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HE SAID YOU WOULD HAVE TO SLEEP WITH OTHER MEN ,I TOLD HIM MY MAM WOULDNT ALLOW THAT ,EVEN IF I WORE MY PYJAMAS
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HE SAID IF YOU WOULDNT SLEEP WITH THE MEN YOU WOULD HAVE TO SLEEP IN THE STABLE,I SAID IF ITS GOOD ENOUGH FOR JESUS ITS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME
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HE SAID I WOULD HAVE TO START CLEANING OUT THE STABLES ,I SAID SO LONG AS YOUR HOOVER IS A DYSON ,I DONT MIND
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HE SAID THERES NO ELECTRICITY ON THE FARM ,I SAID IVE NEVEWR HERD OF A GAS T V
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HE SAID THERE IS NO T V ,AND NO COMPUTER ,I TOLD HIM STRAIGHT NO BETFAIR NO JOB AND PUT THE PHONE DOWN
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I WAS GOING TO BE A RODEO RIDER UNTILL SOMEONE TOLD ME THE HORSES ARNT TAME,I SAID IT DOESNT MATER IF ITS NOT TAME I WASNT GOING TO LET IT LIE ON MY BED ANYWAY,THEY SAID THEY TRY AND KICK YOU ,I SAID SO DOES MY LITTLE BROTHER BUT I COPED,THE RODEO MAN SAID I WAS TOO FAT ,I SAID HEY COWBOY YOU WANT TO LEARN SOME MANNERS
HE SAID IM SORRY SIR BUT YOUR TOO FAT PLEASE |
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I THOUGHT I WOULD JUMP ON ONE OF THOSE LONG TRAINS AND SEE WHERE IT TOOK ME TO ,I GOT ON IN DISNEYLAND AND ENDED UP IN THE EPCOT CENTER
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I WENT TO THAT CAPE KENNERDY SPACE CENTER IN FLORIDA,AS IM A BUISNESS MAN ,I NOTICED STRAIGHT AWAY THEY WERE MISSING A TRICK ,I WENT TO THE BOSSES OFFICE AND TOLD HIM THEY SHOULD HAVE SPACE ROCKET RIDES ,HE SAID IT WOULD BE TOO DEAR TO GO TO THE MOON,
I TOLD HIM WELL JUST DO A COUPLE OF ORBITS ROUND THE EARTH ,HE TOOK ME ON AN ESCORTED TRIP OUT OF THE BUILDING ,I THOUGHT THAT WAS VERY NICE OF HIM ,EVEN THOUGH HE DIDNT WAVE ME BYE BYE |
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WHEN I WAS NEAR THE SPACE CENTRE I SAW AN ALLIGATOR CROSSING THE ROAD,I SAID TO A LIVERPUDLIAN ,WHATS THAT ALLIGATOR CROSSING THE ROAD FOR ,HE SAID HES PROBERBLY LOOKING FOR A CHICKEN
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I SAID TO THE LIVERPUDLIAN THATS LIKE THE CHICKEN CROSSING THE ROAD ,HE SAID YOU THICK YANK ,I SAID IM NOT A YANK,I SAID IVE FROM MANCHESTER , HE SAID I SAID YOU THICK MANK
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THERE WAS ONE VERY LARGE OBESE AMERICAN FAMILY ,I STARTED TALKING TO THEM ,I SAID HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO ENGLAND THEY SAID NO,THEY MIGHT SINK THE PLANE
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THEY SAID DISNEY LAND WASNT LIKE THE REST OF AMERICA ,THEY SAID LOTS OF AMERICA IS OPEN ALL THE TIME ,AND DOESNT CLOSE AT 9 AT NIGHT
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I SAID THERES ONLY ONE PUB IN DISNEYLAND AND THERES NOT MANY IN IT,HE SAID EVER SINCE THEY BARRED MINNY AND MICKEY FOR STREAKING ALL THEIR FRIENDS HAVE BARRED THEMSELVES ,AND GOOFY ATTENDS A A
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WHEN I GET LOADS OF MONEY ,IM GOING TO GO TO LAS VEGAS ,AND IM GOING TO SAY TO THE LADY CROUPIER ,HI DOLL IM DO WAH DIDDY SPIN THAT WHEEL LIKE YOUVE NEVER SPUN IT BEFORE
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I WANT TO WEAR A BIG COWBOY HAT ,AND I WANT TO HEAR PEOPLE SAY WHO ON EARTH IS THAT,AND WHAT IS THAT
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IF IT WASNT FOR MR KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN AND MR MCDONALD ,THERES ALOT OF PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO WOULDNT GET A PROPER MEAL WHEN THEIR MAM LEAVES THEM
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YOU HAVE DIFFERENT SIZE SHOES TO US IN ENGLAND DOES THAT MEAN YOU HAVE DIFFERENT SIZE FEET
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YOU HAVE DOLLARS AND WE HAVE POUNDS ,AT LEAST YOU CAN READ THE WRITEING ON YOUR MONEY ,ITS NOT LIKE WHEN YOU GO TO CHINA ,YOU DONT KNOW WHAT MONEY THEY GIVE YOU IN THE CHANGE AS YOU CANT READ THE WRITEING ON IT
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I WANT TO GO TO DODGE CITY AND SEE WHERE BILLY THE KIDD WAS BURIED
I ALSO WANT TO HO TO THE HIGH CHAPPERAL RANCH AND SEE WHERE BILLY THE GOAT WAS BURIED |
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I WOULD LIKE TO MEET SOMEONE WHO WORKED IN ELVIS PRESSLEYS HOUSE ,AND I WOULD ASK THEM DID THEY EVER TELL HIM TO SHUT UP ,WHEN HE STARTED SINGING AND THEY HAD A HEADACHE
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I WOULD LIKE TO MEET CASSIUS CLAY AND ASK HIM DID HIS FRIENDS AT SCHOOL USED TO CALL AT HIS HOUSE AND SAY TO HIS MAM
CAN CASSIUS CLAY COME OUT TO PLAY |
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IF ID OF BEEN AT SCHOOL WITH MIKE TYSON IN AMERICA ID OF SAID TO HIM LETS PLAY BOXING ,YOU KNOCK THEM OUT ,AND ILL COUNT THEM OUT
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I WOULD SAY TO HIM YOU CAN BE MY BEST FRIEND MIKEY WHEN SOME ONE PICKS ON ME
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IF HE EVER SAID TO ME DO WAH DIDDY CAN I HAVE A GO OF YOUR BIKE ,I WOULD SAY MIKEY HAVE 2 GOES
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I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO MADISON SQUARE GARDEN AND SEE A BIG FIGHT ,MY AMERICAN FRIEND SAYS THATS THE BEST PLACE TO SEE A BIG FIGHT IN THE CROWD ,HE SAID EVEN THE WOMEN HAVE A GOOD GO
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I WOULD LIKE TO WALK ROUND THE RING WITH ONE OF THEM SCAMPERLY CLAD GIRLS WHO TELL YOU WHAT ROUND IT IS ON A BIG CARD ,
AND IF ANY ONE SHOUTED OUT GET THEM OFF ,I WOULD SHOUT WHAT YOU GOING TO DO WITH MY UNDERPANTS |
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I WOULD GO IN THE CASINO IN LAS VEGAS,AND PUT ONE CHIP ON BLACK ,AND ONE CHIP ON RED ,AND IF ANYONE SAID YOU CANT WIN DOING THAT ,I WOULD SAY IM HERE FOR THE WEEK AND I WANT TO LOOSE MY MONEY SLOWLY
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IF THEY SAID YOU CANT WIN WHEN THE WHEEL STOPS ON GREEN ,I WOULD SAY YOUR LIKE THEM ON BETFAIR WHO THINK THEY KNOW IT ALL
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IF THEY SAID HAVE A GO ON THE BLACKJACK ,I WOULD SAY IM TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM RACEISM, IM FROM ENGLAND ON HOLIDAY
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IF THEY SAID GO AND HAVE A GO ON A FRUIT MACHINE,I WOULD SAY SIR ,THERES NO NEED TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT
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I BELIEVE YOU CAN GAMBLE ALL DAY AND NIGHT IN LAS VEGAS ,ITS A GOOD JOB I WASNT BORN THERE OR MY FAMILY WOULDNT KNOW WHAT I LOOKED LIKE
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NO WONDER THAT DEAN MARTIN WAS ALLWAYS DRUNK IF THE BAR WAS OPEN ALL DAY AND NIGHT
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IF ANY OF THEM HIGH CLASS HOOKERS CAME NEAR ME ,AND TRIED TO PROPOSITION ME ,I WOULD SAY BECAUSE IM A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC AND COMPULSIVE GAMBLER ,DOESNT MEAN TO SAY IVE GOT NO MORALS ,
YOUR A BEAUYFULL LADY BUT IVE NO TIME FOR HANKY PANKY,AND TAKE YOUR BOTTOM OFF MY CHIPS |
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I KEEP ENTERING COMPETITIONS FOR A TRIP TO LAS VEGAS AND FREE GAMBLING MONEY AND ACCOMODATION ,BUT UP TO NOW IVE ONLY WON A 50 CENT PIECE TO PUT IN A MACHINE
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SORRY I TELL A LIE ,I ALSO WON A DOLLAR OFF A HAPPY MEAL IN MCDONALDS ,BUT IVE GOT TO USE THAT VOUCHER BEFORE DECEMBER
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ONE OF THEM SECRET MILLIONAIRES ONCE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR ,AND WHEN SHE FOUND OUT HOW I BECAME PENNYLESS ,ALL SHE DONE WAS GET SOMEONE ONE TO TAKE ME TO GAMBLERS ANNONOMOUSE ,SHE DIDNT EVEN GIVE ME MY MONEY FOR THE BUS FARE THERE
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THERES A GAMBLERS ANNONOMOUSE IN AMERICA I BELIEVE THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE ONE IN ENGLAND AND THE ONE IN AMERICA IS YOU TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOUVE LOST IN DOLLARS OVER THERE AND YOU TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOUVE LOST IN POUNDS IN ENGLAND
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I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO WALL STREET IN AMERICA AND SHOUT OUTSIDE THEIR OFFICES YOUR A LOAD OF BANKERS
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I WANT TO GO TO THE TOWN WHERE THE SHERRIFF KICKED RAMBO OUT OF TOWN ,I WANT TO SEE IF HES STILL IN OFFICE
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I WANT TO GO TO HARLEM AND SAY TO THE TOWNSFOLK ,I USED TO BE A GLOBETROTTER UNTILL I LOST ALL MY MONEY GAMBLING
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