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Got any jokes?
Got any jokes?
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Replies: 14,654
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No, it doesn't.
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sorry big mo - not a joke - but got this quote about the game of golf.
circa 1800 - Sailor officer, when asked have you played the game? Reply, 'I would rather be whipped around the fleet and marched barefoot back to London'. 'It is a game perfectly contrived to induce the greatest possible frustration and test one's mastery of choler to the utmost. I have seen men of the mildest character dash a play-club to splinters on a tree in a passion that would befit an especially violent lunatic. Never take up this cursed game unless you have the disposition of a saint, the patience of a nun' Does this sound familiar for those who have tried to play this game? I roared with laughter as I read this !!! |
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Bigmo on holidays ?
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and then having to put up with my drivel too!!!!!
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The FAI , Irelands football federation, yesterday announced it will play Northern Ireland in a friendly in August, in order to overcome any colour clashes on political grounds, the home side will play in green and white stripes and the visitors will play in white and green stripes.
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Reminds me of a case when Shay Given saved a shot and rolled the ball out to make a kick only to be robbed by Dion Dublin coming from his blind side to score a goal.Papers lauded it as Shay Given, the only Irishman who didn't know where Dublin was !
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Very good, wheres the Big man ? |
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100 years ago,suffragette Emily Davison died after throwing herself in front of the the King's horse.
History remembers her as being influential in giving women the right to vote. What history doesn't remember is her husband, who didn't get his tea that night. Just walked past our local mosque and there's loads of shoes outside. I'm f.cking sure they've got a bouncy castle in there.... |
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Bouncy castle.... |
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ah but in saudi they can go to soccerball matches now and drive cars shortly - how does that sit with all you knuckle draggers now huh??? eh?? come on tell me!!!
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A friend of mine, recently
decided it was high time he made an effort to get fit and took up boxing. Because of his age, he needed to go for a medical. A few days later the doctor called him and said: “I’m sorry to inform you that you have got sugar diabetes.” My friend was delighted by this and said: “Great, when do I fight him?” |
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I just found out c0ck fighting is done with chickens....
That's 12 months of training completely wasted!! |
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Making the wrong choices!!
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password, for their computer, that they could always remember. The husband decided the password should be, "mypeenis" and entered it into the box. The husband looked on, bemused, as the wife collapsed on the floor laughing and said, “What are you laughing at?” The wife, pointed at the computer screen and roared, “ It says, Error! Not long enough." |
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welcome back bigmo,you have been missed
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seconded
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THIRDED.
 . i dont think you realise the smile s you bring to your many fans. keep up the good work . |
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Fourthed
And hopefully you change your mind about the picture threads too  |
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Welcome back Mo.
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Indeed. Glad to see you back.
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Dont ever do that to us again Bigmo
 All my mates think i'm hilarious but only because i cannibalise your material  |
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Me too  |
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Welcome back Master...
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Yep, best news I've seen today :-)
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Dont let the B*stards grind you down Bigmo. Great you are back. Echo twizzle and Joels sentiments
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Thanks everyone.
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Paddy goes to a florist & says "I'd like to buy some flowers for my girlfriend."
The florist says "Certainly, what is it you're after?" Paddy says "a bl0w job" |
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Norwich city trophy room has been broken into and all the contents have been stolen.
Police are looking for a man with a green and yellow carpet. |
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Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
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Two kids are playing football in a park in Manchester, when one of the kids is suddenly attacked by a huge rottweiler, luckily the other kid finds a plank of wood and shoves it in the dogs collar and twists it and breaks the dogs neck!
A man also in the park witnesses this and says to the kid, "That was amazing! I'm a journalist for the Manchester Evening news, I would like to write an article about what just happened." He starts writing a headline, "United fan saves friend from dog", the kid says, "I'm not a United fan." He starts again, "City fan saves friend from dog." The Kid says, "I'm not a City fan." The journalist asks, "Who do you support then?" The kid answers, "Liverpool." Next day the headlines read "Scouse b@stard murders family pet in cold blood!" |
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Lizzie Yarnold has taken Team GB’s first gold medal of the Winter Olympics, becoming double Olympic champion.
She has immediately thanked David Beckham for his years of expertise, coaching and advice on how to ride a skeleton. |
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ISIS have claimed responsibility for Ed Sheeran.
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My dyslexia is getting ****s.
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*wh0res
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I wonder how many calls 'We buy any car dot com' have had from the Liverpool area today...
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I slept in my wife's knickers last night. They make a smashing hammock.
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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.
The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did, and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did, and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid." The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a p*nis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter replies, "They make one heck of a mess when they defrost, don't they?" |
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Good man Bigmo... |
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Thanks workrider.
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along." |