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Pope Benedict XVI a new German pope elected to govern all the Roman Catholics.........
next; the shipping forecast |
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The German Bite is my favourite for Fisherman.
Next John Mortimer QC |
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you two arent quite getting to grips with this thread are you!
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The QC after John Mortimer's name doesnt stand for Queen's Counsel it in fact stands for Quiche collector and John has managed to obtain over 6 different varieties in his long and distinguished career.
Next: Goat's Cheese |
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'Billy' goats, the male of the species, and not responsible for producing goats cheese, were known as 'William' on the estates of Queen Victoria as it was felt 'billy' was too familiar.
next, Snoop Doggy-Dog |
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in direct contrast...Snoop Doggy Dog was a name allowed by the old Queen and was in fact the name of her favourite Corgi..it was later taken on by the well known American rap artist who originally wanted to call himself Greyfriars Bobby after another famous pooch but found this name to be already trademarked to Walt Disney
next: The Banana Splits (na na na na na na na) |
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Contrary to the title, it seems the Banana Splits ARE applicable.
Next: Report Cards |
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Post cards from the edge was originally going to be called Report cards from the edge and was to be a biopic about the U2 guitarist's early career as a stand in teacher - but the studio decided to 'change it a bit'
Next: The Mary Celeste |
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The Mary Celeste is frequently misspelled the Marie Celeste. It is also frequently misquoted as being a ship. It was in fact Leonardo's submarine. And it had the world's first video-telephone as well. And a Breville toaster.
Next: Anachronisms |
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Anoachonisms,
Just a posh name for spiders ;) Next Go Karts |
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"Go Karts" was the first budget rental service providing - as you guessed - carts. The subject of "The Haywain" was rented in from Go Karts for the sessions, and Constable had the devil's own job rendering it in traditional colours whilst confronted with a bright orange cart with the 'Go Karts' logo emblazoned on it.
Next: Fords |
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Carrie Ford got plenty of publicity for riding much fancied Forest Gunner in this years Grand National but less air time was given to how she was another success in the Ford family..she ran away to England at a tender age to escape the public glare when father Gerald became US president and still cannot bring herself to drive any of the cars that her great great uncle Henry put his name to. Although firmly settled in the UK she still misses her homeland though and once a year goes for a fortnights sojourn in cousin Harrison's Beverley Hills Pad (which is an exact replica of the Millennium Falcon)
next: The Knights Templar |
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The Knights Templar were largely eradicated in the 14th century. However a small group survived in Northern Staffordshire, based around a hostelry known as 'Templar Bar'. They have recently produced what is without doubt the worst website ever:
http://www.indigonewmedia.net/archive/tb/ Next: Oatcakes |
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Made entirely from grass that has passed through the stomach of a cow and then been left in a field to dry in the sun. 1.99 at Tesco's.
Next: Price Wars |
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In the early 1990s, toy manufacturer Fisher-Price carried out a "dirty tricks campaign" against Vincent Price, who played the inventor in the film "Edward Scissorhands", as it believed he was giving them a bad name. It worked, as Mr Price moved to Bhutan where he spent the rest of his days in obscurity, before dying in 2003 following an incident with a mountain goat.
Next: Bhutan. |
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The Bhutanese name for Bhutan, Druk Yul, means "Land of the Thunder Dragon" and it only began to open up to outsiders in the 1970s.
The Wangchuk hereditary monarchy has wielded power since 1907. The current King, Jensen Bhutan, literally 'he who drives like a girl', has reigned since 2001. Next: Roland Ratzenberger |
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Franchised chain of sunbed parlours in the himilayas.
Next: Sunburn |
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Sunburn is the second most funny affliction on which you can actually slap someone. Funniest is a boil on what I can only describe as "soft tissue". The humour is calculated on the "wicked" scale. This constitutes how long an old woman with big glasses will shake her head and say "wicked boy/girl" about the "slapping" whilst sympathising with the "slappee" before toddling along to her shopping appointment with her trolley.
The boil carries a tariff of 45 seconds, sunburn a mere 32 secs and an unsympathetic "serves you right for staying out in the sun too long" on a 0.220 "baseball" average occasions. The disputed world record is 3 mins 17 secs, but is skewed by the fact that the old woman was returning from her shopping trip and the slappee was playing to the gallery and feigning agony. For which he later got a second slap. Next: Gobbledegook |
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Chingachgook was not the Last of The Mohicans as James Fenimore Coopers novel would have us believe...he did have another son Gobbledegook who vowed to 'bring a new dawn to the Mohican age'...hoe=wever his attempts to rally supports to this cause were fruitless as nobody understood what the **** he was going on about. He disappeared from public life in America only to resurface in Wales many years later and formed Plaid Cymru
next: Tourettes Syndrome |
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The Tourettes Syndrome is the proposed venue for Olympic cycling in Paris 2012.
Next: Despair |
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Despair, as reported by a patient, might be a symptom of depression although unusual optimism has also been reported to be a coping mechanism masking the condition. Similarly, loss of apetite is a symptom but so is increased apetite and weight gain. Inability to sleep - characterised by waking very early in the morning is a sure-fire sign, so is increased sleep. Emotional 'numbness' and heightened emotional sensitivity are both indicators too. I mean, christ, is two consecutive days of sunshine in a year really too much to ask for? Eh? Is it?
Next: Self-composure |
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self composure is a polite way of explaining why you cr@pped on the lawn
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sorry, next artificial insemination
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Artifial Insemination was Janet Jackson's most successful album by a long chalk.
Next: "El Primitivo" |
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El Primitivo was Julio Inglesias's best album by a long chalk
Next: Abbey Road |
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Abbey road is wheere there was a record Studio
made famous by the Spiders. next multi-coloured condoms |
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Multi-coloured condoms are a waste of money. When they 're doing what they're supposed to do, you can't see them. Sales have dropped alarrmingly as people realised this, and they now stick the pink and yellow ones to marigold gloves as extra fingers. The flourescent type are filled with helium and keep N.A.S.A. busy for most of the year.
Next : The Space Shuttle |
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The Space Shuttle was invented in Bolton in 1857. It allowed a weaver the facility to put armholes in garments with a rudimentary treadle program and many were savaged and destroyed by tailors in the region.
Next: Pan-fried mullet |
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A pan-fried mullet is one of the chicest haircuts around amongst the young London club scene. It has the appearance of a genuine mullet from the back but the top is cut with a number two setting with clippers and is smothered in brylcreem to give it that chip fat look. The haircut is believed to have been perfected by top crimper Nicky Clarke while doing a makeover on This Morning
next: The Battle of Austerlitz |
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"Can't act. Can't sing. Balding. Can dance a little."
He won the battle. Next : The Stewards Cup |
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very good tgm, was trying to come up with something along similar lines.
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Sparky, I had to check imdb.com first to see if I was right.
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The Stewards Cup consolation race used to be run on the same card. It was known as the Trolley Dolly's Bra Strap.
It was won by Fortytwo Dee three times on the spin and a French group performer whose name escapes me. Next: BOAC |
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The Boac is a small jungle mammal related to the rabbit, and is in fact the highest possible scoring word in Scrabble.
Next: Gene Kelly |
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Gene Kelly was poor academically and never even passed his driving test. One of those under-achievers in life.
Next: The Usual Suspects |
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The film 'The Usual Suspects' was re-titled for Asian market - 'Ramavadi Raja Hatsopula narvindi' which translates to - 'Crazy tall men with hard heads, fall down'
Next: Snooker |
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''Snooker-Loopy- Nuts-Are-We''... one of the most evocative lines in 20th century popular music, was penned by John Lennon only hours before his tragic death.
next: midget gems |
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Midget gems are foul. It is known in the business that they are so named because the second half of their name reversed is of what they are made.
Next: Clauses |
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Often found in the small print. Mostly unfair. Try adding a clause in biro next time you get a standard contract from one of the big utilities, before signing and sending it back. They never read them, and if you get it right you will get free electricity for life.
Next: The gas Board. |
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Clauses are a northern word for clothes
next: Hash Browns |