Which end?
A teacher pointed a ruler at a student & said to the class, 'at the end of the ruler stands an idiot', the student got punished after he asked 'which end?'!!

And Italy have changed sides.

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

What did the shepherd's wife say to the shepherd?

"YOU HERD"

3 February 1990, Washington


The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree appeared to be the robber's first, due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms. A gun shop.

2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.

3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work.

Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup, and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, covered by several customers who also drew their guns, thereby removing the confused criminal from the gene pool.

No one else was hurt.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was fined for littering.

Is it still too soon for Specsavers to use 9/11 in an advert?

On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. He asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"

"That's easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."

"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not," he inquired.

"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."

When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"

Blair replied, "That easy. The child was me."

"Very good," said! the Queen. "You may go, now."

So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his chief of staff, Karl Rove. He said to him, "I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"

Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for a while?"

"Yes," said Bush. "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."

So Rove went and called a meeting o! f the W hite House Staff, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion, and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer.

So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.

As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of State, Colin Powell, approaching him. So he said, "Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me? Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"

"That's easy," said Powell. "The child was me."

"Oh thank you," said Rove. "You may just have saved me my job!"

So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush, "I think I know the answer to your riddle. The child was Colin Powell!"

"No, you idiot!" shouted Bush. "The child was Tony Blair!"

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

P.S

Someone else mentioned it before, I have pinched many of your jokes and put them on my facebook page. However, many of my pals would not understand the drivel now.

my wife described my sexual performance last night as "woefully inadequate".





so pleased she,s noticed the improvement!

What's the diffference between Arsenal and a rape victim?

At least a rape victim will offer some resistance.

3 games into the football season and I saw an Arsenal season ticket nailed to a tree, I thought, I'm having that.
You can never have enough nails.

Ginger-haired Galwegian trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty
after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail
purposes, maybe more.

^

An Aussie sheep farmer goes home to his wife with a sheep under his arm and say "this is the pig I make
love to when you've got a headache".
She says "You dirty bastard - and I think you'll find that's a sheep".
He says "I was talking to the sheep".

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2.... We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
late
for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of
divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was?Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it........these were the good old days
when humor didn't have to start with a four letter
word. It was just clean and simple fun.?
And he always ended his programs with the words, "God
Bless."

NOTW ?