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Chit Chat
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These 14654 comments are related to the topic:
Got any jokes?
Got any jokes?
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Replies: 14,654
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Apparently towels are the biggest cause of dry skin.
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A Greek playwright walks into a tailors, 'Euripides?' says the tailor,
'Yes' replies the playwright, 'Eumenides?' |
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There are only two things certain in life.
1. Death 2. If you go to sleep in a tank top,when you wake up one of your t1tties will be out. |
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Women are like fine wines.
You can get them cheaper if you go abroad. |
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News: Japanese princess to give up royal status so she can marry a commoner.
I'm pretty sure she'll bring that up every time she has a row with her husband. |
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sat next to a bloke in doctors with a bald head
he had fried egg running down his face mushy peas in one ear chip hanging out of his nose.i said whats up with you he said ime not eating properly[::] |
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20 seconds left on the microwave!
Women: Set the table, pour the wine, tweet, check Facebook Men: Start a NASA rocket launch countdown |
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Last night I bought an alcoholic ginger beer.
He wasn't happy about it. |
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Help
I'm stuck in a lift with Diane and Jeremy . She can't work out the floor number . And he won't push the button ! |
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A fella called anxious says Labour would win
 you couldn't make it up  |
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Just been in hospital having a large mole removed from my p*nis.
Won't be sh@gging one of those again! |
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I was going to tweet a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
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I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS.
THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS. |
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Most Muslims love ham.
Birmingham Rotherham Dagenham |
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Just remember, behind every angry woman..
There's a man with absolutely no f*cking clue about what the hell he's done wrong. |
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many a true word spoken in jest bigmo. We have the builders in, they cut a new door through a wall. When they'd finished I was impressed by how clean they'd left it. She came in and moaned how dusty the TV was  |
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So very true ufcdan.
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Thank f*ck Corbyn didn't win.
Can you imagine the shame of having a Prime Minister who had sh@gged Diane Abbott |
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Oh, Theresa, caught between the devil and the DUP...
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Congratulations to Labour who since the 2010 election have gained 4 seats out of 650, or 0.62%.
If there's one thing that warrants a party it's gaining less than 1% in 7 years, wooo Corbyn! |
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Just been to the gym for the first time in years. I was sweating profusely, the trainer came over and said "You're terribly unfit". I said, "To be fair, it is a long application form".
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The real reason that Diane Abbott kept a low profile
during the last few weeks , pretending to be ill . She had spent all night queuing up at KFC for their latest "Bargain Bucket" offer - 4 for the price of 5 . |
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There's a new razor designed for dyslexics.
It's the best thing since sliced beard. |
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4 for the price of 5
However I don't think she's missed to many buckets  |
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I think my wife sells drugs?
As I was leaving the phone rang. When I answered it the bloke on the other end said "has that dope gone yet?" |
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My p*nis is like a garden hose.
I'm not referring to its length or girth. There just seems to be a permanent ban on me using it. |
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Excellent Bigmo
keep em comming |
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Cheers Mick.
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The only way you'll lose weight from drinking green tea is when you climb up a mountain and pick it yourself.
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I found a hole in my trainer that's just big enough to put my finger through.
One complaint from her, and I'm now banned from the gym. |
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Dear Chit Chat,
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From theNorthwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead. Cordially, David F. Stankus |
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# Woman who goes to man’s apartment for snack, gets titbit.
# Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth. # Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag. |
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I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today...
I left without making a scene. |
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My grandad always said 'the sky's the limit'
Which is probably why he was sacked fron N.A.S.A. |
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# Passionate kiss like spider web – lead to undoing of fly.
# Man with holes in pocket, feels c0cky all day. |
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An Englishman rolls into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman…
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "I'm sorry, no", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" The Englishman explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I AM wearing panties!" The Englishman taps his watch, smiles, looks at the lady and says, smiling calmly... "It's an hour fast." |
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Asked a trainer in the gym, what kind of machine I should use to make myself more attractive to women?
He said, "Try a cash machine" |