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Home of Roy of the Rovers, the Melchester Rovers trademark is currently owned by Roy's biggest fan, American entrepreneur, Malcolm Glazier, who has had a lifelong ambition to buy a football club and rename it after his favourite team
next: Fray Bentos |
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must learn your trick of saving on microsoft word first TGM and not being distracted by Emma Ramsden on tv
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I didn't 'save' today Rod, I was just lucky.
I knew that lazy sod luffucus would still be in bed so I took a chance. |
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For customers weighing over 300 pounds and able to demonstrate distress and mental anguish at the prospect of walking 400 yards to the shops, Fray Bentos have introduced a home delivery season ticket system for their pies, allowing you to 364 assorted pies, together with a complimentary frozen turkey, for the recommended retial price of 285.
Today I am on a "away fixture, beef and onion". Next: lemon curd. |
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Lemon Curds are the worst and most cowardly of all Curds being part Italian by descent and of a most unsavoury yellowish complexion. They are particularly effective at shrugging and even better at retreating...
next: The War of Jenkins Ear |
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Jenkins was a lying boozer and the War was a sham. However, his ear was paraded at Parliament and was the direct forerunner of the "celebrity turning on the Christmas lights".
Next: Fuerteventura |
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Fuerte Ventura was the spanish remake of the hilarious comedy Ace Ventura - pet detective. However it bombed terribly at the box office as the Spanish people dont understand the concept of pets and only keep cats and dogs as a source of fresh meat.
Next: The Korean Tourist Board |
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The Korean Tourist Board is often mistaken for the Tourist Careers Board and involves a lot of 18 year olds taking unnecessary trips to Seoul and asking for pamphlets and other literature regarding ABTA qualifications. Occasionally you find people asking for maps of Seoul off men with half moon glasses and corduroy jackets with leather elbow pads, but this is less common.
No-one knows why. Next: UCCA, PCAS, UCAS |
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A 50 note pinned to your UCAS form can seriously increase your chances of getting your first choice uni.
Next: Bribes. |
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Ucca, Pcas and Ucas were the names given to Donald Duck's (or Dcas Doocas) children instead of Huey, Louie and Douie in the Spanish version of the hilarious film 'Donald Duck going Quackers' however it bombed terribly at the box office as Duck's have been extinct in Spain since 1902.
Next: General Franco |
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oh bugger!
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General Franco is the only Western leader in the last 400 yearsnever to have resorted to cash bribes. He also invented the nipple clamp. The two may be related.
Next: Death From Above. |
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Death from Above the late 1980's swedish heavy metal group have the ignominious honour of being the only band ever to have predicted their demise when in november 1988 whilst playing the Dudley working mans club their lighting equipement fell down onto the group electrocuting them all instantly... Bingo was cancelled!
Next: The late great - John Peel |
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Many people thought that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow were being ground-breakingly original by christening their daughter Apple. In fact they were following in the footsteps of the late great John Peel.
The erstwhile bearded disk jockey had five children: Apple Peel, Orange Peel, Candied Peel, Sexa Peel and Glockens Peel. Next: xylophones. |
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Xylophones are outstanding in that whereas children are brought up who cannot spell their own name, they can nevertheless spell "xylophone".
Unless the learning chart had a picture of an X-ray on it. Next: Haliborange |
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The product of a controversial piscine/citrus genetic engineering experiment in the 1980s, haliboranges are threatening to take over from conventional sea life, as their high vitamin C content makes them unpalatable to predators.
Next: Turin Brakes. |
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Turin Brakes is a modern folk pop duo that hails from Britain. Olly Knights and Gale Paridjanian were friends in elementary school and decided to try out for the cathedral choir because it would perform in front of the Queen of England.
Next: John Inman |
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John Inman
famous for mincing walks and gayspeak. walks with an anal plug in in preference to a glade plug in Next - the fag-palace |
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The FAG-Palace went down today. That's what happens when you don't win the inportant one.
Next: TAP aeroplanes |
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In Portugal, cars drive on the left, but planes fly on the right.
Next: Port |
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Those who have problems differentiating left and right have even more problems when confronted by 'port' and 'starboard'. This was a particular problem on the Titanic when it is believed that crew were arguing for over 5 minutes about which way to turn once icebergs were spotted.
next: Keith Chegwin |
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After his battle with alcoholism, Chegwin was bought a bracelet by fellow former Swap Shop regular John Craven. The inscription read: Cheggars can't be Boozers.
Next: Country File |
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Country file now adays is a TV programme thats so bland and ineffectual yopu might as well turn the TV off.
Country Fly would be more rewarding, Next Man Eating Spider |
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A Man Eating Spider is not a pretty sight, but a Man Eating lots of Spiders is a very ugly sight, particularly with lots of leggies poking out of the mouth..
next Cumberland Sausage |
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Cumberland sausages are different from most other sausages in that they are sold by length and wrapped up in a coil looking rather like a dog turd at times. The longest Cumberland sausage ever made was 30 miles long and was wrapped around the town of Penrith several times but unfortunately several fell walkers were crushed by it and attempts to beat the record have been outlawed ever since.
next: Felicity Kendal |
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Was originally named Felicity Patterdale-via-Helvellyn. She changed her name for obvious reasons.
Next : Robert Carlyle |
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Robert Carlyle did sterling work in the film 'The Full Monty' but still managed to retain his dignity in not revealing 'all'.....
next: Hang gliding |
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Hang gliding was invented by Greek father and son partnership Daedalus and Icarus. Although it has been translated into urban myth that Icarus flew 'too close to the sun' and fell down to the ground and died the truth is far less exciting. Against his fathers advice, Icarus ignored vital safety procedures and forgot to pack his life jacket when flying over water and when his glider was attacked by a passing flock of seagulls he fell off and drowned. Daedalus's business continued to prosper and he is generally considered to be the father of the aeronautics industry
next: Jason and the Argonauts |
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Jason and the Argonauts were involved in terrible billing disputes during their time together. Originally known as The Argonauts, then as The Argonauts featuring Jason, then as Jason and the Argonauts, and finally as Jason's Gang, they have remained at odds to this day. The situation was not helped in 1997 when tribute heros The Golden Fleeces hired several of the original Argonauts and toured the Mediterranean as The Real Argonauts.
Next: Josie and the Pussycats |
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Josie and the pussycats was the code name of the secret assassination squad deployed by MFI to murder Diana and Dodi after repeat demands for patment for a set of wardrobes were ignored.
Next Matchstick men and matchstick cats and dogs |
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"payment"
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Matchstick men and Matchstick cats and dogs are all that mildly dyslexic Leicester Square based vehicle and signwriter Benny Higgins will be painting for the forseeable future. His business folded this morning after he had painted 14 Double Deckers and a Kebab Shop with details of the new Star Wars film 'Revenge of the Sh!t'.
Doh.!! Next:Origami |
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Origami, the ancient oriental art of paper folding, was revived by Eddie Shah in the 1990's with first Today, and then The Post.
Next: Desk-top Publishing |
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Many books have been published about desk tops. The most popular is The Idiots Guide To Desk Tops (15.99).
Next: Bookshops |
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Book shops now sell coffee, cakes and audio tapes. In that frame of mind, I understand Ann Summers now carries a fine range of fudge.
Next: Packing |
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We've been packing amazing facts into this thread for over two months now, and it's almost reached 1000 - over 13 amazing facts a day! Not sure about some of AYGirly's - they sound a bit far-fetched, but an amazing collection none-the-less.
Next: M |
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My father invented a new kind of sweets called "M's", thinking it would make him a millionaire. Some b@stard started putting more than one in each bag and elongated the name. Father died a bitter man.
Next: girlies |
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Your honour Sparkmaster.
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One of the most alarming aspects of the increase in child soldiers in the world, is the fact that - since girlies are generally bigger and tougher than boys up to and including the age of 10, large parts of the planet are now under the control of females.
Who smell. Next: Germaine Greer |