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Got any jokes?
Got any jokes?
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Replies: 14,654
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2 PATIENTS IN RAMPTON ONE SIAD TO THE OTHER IS THE CLOCK ON THE WALL RIGHT HIS MATE SAID YES ,THE OTHER FELLA SIAD WHATS IT DOING IN HERE
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SECRETARY WALKED IN TO HER BOSSES OFFICE SHE SAID CAN I USE YOUR DICKTAPHONE HE SAID NO USE YA FINGER LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
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THE PLANE LANDS AT THE AIRPORT THE CAPTAIN SAYS WEVE MADE HISTORY BY FLYING THE ATLANTIC IN 5 AND 1-4 HOURS ,THE PADDY GETS UP AND SAYS IS THAT A RECORD SIR THE CAPTAINS SAYS NO IT WAS ME SPEAKING
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THE IRISHMAN WENT TO A CAR BOOT SALE BACKED INTHE WRONG WAY AND SOLD THE FKKIN ENGINE
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It's like the 1970s never died.
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THIS COLURED GENTLEMEN WENT INTO A PUB WITH A PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER THE BARMAN SAID WHERE DID U GET THAT FROM THE PARROT SAID AFRICA WHERED YA THINK
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I HAD A MATE AT SCHOOL ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A DO-GOODER HE WENT TO AFRICA TO HELP THE HUNGRY ...AND THEY ETT HIM
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i took an irish bird for a drink,
i said,"what you having?" she said,"orange juice please", i said,"still?" she said,"i havnt changed my mind yet!" |
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what do you call a p@ki with a 12 inch c0ck?
asif |
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THE PLANE LANDS AT THE AIRPORT THE CAPTAIN SAYS WEVE MADE HISTORY BY FLYING THE ATLANTIC IN 5 AND 1-4 HOURS ,THE PADDY GETS UP AND SAYS IS THAT A RECORD SIR THE CAPTAINS SAYS NO IT WAS ME SPEAKING
was the pilot irish as well? |
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WHATS HIT MORE BALLS THAN IAN BOATHAMS BAT ....ELTON JOHNS CHIN
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Neighbours funeral to-day.............Hit on the head by a tennis ball.................It was a lovely service.............
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It was fckng chilly in bed last night.
I think the wife must have left her vagina open. |
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When I see lovers' names carved into a tree I don't think it's cute,
I just think it's strange how many people take knives on a date. |
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My dentist told me he needs to give me a prostate exam tomorrow.
He can f*ck off, I may not be the sharpest tool in the box, but I know that can't be right. It's only been a few weeks since he gave me the last one. |
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I put my left leg in. My left leg out. In. Out. In. Out. I shook it all about. I did the Hokey Cokey and I turned around.
And that's when the taxi driver said, "Just get in the f*cking car, pal". |
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Walking the wife home from her weightwatchers class last night, I held her close as we went through a nasty-looking underpass system in the rough end of town.
As we turned a corner, I locked eyes with a filthy tramp eating someone's discarded takeaway from a bin. "Look at that poor f*cker, I'm glad I'm not him." He probably thought. |
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I really wish I knew who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on.
The suspension is killing me. |
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i call my wife Marge,
her legs spread very easily |
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i got assaulted in a marquee,
they charged the bloke with wounding within tent |
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a chap was on a weeks holiday and went for a game of golf.A good looking blonde was having a game on her own so he asked if she wanted to join him for a game,They got on well,went for a drink,one thing led to another and she game him a ****,but wouldnt let him sh@g her!.This went on all week ,and on the last day ,he asked her,"how come you wont let me sh@g you?"
She said,"if i tell you ,you are going to be annoyed". "I wont" replied the bloke! "well,-im a transvestite!" The bloke went mad,"you fecking b@stard",he screamed! "I knew you would be mad" said the tranny, "too feckin right im mad,you"v been playing off the ladies tees all week!" |
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What's black got three holes and always has a c*ck in it?..
An EDL balaclava. |
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"AVALANCHE!" screamed my wife.
Which, if anything, made the situation worse. |
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President Obama says the NSA isn't listening to my phone conversations with my wife...
That makes two of us. |
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I've been told I'm not ambitious enough.
If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy b*stard. That bronze medal would be mine. |
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Can you speak Yorkshire?
Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth. Police say the dangerous practice is called "e by gum" ............................................................................. A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet. Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat." Vet: "Is it a tom?" Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us." ............................................................................. A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by. Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?" Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?" Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!" ............................................................................. The last is always best Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell @rse cream?" Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?" |
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v good pillh
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What's the difference between plunging a sink and giving a hand job?
Answers on a postcard to my wife, please. |
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Drew Barrymore.
Now I just need to color him in. |
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No matter how much I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers, the cashier keeps on putting them back!
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Technology moves too quickly for me these days.
I only tried to wipe the screen on my new phone because it was dusty, and now I've got a year's subscription to Netflix. |
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I'm not saying my wife's an ugly bint..
But I've quit my job so I don't have to kiss her goodbye in the morning. |
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She said she was approaching 40 - I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
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Everything that goes up must come down.But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
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This is still a great thread, keep up the good work bigmo
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Thanks s.kenbo
A daughter asked her mother how to spell peenis Her mum said -- 'You should have asked me last night -- it was on the tip of my tongue' |