Dr Alice Roberts had the unique distinction of knocking Coronation Street off the top of the ratings during the summer of 2010 when the TV programme she was presenting was mistakenly advertised as Dogging For Britain.

Next: Bizarre Sports

While mapping the far reaches of the Siberian Steppes the famous explorer,Professor Marmaduke Crump,discovered a hitherto unknown breed of Meerkat.

Upon his return he applied to The British Institue of Zoology for official recognition of his find but the ruling members of that august body were initially reluctant. However they were eventually persuaded as to it's authenticity after being pressed by suitable encouragements of the alcoholic variety.

The next issue of their Trade Journal reported this in an article headlined "B.I.Z. Are Sports".

Next: Furry friends

So popular have meerkats become since those adverts, ITV3 have commisioned a new sitcom in which two female meerkats and two male meerkats share an apartment in Moscow. Entitled 'Furry Friends' the meerkats will hilariously fall in and out of love with each other over and over and over again,until they and everybody else is sick to death of it.

Next: Simple Minds

Charles II was reputedly a bit of a ladies' man. When he died, women went around flashing a bit of their petticoat as a mark of respect, which is where the expression 'Charlie's Dead' comes from, used when a young lady has a bit of her petticoat showing.

The expression has morphed somewhat over the years into "Oi love, ya skiddies are showing", often accompanied by a wedgie and much laughter.

Next: Niblick

Niblick once came up on Call My Bluff where it was defined as either:


Trevor Eve: A small stick for hitting a small ball into small a hole in a big field.

Frank Muir: A slang term for a type of psychosis among mental patients that manifests itself by the obsessive writing of letters to the Daily Mail to complain about how bad everything is. (The term suggests the frantic licking of the tip of one’s pen, at first to get some ink flowing and then just because you’ve gone very mad).

Hannah Gordon: A sexual act that extremely short people, such as myself, can perform without having to drop to their knees

It was one of those rare blunders on the show when all three answers turned out to be correct.

Next: Rancour

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Not a lot of people know this, but during WW2 the British designed and built a top-secret underwater landing craft capable of delivering a 50-strong platoon of soldiers onto a beach. The idea of course behind the Nautilus-Class Submarine Landing Craft (or the N-boat as it was called) was that no-one would see them coming and they'd have the element of surprise. Furthermore, to confuse the enemy the submarine was cunningly disguised to look like a gigantic Great White shark.

The building of the prototype coincided with the planned 'Great Escape' from Stalag Luft III at Sagan in East Germany. Messages were smuggled between the British High Command and the Escape Committee in which use of the N-boat was offered to pick up the escaped prisoners from a beach near Bremerhaven. When the Escape Committee politely pointed out that the boat would be far too small to carry 200 men, the High Command sent back this message:

"Re great escape, agree N-Boat no good. You're going to need a bigger boat."


Next: Jaws

There is a large variety of intractable medical conditions such as continuous hiccups, sneezing, orgasms etc. which can cause a severe amount of discomfort, especially when they go on for years and years without cure. The case of Austrian-born Otto Wilhelm is an unusual one though: the only case of intractable screaming known to medical science.

Otto's accute condition made him very unwelcome wherever he went, and he found it impossible to hold down a job as his constant screaming was very unnerving for work colleagues. At its height, he would give a short burst of his blood-curdling scream every two seconds.

If you click on the following link and press play every two seconds it'll give you an inkling of what those around him had to put up with.
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http://tinyurl.com/29wgron

Not that there ever was anyone around him of course!

But it wasn't all bad. Warner Brothers eventually gave him a job in their sound effects department and the Wilhelm Scream has now been immortalised in a plethora of films.

Next: What's Up Doc?

Slackers!

Little-known but often heard Nobby Kash,of Hecklers Comedy fame,has worked in the entertainment industry for over 25 years,specifically in comedy since 1995 when the original Hecklers Comedy Club was formed. Along with regular weekly and monthly shows he has worked at numerous Fringe Festivals,corporate comedy events,outdoor festivals,tours and one off speciality shows,in fact anywhere where a comic's material requires a heckler to put down.

Next: Stand-up.

Very good Colly!

Neil Young was among the first to combine singing, song writing and sign writing into a one-thing-does-all kind of package when he composed A Man Needs a Maid.

In need of some lyrics and chords for a hit single and also for some old biddy to come in and clean twice a week, in that order, Young killed three birds with one stone by scribbling some chords and words onto a sheet of paper which he had printed up and placed in the window of his home as an advert for a cleaner.

He was successful and soon had a big hit (and an old biddy coming in and doing for him). He thought he’d try to repeat the success but his second attempt backfired though when burglars called after placing his latest tune, Out on the Weekend, on a placard in the front window.

Next: Sweet Baby James

'This morning I had another talk with the German Chancellor, Herr Hitler' is the beginning of one of the momentous speeches in British history and ends with Chamberlain saying with deep gravitas 'no such undertaking has been received, and that consequently I'm heartbroken and the planned wedding between Adolf and myself is now cancelled, forever.

Next: The Neville Brothers.

The word Stuntmen was coined by the film industry in the 1930s when The Wizard of Oz was in its planning stage. There was a shortage of little people to play the Munchkins so MGM hired a group of 'stunt' men to go round bashing children on the head with a rubber mallet in order to stunt their growth.

Next: Herbie the Hammer

Trim Phones are the latest fad in the weight loss industry. They don't work as a method of communication at all other than in one specific way: When you dial a number all you get is a map of  the location of the corresponding number you've dialled and a picture of a pair of training shoes - the theory being it will 'gee up' the fatty making the call to actually move their almighty lard@arseness and speak to the recipient of their message face to face.

Profits reported so far have failed to reach expectations and there are rumours of a massive internet superbug about to be launched on the cyber highway by Trim Phones Ltd to disable all e-mails and social networking sites. It has been reported that entrepreneurs in bird lofts all around the country are all of a Twitter on a massive money making spin-off.

Next: Carrier Pigeons R Us

Carrier pigeons have largely been superseded by carrier bags, except in Northern Ireland.


Next: Brian Cant.

Eric Pickles christian name is derived from Oliver Twist.

The trouble was, that at the registrars office, his dad was Brahms + Liszt, and when asked for the name he said 'It's something to with Sykes' as Erics mum was a Dickens fan.

However, the registrar was a comedy fan, and so ventured 'Eric, perhaps?' which was agreed.

His real surname was Sterson, but when Betfair was launched and Ericster's son was found top be a fat lazy bastard who never went to work, Eric decided on a name change.

He thought it might be cool to be named after an animal, something like Eric Cougar or Eric Piranha, but like his dad, he got pi$$ed, and the first name he thought of was the dog that found the missing Jules Rimet Trophy back in the 1960s.

Next: Eddie Izzards wardrobe

intermission

over the last few days I have been browsing this in between races

some funny stuff on here, and some that I don't even recall typing 

149 different posters by page 50.

ttt