in a race one day.
RIP Dougie Next: Severe vowel syndrome |
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Druggie Numbskulls was the USA's star decathlete in the 1904 olympics, he broke all records by falling over in the Hurdles, hitting his own foot with the javelin, dropping the shot on his other foot,
turning up too late for the discus, and not actually finishing the 100metres. His Standing High jump caused a furore when he brought a ladder and jumped from the top of that, he tried the same in the long jump but tripped, cracking the ground, and several bones. He was last heard of entering the US presidential race in 1925, narrowly losing out in the election. It's been said that many presidents since have modelled themselves on him. Next - The white house |
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sorry Lud, started at the same time... an inspired "next" tommy.
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The White House is officially the oldest known buliding in America and therefore the world but it wasnt always white. The first residents were encouraged to exercise their imaginative flair on the building in what is widely belived to be an early blueprint for the programme Changing Rooms. President John Adams had the house painted in rainbow coloured stripes and had all manner of twigs and MDF based furniture in the Oval Office. It wasnt until Abraham Lincoln took charge that the house we know today took shape. Realising the house had bag feng shui, Lincoln draped it in puritanical white...the cheap tat was removed and in came union flags and sturdy oak desks. Abe is still fondly remembered for his efforts but not every American was happy at the time. Promising interior designer, John Wilkes Booth was so incensed by the burning of his chintz design curtains that he later assassinated the President in a fit of pique.
next Linda Barker |
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Another great one from RT!
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