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Got any jokes?
Got any jokes?
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A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself...'I’m going to take that.' I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was, Where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country? |
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Was there a limited number of Latvian jokes?
eg Latvian walk into bar with pig on shoulder. Bartender say, “That look delicious!” But pig say, “No. Is Latvian. Taste is similar to dog.” |
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his Mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are identical twins, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!!"
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Latvian walk into bar with pig on shoulder. Bartender say, “That look delicious!” But pig say, “No. Is Latvian. Taste is similar to dog.”
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The Americans have invented a machine that catches thieves. They took it out for a test & caught 500 thieves in 3 mins. They sold it to China & caught 3000 thieves in 2 mins. In South Africa it caught 6000 thieves in 1min. They brought it to liverpool & some focker stole it!
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1/10
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i didnt ask for a rating..
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Put something funny up then and you might get a smiley
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a desperado tried to rob the supermarket but made his escape with nothing when a brave shop assistant, who was stacking the shelves at the time, struck him with the label gun they were using at the time. Police say that the robber has a price on his head.
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Priest asks the Pope, "When is it okay to have sex with young boys?".Pope replies, "When they have left school".Priest says "Roll on 4 O'Clock".
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Newspaper reported story about an octopus in London Zoo that could play any musical intrument and later decided to hold a competition, where any reader would be awarded £100,000 if the Octopus failed to play a tune on any instrument presented at the Zoo the following Saturday. First guy produces an electric guitar and the beast starts playing Apache, the hit by the Shadows. "Hard luck", says the editor and the guy goes on his way. Next guy produces a trumpet and the octopus batters out a great rendition of When The Saints Go Marching In. "Hard luck", says the editor once again and the guy goes on his way. For the next few hours the routine repeats itself. Banjo, Flute, Drums, Keyboard, Violin, Cello, etc etc are presented and the octopus plays them all magnificently. Finally, a Scotsman approaches with a set of Bagpipes and presents them to the octopus, confidently stating, "He`ll never play the pipes". "Of course he will", sneers the editor. For 20 minutes the octopus grapples and wrestles with the Bagpipes and not a single note comes out of them. The disgruntled editor grudgingly writes the guy a cheque for £100.000 before angrilly turning on the octopus, "I thought you said you could play any musical instrument in the world"? "Play it", replied the octopus, "I was trying to get the knickers of it"!!!
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Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing.
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After a night out on the town, Bill woke up in the morning staring at one of the ugliest woman he'd ever seen. That's when he realised he had made it home safely
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Paddy......“Christmas is on Friday this year.” Mike.....“Gee! I hope it's not the 13th then.”
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One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in
cells. It appears that Mexicans and African Americans is not the correct answer. |
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I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new
children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name. |
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A new Muslim clothing shop opened here in Luton, but I've been banned
from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets. |
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The red cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the
floods in Pakistan . I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the end of the driveway. |
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I just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Face
Book. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!! |
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Latvia president accept Georgia president visit.
"Mister Sakashvilli, is you hungry?" ask the Latvia president Sakashvilli responds "Me not have good potato since evil Russia invade our deh-moh-kratics Youro-pian country. Evil Putin regime deprive our children from good potato and is must be stopped. Me think there must be sanctions against Putin Russia." Latvia president say "Oh sorry, me have only potato from Russia aid program to Latvia." Georgia president embarrassed "Can your cameraman cut off that speech then, good friend?" Latvia president laughs and slaps knee "Not be worry, friend, cameraman just for show. We not can afford film for long time now." |
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Keep em coming Bigmo, the flood one made me spit my tea.
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Little lad bawling his eyes out in Sainsburys today.
Manager asked him what the matter was. 'I've lost my mum' he said. 'Whats she like' asked the manager. 'Vodka and big c*cks' the lad replied. |
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whats the difference between jam and marmalade?
you can't marmalade your c0ck up a birds @rse |
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My wife left as she didn't like the way I was always stroking pasta.
I'm feeling cannelloni now. |
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For my birthday this year I'm hoping for a moaner or even a screamer
All I got last year was a sweater |
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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." |
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Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
A: Dress her up as a goat. |
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How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews. |
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Q: How come the Taliban are not circumcised?
A: It gives them a place to put their bubblegum during a sandstorm. |
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Q: How can you tell the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists can be negotiated with. |
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Q: Did you hear what the men say in a Muslim strip club?
A: 'Get your face out for the boys...' |
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I got a new stick deodorant yesterday.
The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but whenever I pass wind the room smells lovely . |
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keep the muslim jokes coming bigmo
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bigmo 04 Aug 11 09:17 Joined: 23 Jul 03 | Topic/replies: 619 | Blogger: bigmo's blog Q: How come the Taliban are not circumcised? A: It gives them a place to put their bubblegum during a sandstorm. |
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you're starting to repeat previous ones already posted now bigmo
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WHAT DO U CALL THAT USELESS BIT OF SKIN AROUND A TW*T...?
A WOMAN |
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Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers
"Since when do you wear womens pants?" "Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!" |
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Doing my best not to duplicate but it's almost impossible.
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Whats black and white and starving?
Amy Winehouse's cat!! |