Chit Chat
There is currently 1 person viewing this thread.
These 14654 comments are related to the topic:
Got any jokes?
Got any jokes?
sort by:
Show
per page
Replies: 14,654
|
By:
a lorry load of cheese has shed its load in wales,
police have said to drive caerphilly! |
|
By:
a ship carrying blue paint has struck a ship carrying red paint,
reports say the crews are marrooned! |
|
By:
how do you keep a spastic in his bedroom?
weld himto the radiator!! |
|
By:
a midget who pretended to be a clairvoyent and stole peoples money has escaped from police custody,
headline in paper,"SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE!!" |
|
By:
aa chap got hit by a box of bisto in asda
he"s gravely ill in hospital!!! |
|
By:
a bloke got hit on the head by a joke book,
he"S in stitches!!! |
|
By:
My wife says, "I'm leaving you because you're always making jokes and mentioning my eating disorder."
I said, "What? You're the one that keeps bringing it up." |
|
By:
my wife said im crap in bed,
i said,"how can you tell in 30 seconds?" |
|
By:
my new cars a ford pubic
its been recycled from old course hairs!! |
|
By:
my wife said to me in bed,
"is this what they mean by speed dating?" |
|
By:
my wifes nickname for me is linford!!
i said,"is it because of my impressive lunchbox?", she said ,"no sex is usually over in under 10 seconds!!" |
|
By:
a motorcyclist knocked on my car window and asked for a light while i was doing 70 mph,
i said,"dont you think this is dangerous?", he said,"not realy ,i only smoke 5 a day" |
|
By:
2 white men went to africa on holiday,on the 1st day 1 of em got serious sun burn and had to go to see the witchdoctor!
the witchdoctor said,"the only cure for for a case this bad is old black magic,you must go and stab our mate to death,chop his body up and rub the gunge all over you! the white chap was in agony so he went back to the apartment,killed his mate and rubbed the mess all over him!! hey presto, he was cured at once!he went back and said,"tell me witchdoctor,what was that cure?" the witchdoctor said,Pall o mine lotion!!"  |
|
By:
at school my favourite lesson was p.e.due to the fact i had the biggest c#ck in the class.i used to walk round naked flicking my towel at the weaker kids and laughing at the ones with little diddlers.
its no wonder i got the sack!!!  |
|
By:
My mate rung me today and asked "what are you doing at the moment?"
I replied "probably failing my driving test" |
|
By:
My mate said, "I like your car."
I said, "It's not very practical now we've got a baby." He said, "How about I buy it off you." I said, "Yeah go on then. Three grand?" He said, "You've got yourself a deal." I said, "Nice one... you're going to make a brilliant dad." |
|
By:
went to a brothel and asked how much it was
"£20 upstairs,£10 downstairs"the madam said! "im flush this week i"ll go upstairs",i said when i got in i said to the pro,"how come its £20 up here and £10 downstairs?" she lay on her back and opened her legs and said,"put your hands in my chuff",i did this and she said,"now clap" i said, "i cant!" she said,"well you can downstairs!!!!" |
|
By:
i felt sorry for my mate who had m/s so i took him out to a night club to cheer him up.
he only won the dancing competition and all he was doing was going to buy a bag of nuts!!! |
|
By:
Paddy goes for a job at a chemical factory, the factory manager asks "Have you worked with chemicals before?" "Yes!" Paddy replies. The manager asks "Can you tell me what nitrate is?" Paddy replies "I"m hoping its going to be time and a half.
|
|
By:
A blond calls 911. she says "quick quick theres a fire." The fireman says "OK how do we get there?' she says ' DUH! the big red truck"
|
|
By:
A single spellin mistake that caused a divorce. A man went 2 Amsterdam & sent a message 2 his wife. Having the most amazing & wonderful time, wish u were her!
|
|
By:
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says "Why the long face?" The horse replies "Because you tell that same f**king joke every time I come in here. |
|
By:
I can't stand those interfering people who bang on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"?
F**king firemen. |
|
By:
A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and sh*ts on the floor. |
|
By:
If men can't multitask how come I can brush my teeth and pee allover the floor and toilet seat at the same time?
|
|
By:
Herpes,
The Greek God of STDs. |
|
By:
"Someone's been eating my porridge!" said Father bear.
Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's. |
|
By:
a bloke goes to doctors with a lump on his forehead
"you have a c#ck growing out of your head"sez the doc "can you operate and take it off?",sez bloke "no,its too dangerous",sez doc "well how big will it grow"?sez bloke "errrrm, well its gonna be a 12 incher!"sez doc "feckin hell,you mean iv got to spend the rest of my life looking at that?"sez the chap doc sez,"well no,when it gets a bit bigger the balls will hang in your eyes!!!!" |
|
By:
a bloke went to a prostitute,she said,"how do you want it rough or smooth?"
"whats the difference?"said the bloke she said,"well if you want it smooth i have to take the scabs off" |
|
By:
a blokes lorry broke down miles away from anywhere.he walked miles in the wind and rain till he came to a beautiful hotel.he walked in and said to the receptionist,"have you got any low terms for lorry drivers?"
she replied,"yes f#ck off you c#nt |
|
By:
A Greek and an Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon" The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum" The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians" The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on. Then the Greek says; "We invented sex!" The Italian replies; "That is true... but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!!" |
|
By:
a golf groupie gets picked up by nick faldo,he takes her back to his hotel,shags her and reaches for his cigarettes when she sez,"tiger woods usually does it to me a second time!!"
faldo rattles her again,reaches for his smokes when she sez,"tiger usually does it to me a third time!!" faldo picks his phone up,the bird sez,"wot u doin? faldo sez,"im ringing tiger up to find out what par is on this hole!!!!" |
|
By:
i dont smoke and i went to see my mate who does,
bastard made me go outside while he had a f@g!! |
|
By:
What do you call a man with no shins???
Tony! |
|
By:
just rang dominos and ordered a thin and crusty supreme..fecking diana ross turned up
|
|
By:
Had a parrot curry about half an hour ago. Think it's starting to repeat on me.
|
|
By:
The speed in which a woman says "Nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the coming storm.
|
|
By:
We should always respect the dead, even if the person was ugly, had sailor tattoos, slurred their speech, lived with a lifelong addiction and relied upon a fix to get through the day...
RIP Popeye. |
|
By:
"What do we want?"
"A cure for dyslexia." "When do we want it?" "Own." |
|
By:
I just put a clip of my wife parking on YouTube, you've got to see it!
She had 20 hits in the first minute alone. |