Chit Chat
There is currently 1 person viewing this thread.
These 14654 comments are related to the topic:
Got any jokes?
Got any jokes?
sort by:
Show
per page
Replies: 14,654
|
By:
I got the mrs a French maids costume to get her in the mood but it was a waste of time. The house is still a bloody tip.
|
|
By:
I insisted to my good friend that suicide was not the answer. Anyway he insisted that it was, he was correct but we lost the pub quiz by one point and the mardy tw@t hasn't spoken to me since.
|
|
By:
Now I don't follow political sh1te normally but from what I can see, England has a sightly better chance of being in Europe next season than Manchester United.
|
|
By:
While cooking today I accidentally rubbed some herbs in my eyes.
I'm now Parsley sighted. |
|
By:
Caught my wife going through the neighbours bins.
She's not nosey. Just sh1t at parking |
|
By:
How many hookers does it take to change a President?
|
|
By:
Just saw a sign that made me p1ss myself.....
Toilets Closed. |
|
By:
Couple sat watching TV. The husband keeps swapping channels.
Golf Porn Golf Porn Golf Porn Golf Porn Wife says " FFS leave it on porn, you know how to play golf! |
|
By:
A mate of mine was stood at the airport International Arrivals gate holding up a sign when security approached and asked him to leave.
"Why am I being singled out?" he asked, motioning to the other people waiting there. "Why? Because none of them have a sign saying 'F*ck off back to your own country'. That's why." |
|
By:
It really annoys me when people put swear words at the end of their joke just to make it funny.
C**ts. |
|
By:
I've been having a problem with nuisance phone calls. The most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!
|
|
By:
I just hate when your sending a text, and your so rudely interrupted by a stupid jogger, bouncing of your windscreen.
|
|
By:
that one about the airport arrivals made me laugh out loud ! keep em coming bigmo !
|
|
By:
Thanks.
 |
|
By:
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. They all had to leave because the English man voted to.
|
|
By:
I said to the wife, "have you got a pet name for my c0ck?"
"Yeah, I call it War" she said. "Really, why?" I asked. "Because it's good for absolutely nothing." |
|
By:
My wife said that we would be leaving for dinner really soon and that she`ll be dressed in 10 minutes.
Perfect I thought, just enough time for me to watch the full game of thrones box set. |
|
By:
If you aren't over 40 this joke will probably go over your head. It was told to me by an old fella in the pub, (David O'R...., RIP) in the late 80s. I spilled my pint when he told it.
Guy walks into the pub and orders a pint of Whitbread Pale Ale. He sits at a table next to these two muscular women. Tough dames. Anyways, he goes to the toilet for a whizz, and when he emerges from the clungee, he sees one of the woman putting his pint glass to her @rse cheeks and letting rip. Horrified, he walks over to the table and asks "You f@rt in my Whitbread?" Chunky girl says "no, that's her. I'm Tessa Sanderson". *taxi for mo... * |
|
By:
I'm looking forward to reading Brendan Rodgers autobiography. "How to f*ck up the easiest job in world football."
|
|
By:
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare.
But he chewed it a lot. Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B. |
|
By:
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.
But, when I got home, they were still there. ————— The Mrs just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof. ————— Got a new aftershave called bread crumbs. The birds love it! ————— I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage. The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity. ————— What's the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus! ————— Went to the shop the earlier to buy 6 cans of Sprite. Only when I got home did I realise I'd picked 7up. ————— What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce? Chicken sees a salad. ————— I know loads of jokes about cash machines, I just can't think of one atm. ————— I found out why Toblerone is triangular today. So it fits in the box. Obvious really, when you think about it! |
|
By:
Aspro - respect - quality over quantity.
 |
|
By:
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...
I really need to wash some mugs. |
|
By:
"What does Allahu Akbar actually mean?" I asked Muhammad at work today.
"It has two meanings," he replied, "The first meaning is 'God is Great'". "And the second?" I asked. "Run like f*ck!" he said..... |
|
By:
I was invited to attend a lesbian rally.
Two hours of sh*t driving? No thanks. |
|
By:
I was so drunk night.
When i got to the bottom of the stairs, i took off my coat, shoes, top, trousers and underwear. I crept upstairs very quietly.... It was only when i got to the top of the stairs, i realised i was on the bus! |
|
By:
|
|
By:
Sorry Aspro- did you think that was sarcasm? It absolutely wasn't. The jab was not at you, who has come on here and posted a string of genuinely funny lines. Unlike others (or rather one significant other) who does post good stuff yet seems totally devoid of an ability to leave out the weak, the contrived and the sheer crass. Anyway, I will now do as you suggested.
|
|
By:
Apology accepted steerforth, although not really required as it appears I completely misread what you wrote. I think I should be one to apologise. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
...you can come back now  |
|
By:
Harry Redknapp should know what it's like putting his hand into a box full of cobwebs and spiders...
...He did it for years in the Spurs trophy cabinet. |
|
By:
When someone says, "you are the last person on my list I would want to hurt", there are two things to consider.
They already have a list, and you are on it. |
|
By:
Sad to hear that the inventor of motorway breaks has died. He will be remembered at a number of services across the country
|
|
By:
Apparently they’re making a remake of the Never Ending Story.
It starts with a Man asking a Woman how her day was. |
|
By:
Keep up the good work bigmo,never fails to make me smile,this thread.
|
|
By:
Yes Bigmo I always look forward to this page, keep up the good work...
|
|
By:
Thanks both.
 Well, that's another day passed and I still haven't used Algebra. |
|
By:
I understand that JK Rowling is working on a new book about Harry Potter...
...I haven't seen anyone milk a small wizard as much since Debbie McGee |
|
By:
There's a brilliant programme on Channel 4 tonight about doggy-style sex. If you miss it, you can watch it on all 4s.
|
|
By:
I'll never forget how furious my father was with me the day he caught me cross dressing.
I had the last laugh though when I got on that lifeboat. |
|
By:
I don't keep grudges, my dad kept grudges
I always hated him for that . |