We want to share an important update with our Betfair Community users.
Over the coming months, the Betfair Community platform will be winding down. The final active day for the platform will be December 21st. From December 22nd, users will no longer be able to access the platform.
Your discussions, insights, engagement, and, most importantly, feedback have helped shape the platform and guided innovation. Your feedback continues to be important to us, and we will continue to listen via our dedicated feedback channels, as well as through product testing and innovations.
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mortar boards are boards used for holding mortar or cement depending where you live.thats weak but at least we can build on it
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"That's weak but we can build on it" was the reply of Buzz Aldrin to Neil Armstrong's first words on the moon landing.
Next: Nutty Slack |
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Nutty Slack is the real name of much loved TV comedian Ken Dodd - he changed it because he believed it wasnt 'Wacky' enough.
Next: Paula Radcliffe |
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Paula Radcliffe, fine runner though she is, would probably get beaten in the Nutty Slack challenge by any self respecting female shot putter.
Next: monkeys |
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A "monkey" is betting slang for 500,000. Channel 4 in its programme "The Morning Line" offers a lucky caller a free "monkey" bet on any horse running that day. These bets have created more than 3 times as many millionaires as the national lottery. However, they are in fact personally funded by the programme's presenter, Mr Derek Thompson, who has run up overdrafts and credit card bills of 2.3bn over the years. He is currently negotiating one easy loan from Ocean Finance to consolidate these debts into one easy monthly payment,
Next topic - Ocean Finance |
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Ocean Finance - are such nice people, so easy to talk to, in fact almost like talking to a real person, they can consolidate your existing credit and leave you with lower repayments....for the rest of your life !!
next: Sausages |
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That dog on That's Life never really said 'sausages'. It actually said sh*tf&cker but producers redubbed it so it would be suitable for broadcast.
Next: Dodgy doctors who claim they can remove tattoos with their 'laser'. |
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There have been 9 Doctors Who, but only John Pertwee has been convicted of using a second-hand dalek death ray to remove tatoos.
Next: Police phone boxes |
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I have heard a rumour that the inside of a police telephone box is in fact quite cramped.
Next: Iron maidens |
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Every one of Iron Maidens albums is nothing more than a recording of 10lb of used cat litter in a tumble drier.
Next: Twin tubs |
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In the unshown pilot to Miami Vice Ricardo Tubs sees his twin brother Bath shot by Nazis. He decides to forgive and forget.
Next: Miami |
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Miami, or "the cesspit of the universe" as the locals lovingly call it, is populated by many Cubans, who emigrated from Cuba to get away from the smell of Fidel Castro's cigars.
Next: Cigars |
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Happiness is a cigar called Macbeth.
Next: Birnam Wood |
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Birnam Wood is the most potent spirit available on the open market. Tagline: "One sip and the trees start walking".
Next: The Rumour Mill |
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The Rumour Mill, as well as being a well known (fictitious) place in football transfer circles, is the name of a gay bar in Cape Town.
Next: Exterminate |
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"Exterminate" was the phrase associated with the Daleks in Doctor Who. What is little known is that it is a word only the warrior Daleks can say - the ones who work in Burger King, as silver service waiting staff and as traffic islands all hiss and lisp when trying to say it, and as such, cannot be taken seriously and are invalided out of the Dalek army. It is a program fault that would be too costly and time-consuming to rectify - "The Universe won't take over itself, Davros" - Mrs Davros.
Next: Tomsk, the Womble |
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Tomsk had a brother called Omsk
FACT Next: Orinoco Flow |
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The Orinoco Flow is nowhere near that of the Amazon, but it does sound like someone throwing talc on a wind chime. This can be extremely annoying.
Next: Arnold Wesker |
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The Arnold Whisker is when a gay man shaves his pubic hair into a handle bar, thought to very attractive on the beach at Fire Island USA.
next CHUTNEY FERRETS ;) |
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Chutney Ferrets perform much the same task as truffle pigs.
Next: Fungus |
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what can I say about Fun Gus...what a boy, parties all night and ready to be up and at 'em by 6am the next day.... party animal or what...
next; Venezuelan stilt walkers |
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these stilt walkers live near the Angel Fall is venezuela,
near the top of the falls is a subtropical plane, half cannobis- half watercress. you can slim whilst high ! Next - General Muffling |
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General Muffling is infinitely more fun than specialized muffling. Although far more risky.
Next: Rupert Murdoch |
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"Rupert Murdoch" is the term for a paradox in the UK which is demonstrated by outright xenophobes trying to refuse entrance to foreigners because of their potential influence but who do not mind allowing the basic fabric of society (press, government, television) to be embroidered or even woven by Australians, Americans, or Australians who become Americans.
Next: Lynton Crosby |
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The influx of asylum seekers, the growth of the Muslim population and changes in constituencies proposed by the boundary commission suggest that if current trends continue, by 2060 there will only be one remaining Conservative-held constituency in the UK - the constituency of Lynton Crosby in Buckinghamshire. It is thought that the constituency will take the opportunity to declare independence and vote unilaterally to return to the 1950s.
Next Topic - The antipope |
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Except the water vapour that you expel in your breath, every drop of liquid that leaves your body has been through your bloodstream.
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Next: TAXI !!!
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The Anti pope is in fact one of many popes including the Uncle pope, the Daddy pope and the mummy pope.
Next: Johnny Morris |
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known as the Hot Chestnut Man, a wonderful storyteller and also wonderful with animals.....
next; submarines |
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Submarines are used to smuggle walnuts into Norway.
Next: Roundabouts |
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Roundabouts are where you lose soemthing. You then walk to the swings and get it back.
Next : Helter Skelter |
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...and on the Helter Skelter, anything goes.
A rare collacoration between the Beatles and Cole Porter. Next: Doppelgangers |
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Scientists have found that when you smile and say hello to someone in the street but then realise to your horror that it's not someone you know, but just someone that looks like them, time actually slows down from your perspective.
This phenomenon is known as the "Doppelganger Shift". A side-effect of this is that the reflected from your face becomes shifted towards the red end of the spectrum. This red-shift is related to the distance to a suitable hiding place, e.g a Wetherspoons pub. Next: JD Wetherspoon. |
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JD Wetherspoon is not a fabricated name as is commonly assumed. It is in fact the real name of Sade. However, JD Wetherspoon does not sound like a languid ballad singer, but instead like a Sheriff in a small town in Alabama.
The record company thought this was a bad idea and a three-week session from a focus group came up with "Sade" as the consensus name. Second was "Angel", but this was discarded as the Spanish market would be expecting a white bloke of dubious sexuality and big glasses. Next: The Cola Wars |
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Amongst the lesser known predictions of Nostradamus was his prophecy of the Cola Wars ...' two dark forces from the west will come forth and flood the world with fizzy pop '....although his prediction that smoked salmon flavoured coke would take over from water as the worlds staple drinking fluid has yet to come to fruition
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next: Hieronymus Bosch
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Renaissance visionary. Painter of fantasy works without equal in his time, he also invented household appliances and was a leading figure in the advancement of diesel injectors. The panel "Hell" - from His best known work, "The Garden of Earthly Delights" - features many instances of musical instruments being utilised as instruments of torture; proving beyond doubt that he was the father of teenage children.
Next: The bird-headed monster. |
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Frequents the Havana Bar, the Living Room and Flanagan's amongst others in Liverpool on a Friday night.
Next: HP sauce |
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HP Sauce is eaten exclusively by customer of ocean finance.
Next: The RNLI |
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The RNLI was the 18th single released by the Village People.
With it's trademark dance, it was an instant flop. The lyrics went as follows: Young man, there's no need you should drown I said, young man, put this lifebelt around I said, young man, and you'll stop going down There's no need to be unbuoyant. etc. Next: Villages |