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Chit Chat
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Amazing Fact Chain Letter
Amazing Fact Chain Letter
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Sons and Lovers
The Chit-Chat love that dare not speak its name. Next: The Brighton line |
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When the Romans invaded Britain in 450BC they landed in Brighton, which was then a small hamlet with only a few gay people living there.
Noted for their straight road building the Romans started this by painting a line from Brighton to Winchester, which they then built the road along. They then replicated this all over the country and built loads of pencil stright roads. Archeologists have discovered many of theses painted lines over the centuries, the most noted are the Washing Line in Blackpool and the Morning Line in Newmarket. Unfortunately the Brighton Line has never been found. Next: Pebbles on the Beach |
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Found this on page 40.
Is it worth reading? |
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no
next. |
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Pebbles On The Beach was the name the owner gave his filly, but it had too many letters, so it was shortened to Pebbles On The Be, but it looked stupid, so it was shortened again to Pebbles.
Next: Will Colly Go Back And Read This Great Thread |
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I've read back to page 90 something SF, some fantastic scatalogical stuff on here. I've indulged missen and unashamedly C&P'd the favourite one of mine..
Next: New Balls Please. collywobble 22 Jun 09 18:56 The term 'New balls please!' was first used on the deck of the 'Victory' at the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805. Nelson stood on the poop deck and in the early exchanges took a cannonball to his right arm which ripped it clean off. 'New arm please, bosun' he demanded. While waiting for the arm a musket shot ricoched off the yard arm staright into his left eye. 'New eye please Midshipman, and see where the bosun has got to, I cant look through me telescope and fire me musket with just the one' he intoned. Just then another cannonball whacked him in the nether regions. 'New balls please Hardy!' he squealed in a strange high-pitched voice. 'And send a message to Lady Hamilton, that there'll be no more rogering until Friday at the earliest. Next: Kiss me |
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Such a shame that so many of them got screwed up when the thread was migrated in May 2010. Some posts have got small chunks, big chunks, medium chunks missing and no longer make any sense. Well, less sense than they made before anyway.
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Speaking of boggle, where is he? I haven't seen him post anything for months.
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MoMM, I didn't realise what a mess Betfair had made of this thread until I checked back to see when I first posted on it.
I knew it was sometime in June 2005 and was one of the first 3 contributions I made to Chit Chat, other than the Supreme Quizzes, when I first started to post in March/April 2005. There is no 'next' of any context before my post of 19th of June that year - making my contribution even more nonsensical than usual. However, I think it did mark the first time I conversed with Sparky, as he remarked "Oi!" showing himself to be a closet Stokie - in reference to Ford Anglias being known in Stoke as 'Angulas'! |
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"Kiss me,Hardy" whispered Nelson as he lay dying.
"Kiss your what,Sir?" replied the slightly hard of hearing Hardy. Next: Hello sailor! |
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The musical Hello Dolly! didn't go down too well with the gay fraternity, so self styled gay impressario Pinkie Sweetbotham rewrote it and entitled it Hello Sailor!
It went down a storm with his camp audiences with lyrcs such as: 'Hello Sailor, well Hello Sailor!' 'It's so good to have you back, show us your dong!' Next: Phantom of the Opera. |
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By 'eck colly you don't hang about do you
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Thomas Zengotita was obsessed with opera but couldn't afford the entrance fee so used to sneak in without paying which often led to him being arrested. The latest such escapade saw him hauled up before the Magistrate for punishment. The sympathetic Court reporter,writing up the trial,described the unfortunate fellow as "Fan,Tom,of the Opera".
Next: La Scala. |
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I think I've fallen in love with that lass, Carla
 Next: Blue eyes |
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'Blue eyes, baby's got blue eyes, dee dee de dee de dee (cant remember the last bit, hence the dees)' is the beginning of a song that I cant remember the title of.
One song I can remember about eyes is 'The Night has a Thousand Eyes' (Which it obviously hasn't) I cant remember who sang it. Maybe it was The Isley Brothers. There have been 4,294 songs in the chart since 1960, with the word 'Eyes' in the title. Yet hardly any with Nose in the title. I cant remember any. Unless you count The Beach Boys 'God only Nose' which wouldn't be strictly in the spirit of genuine research. Next: The distances were a nose and half a length. |
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The Wacky Races 100 yard dash was won by Speedy Gonzales with Pinocchio in 2nd and a flagging Ron Jeremy in 3rd.
The distances were a nose and half a length. Next: The gruesome twosome. |
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Prior to the last election a Tory Spin Doctor who was having some mental health issues (no surprises there then) Came up with the slogan:
'Vote for Cameron and Osbourne: The Gruesome Twosome' Obviously he was quickly spirited away by the party grandees, but he's recently been seen around the corridoors of Conservative Party Central Office with a smug look on his face. Next: Election fever |
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Prior to the last election a Tory Spin Doctor who was having some mental health issues (no surprises there then) Came up with the slogan:
'Vote for Cameron and Osbourne: The Gruesome Twosome' Obviously he was quickly spirited away by the party grandees, but he's recently been seen around the corridoors of Conservative Party Central Office with a smug look on his face. Next: Election fever |
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The Government's Chief Medical Officer has ordered that a section of Fleet Street be cordoned off as laboratory tests show an outbreak of election fever. Journalists at one newspaper are believed to have shown signs of the disease over the past few days and doctors are concerned that it may spread. Election fever is known to spread by sound waves, developing a frightening momentum of its own as more and more reporters talk about elections and eventually the Government calls one. Other symptoms of the disease include needlessly interviewing innocent members of the public about whom they will vote for and foaming at the mouth.
Next: Rabid nonsense |
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OK Louis, I'll give it a go for old time's sake...
Non-league Romford Athletic have denied they are about to join the bidding war for want away Manure striker Wayne Rooney. The headline in the Romford Gazzette summed it up: R.A. Bid Nonsense. Next: Alex Ferguson's watch. |
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Contrary to popular belief, Alex Fergusons watch is nothing to do with his timepiece that runs up to 270 seconds behind the rest of te Universe. It goes back to his army days when he was on patrol with his platoon, a.k.a. the dirty dozen. Without Ferguson they became known as the Erstwhile Eleven, leaving Alex to guard the camp in their absence.
Hence it was always: Alex Fergusons Watch Next: Tommy Toes mobile phone |
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Nelson Mandela has been clutching an unknown object very close to his chest since being admitted to hospital.
On closer inspection, it's now been identified as Tommy Toes mobile phone. Next: The phantom raspberry blower |
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The new Rolls-Royce Silver Phantom (RRP £225,999) has a air con which when activated wafts the aroma of fruit into the cabin.
The Phantom raspberry blower is just one of the settings you can choose. Next: Is Con Air on again? |
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Looks challenged actor Steve Buscemi co-starred in Con Air. The tag line 'unless you are Steve Buscemi' featured heavily in Ed Byrne's 2007 comedy tour - e.g. has anyone noticed how stunning women are attracted to anybody famous? Or rich? You know that pimple cream advert which says first impressions really count etc.
Next: Gabriel Byrne |
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Gabriel Byrne's dad was Talking Heads founder David Byrne. Gabriel's mother was Thora Hird who gave David the idea for his band's name after appearing in one of Alan Bennett's monologues of the same name.
Next: Cream Crackers |
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Cream Crackers are the earliest trademarked food item in the whole of Christendom, by Jacob of Genesis.
Sadly, overshadowed by the overpowering Peter Gabriel and Phil Collins, Jacobs' music making has ceased, his crackers however will live on forevermore. Next: The Invisible Touch  |
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The Invisible Touch was an illusion used by a well-known stage magician to convince young ladies that he had touched them when in fact he hadn't.
Unfortunately the illusion was so successful that he is now being investigated by officers from Operation Yewtree. Next: Up a gumtree. |
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the village of Upper Gumtree are the most successful football team of all time.
they play their fixtures on the hill separating the two villages with a ball of cheese weighing just under 1 ton,they have won every single game played over the last 700 years and are yet to concede a goal! lower gumtree goalie and wart charmer Stanley winterbuttock was up beat after the last thrashing "we'll beat them next year,we just need a big fella upfront to hold the ball up Next: flat stanley |
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In 1930 Flat Stanley as he was rather cruely known was an office boy earning just a quid a week.
35 years later he was a Knight Of The Realm. Many have this achievement down to his amazing footballing ability. However the truth is that it was his breast augmentation that turned the boy into a man. Flat Stanley became, with the aid of his swinging appendages "The Wizard Of Dribble", and to his dribbling changing room team mates "Sumptous Stan". Next: That's Another Fine Mess. |
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After evesdropping on another conversation on Chit Chat, I have just seen that the esteemed Collywobble had his post on the next 'Next' removed by Betfair.
This comes after Rob Dylan had a post of his pulled in the Chit Chat pub last week which was a cryptic clue for a crossword - the answer to which was *shock horror*...Biggleswade! Laurel and Hardy would have been laughed out of court in sheer disbelief in relating what another fine mess Betfair continue to make of this forum. Next: Thicko pillocks |
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Excellent Tomster!
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I'd have replied sooner, Colly, but have had to log out of Betfair again - 15 mins ago (that's how long it takes for everything to 'whir down' - to get some semblance of workablity for the next half hour on this joke of a site.
Some people think the fault lies with Chrome - I can guarantee them that it isn't at all: It's Betfair at fault. It's always Betfair. They have people chasing their tail for weeks on end trying all sorts of resolutions when it's all the fault of Betfair IT bods pratting about with things again - but they NEVER admit to it. For them to now start removing totally innocuous posts from well-loved threads must really mean that their isn't anyone with even a quarter of a brain left at the helm at Betfair Towers. |
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collywobble 23 Jan 14 17:31
Nah.. Ive lost me muse since you and boggle left. No competition. Sorry colly - we do our humble best  |
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Ha! Sorry TM. Not having a go at anyone, It's just that when moody and especially boggle were posting brilliant stuff on this thread it was tough to try and keep up.
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travelling man has made me chortle on many occasions. There's even been the odd guffaw. |
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Tommy Toes 23 Jan 14 17:48 Next: Thicko pillocks |
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Thicko pillocks are the makers of Asus laptops and the prioprioters of Currys who've been arsng about with my computer for the last few months, keeping me off the forum and making me type this rubbish on me mobile.
Next: Tiny Screens |