We want to share an important update with our Betfair Community users.
Over the coming months, the Betfair Community platform will be winding down. The final active day for the platform will be December 21st. From December 22nd, users will no longer be able to access the platform.
Your discussions, insights, engagement, and, most importantly, feedback have helped shape the platform and guided innovation. Your feedback continues to be important to us, and we will continue to listen via our dedicated feedback channels, as well as through product testing and innovations.
To share your feedback and experience, visit: https://support.betfair.com/app/home
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I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn’t get me anywhere.
Did I have a smug look on my face later on in life when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive through. |
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Bought some bird seeds,
How long do those things take to grow ? |
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A girl at the nightclub kissed me and whispered, "I want to do doggy style."
I thought, "Where the f*ck am I going to find a swimming baths that's open." |
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It's been announced that Pfizer are manufacturing Viagra in liquid form and that it's going to be marketed by Jack Daniels.
This means that when you come home from a hard day's work, you can pour yourself a stiff one. |
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Before the internet, people had to walk miles just to call me a ****.
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Just heard a new version of the old Max Bygraves song - it's now called " Two spliffs from Amsterdam".
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I've got the new Viagra that you put in your tea! it does nothing for your sex life but it does stop your biccies going soft,
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you don't 'arf tell porkies foxy
Now I have to go and look at your pm if I can find how to it's been ages |
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My missus got fed up with me constantly going to the pub every night so she went to the fancy dress shop and hired a realistically horrible zombie costume.
As I came in she jumped out and tried to surprise me. I said " You don't f*cking scare me, I married your twin sister" |
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Warren Peace. I went to school with him.
Nice kid. Wrote a lot. |
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Since my wife left, I've bought a motorcycle, drugs and am currently in bed with two prostitutes.
She's going to be p*ssed off when she comes home from work. |
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friend of mine killed by cigarettes he was knock down by a benson and hedges lorry
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Man goes to pub Saturday lunchtime at 12-15 leaving his wife doing the washing and ironing.
After a couple of pints man looks at his watch and says to his mate, "the wife should be on the plane now I reckon". His mate says, "what she's going on holiday without you?". "No, she should have finished the washing and ironing, and will be taking 1/4 inch off the kitchen door now". |
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A friend of mine keeps saying "cheer up mate, it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water!"
I know he means well. --- I've just been down to the Dogs Trust and got a legless rescue dog named cigarette. First thing, every morning, I'm taking him out for a drag. |
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BBC says helicopter raid coverage was in 'public interest'
It was over the top imo. |
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Liverpool have offered Roma £62m plus Loris Karius for Allison.
Roma have now declined the offer as they are holding out for the £62m only. |
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A new search of Cliff Richard's mansion has yielded some upsetting and shocking results.
The **** has recorded a new album. |
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If you see someone crying ask if it’s because of their haircut...
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Well if it isn't enough for muslim's flying planes and crashing cars into people I've just overheard a couple of them plotting to ram a dam.
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A young Novice goes to the Mother Superior and says "After eight months in this Convent, I'm really missing sex"
The Mother Superior asks "Have you tried pleasuring yourself with a candle my child"? The young Novice replies "Yes, but it's too boring, the same old thing, wick in and wick out" |
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Man goes into a library and loudly asks: 'could I please have 2 white coffees and one danish pastry'.
'Sir, THIS is a library'. 'Oh I do apologise.' He then whispers...'could I please have 2 white coffees and one danish pastry.' |
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My wife crashed her car yesterday. She told the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a can at the time. The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own back garden.
I got fired from my banking job the other day, a lady came in asking me to check her balance, so I pushed her over! There's a new sex position called "ParcelForce"'.....You stay in all f*cking day and nobody comes!!!! What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes |
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My girlfriend borrowed £100 from me.
After 3 years, when we separated, she returned exactly £100. I lost Interest in that relationship. |
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I got trapped in a bidding war for a house, because my wife loved the lengthy corridor.
Now I’m in it for the long hall. |
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I always wanted to be a comedian but my disability held me back.
I'm a woman. |
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A dog may well be a man's best friend but a cat will never tell the police where your marijuana is.
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Well I'll be sixty two in the near future and I can honestly say I have as much sex now as I did in my teenage years.
About once every three years. |
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Why do French women have hairy armpits?
To keep them warm when they surrender. |
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I hate when people ask how I see myself in 2 years.
I don’t have 2020 vision |
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1, 2, 3, 4, 5 once I caught a fish alive
6, 7, 8, 9, 10 then I let it go again Oh! Why did you let it go? Because the EU told me to. |
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I remember when my mother in law wrecked my new car, I slapped her so hard across the face...She almost rolled off the coroners table!
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My neighbour Mohammed once told me those who don’t believe in god need to be more open to faith .
He never believed at first until he boarded a packed train with no seats , he closed his eyes and began to pray really loudly for a seat , when he opened his eyes the carriage was empty , he had a choice of seats and even a seat for his backpack! |
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I bought some fake L'Oreal Elvive shampoo from Aldi earlier.
Because I'm not worth it. |
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I rang my insurance company to let them know I was going to a bukkake party.
They assured me I would be covered. |
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Lol HH.
People who can’t stop buying full length mirrors need to take a good long look at themselves. |
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A pensioner has pleaded guilty to hate crime, after he emailed several remoaner MPs, including David Lammy and Anna Soubry and told them that they deserved to be hung for treachery.
That's appalling. Everyone knows it's spelled 'hanged'. |
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FACT:
A single spermatozoon contains the equivalent DNA information equal to 37.5 Megabytes. Therefore the average male ejaculate contains approx 15.8 Terabytes of information. This is the equivalent of 31,600 hours of CD-quality audio and enough music to play continuously for 3.6 years. Given the average ejaculation time of 2.5 seconds, this equates to an upload/download (depending on the point of view) speed of 50.56 terabits per second. |
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I applied for a new job today, a f@nny waxers assistant. The job entails removing ladies knickers, prepare f@nny for waxing, and rubbing in oil afterwards. I contacted the job centre, and they said I'd have to go to Cornwall. 'Why?' I asked..
'Because that's where the back of the queue is'. |
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I hope Jack Daniels start making Viagra. At least then I can genuinely pour myself a stiff one...!!!
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I got sent out of class today at school for being too sarcastic.
The teacher yelled at me, "What would your parents say if I called them?' I replied, "Hello?" |