We want to share an important update with our Betfair Community users.
Over the coming months, the Betfair Community platform will be winding down. The final active day for the platform will be December 21st. From December 22nd, users will no longer be able to access the platform.
Your discussions, insights, engagement, and, most importantly, feedback have helped shape the platform and guided innovation. Your feedback continues to be important to us, and we will continue to listen via our dedicated feedback channels, as well as through product testing and innovations.
To share your feedback and experience, visit: https://support.betfair.com/app/home
Chit Chat
There is currently 1 person viewing this thread.
These 14654 comments are related to the topic:
Got any jokes?
Got any jokes?
sort by:
Show
per page
Replies: 14,654
|
By:
  |
|
By:
Hundreds of teenage Nigerian girls have disappeared.
So what. In the block of council flats where I live, all the teenage girls got pregnant and hundreds of Nigerian men have disappeared. |
|
By:
The doctor told me I was sterile and couldn't have children. Three weeks later my girlfriend was pregnant.
Ha, who's the daddy??!!!! |
|
By:
Wife: You never come out with me and the kids,
there's no 'I' in team. Husband: There's no 'F' in way. |
|
By:
People are hiding money offshore and you've got to really know what you're doing with that. 'Cos I fell out of the boat 6 times.
|
|
By:
I met this girl and she told me she wanted sex really badly. Which is lucky, as that's just the way I do it.
|
|
By:
In a private moment today, David Moyes drank some tea.
Then closed his eyes, smiled and with both hands, lifted the empty cup above his head. |
|
By:
Whenever you argue with your missus, never go to bed angry.
Stay up and keep arguing with the b1tch. |
|
By:
America are sending out a crack unit to find the kidnapped school girls in Nigeria. Britain are sending Stuart Hall ,Rolf Harris, Max Clifford and Dave Lee Travis...
|
|
By:
I visited a medium recently.
She looked at my palm and said "You've been masturbating." "Wow!" I replied, "You're good! What else can you tell me?" She looked at me and said "You'll be doing it for a long time."   |
|
By:
You know why my missus has orgasms?
So even when she's enjoying herself she still f*cking moans. |
|
By:
A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When
it comes back there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the Chinese owner that says, "Use more soap on panties." This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. Finally fed up the Chinese man responded with his own note that said, "Use more paper on áss." |
|
By:
|
|
By:
Marriage is like music; it can be a symphony or a rhapsody. Many a man or woman has trod on what appeared to be the "Stairway To Heaven" only to realise it was in fact the "Highway To Hell".
|
|
By:
A man from Specsavers knocked on my door this morning and said,"50% off today sir.Would you like an eye check?"
"My eyes are just fine,thank you very much." I said with pride. He then looked over at my wife and said,"Are you sure about that sir?" |
|
By:
A team of British experts has flown to Nigeria, to help find the 276 abducted schoolgirls.
Their first job will be to tell the American team where Nigeria is. |
|
By:
After visiting the dentist i was told it was £200 for an extraction"blimey, that's a lot i said"
"Well, said the dentist, i could bring it down to £100 without anesthetic" "I said, its still a bit expensive, could you not do it a bit cheaper"? "Well, if my young apprentice was to do it and it would be WITHOUT anesthetic i could do it for 30 quid". "That sounds a bit more like it", I said "When would you like to have it done"said the dentist "Oh..its not for me", i said, "its for the wife" |
|
By:
No woman is an island - well, unless her name is Isla White.
|
|
By:
I'm a giver in bed.
Well, a carrier, actually. |
|
By:
I wouldn't say it's easy living with erectile dysfunction.
But it's not hard. |
|
By:
An Irish priest, Father Payne, had been out of Ireland on the foreign missions for many years. At last he came back to his home town on holidays. He was walking down the main street when he saw a woman that he had courted before he became a priest.
He approached her and said "Hello Mary." She looked at him with a puzzled expression, obviously not recognizing him. "You don't know me, Mary." "I don't Father. Give me a clue." "Well, my name. You could have it in your belly." "Oh I know you now. It's Father O' Toole!" |
|
By:
If sperm is supposed to have all these anti-wrinkle properties how come my scrotum is so wrinkled I could grate cheese on it?
|
|
By:
Fingered my wife like a b@st@rd last night.
Phoned the police, told them she'd been shoplifting. |
|
By:
things that you hear on a bus...............
|
|
By:
That Rick Astley is a right ignorant ****, he never says goodbye.
|
|
By:
Whenever I'm tired,I always pull over and take a half hour nap,just to be on the safe side.
I think it's also fair to say,I'm not the most popular bus driver in town. |
|
By:
You know you're in a sh1t restaurant when the sign in the bathroom reads, "Employees must wash hands - especially you, Dave".
|
|
By:
I heard that Yoga class was a great place to meet women, so I went every day for three months. Bad news is I didn't meet a girl. Good news is I can now give myself a bl0wjob.
|
|
By:
They say we have to live with our mistakes.
That's not necessarily the case I divorced mine. |
|
By:
If you kill yourself, it's suicide!!!
If you kill someone else it's homicide!!! If you kill loads of people it's genocide!!! If you haven't won a title in 20 years it's Merseyside!!! |
|
By:
bigmo 11 May 14 20:23
They say we have to live with our mistakes. That's not necessarily the case I divorced mine. Too Right and me  bloody still around though |
|
By:
Why do people talk about "masturbating furiously"?
If anything, it cheers me up. |
|
By:
I was down the local shop earlier when I asked for a pack of condoms.
"Would you like a bag with that, sir?" he asked me. "Great idea!" I thought. "Could you poke a few eye holes in it for me as well please?" |
|
By:
Feeling down? Depressed? Suicidal? Need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to talk to?
Well **** off then, no one forced you to support Liverpool. |
|
By:
Bearded 'woman' Conchita's next single is a cover version of the Eurovision classic, "Making Your Mind Up".
|
|
By:
Congratulations to Conchita on winning the Eurovision Song Contest.
The last time an Austrian with amusing facial hair made such a big impression across Europe was in 1939. |
|
By:
BBC News - Women set to be allowed to serve combat roles on the front line .
I think you will find it's spelt " Rolls ". |
|
By:
Fingered my wife like a b@st@rd last night.
Phoned the police, told them she'd been shoplifting. |
|
By:
Porn Hub has pledged to plant a new tree for every hundred videos watched.
The amount of tissue paper I get through, I'm still not sure that's environmentally sustainable. |
|
By:
Subway are to stop offering ham on their sandwiches, because Muslims find it offensive.
I think my local pub is making the same stand. There's never any toilet paper in the f*cking toilets. |