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Got any jokes?
Got any jokes?
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Replies: 14,654
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I've decided to write a book about a transexual with a speech impediment. I'm calling it: Man or Myth?
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let's give a hand to robotics!
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It was tough driving without a rear-view mirror at first, but I haven't looked back!
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when you try to tell someone a joke but you punch up the f*ckline.
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“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”
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“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades”
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“There’s a reason it’s called ‘girls gone wild’ and not ‘women gone wild’. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.”
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A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.'Human beings are the only animals that stutter', she says.
A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. 'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running startand before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard! 'That must've been scary', said the teacher. 'It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... And, before he could say 'fcuk', the Rottweiler ate him!' |
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“I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.”
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“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
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bigmo 01 May 14 06:41
“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades”  |
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stuttering cat
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A few old ones coming along so bear with....
Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said that the England Team performance on Saturday was completely s**t. British intelligence officers have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years. |
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FIFA has released a statement saying the fan didn't break into the dressing room after all, but was let in by Rob Green.
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What's the difference between Rob Green's spill and BP's spill? Robert Green has got a cap for his.
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Fabio Capello told Wayne Rooney to have a long, hard look at himself in the mirror. Like that's going to improve his confidence!?
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South African Police have been plagued with thieving, drug dealing and sex fiends, they say things will improve when John Terry's family f**k
off home! |
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England have sensationally turned down a £70 million deal with a dog food company. Fans said the thought of the team wearing a shirt with WINALOT on the front was taking the p!ss!
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England are to change their shirts. The three lions will be replaced with three tampons to represent the worst period they've ever had!
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The Manchester City Stadium caught fire tonight. The Manager, Manuel Pellegrini, screamed at the
fire fighters "SAVE THE CUPS! SAVE THE CUPS!""Don't worry", replied the Station Chief "The fire hasn't spread to the canteen". |
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I was in the cemetery today, checking on my Grandfather's grave, when I saw four pall-bearers go past with a coffin. A few minutes later, they
came back again. Another few minutes and they came towards me from another direction. I said "They've lost the plot, they have". |
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Statistically 9/11 Americans won't get this.
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I was in the pub last night when I tried to come onto this girl... her boyfriend wasn't best pleased - it hit his leg.
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The wife took delivery of a 42" TV, today.
What she wants with a cross dressing midget I'll never know. |
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85% of Brummies say they enjoy sex in the shower.
The other 15% haven't been to prison yet. |
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Q: What do you call a Scotsman in the World Cup?
A: A Referee. |
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The wife took delivery of a 42" TV, today.
What she wants with a cross dressing midget I'll never know. |
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85% of Brummies say they enjoy sex in the shower.
The other 15% haven't been to prison yet. |
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Q: What do you call a Scotsman in the World Cup?
A: A Referee. |
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What's the difference between Liverpool FC and AirCon?
AirCon has fans which work . |
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I'm not saying my wife is fat, but we had to ask special permission to make her passport photo landscape.
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In Religious Education class in Glasgow:-
Wee Mary asks the teacher "Do angels fly?" Wee Jimmy shouts out "Do they F*ck!" "One question at a time", says the teacher. |
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Q. What does a Leicester girl use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter. |
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"You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks." – Stewart Francis
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"Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly." – Tim Vine
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"I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister." – Will Marsh
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guy walks into a supermarket and picks up his usual shopping
he goes to the checkout with a smalll loaf of bread, half pint of milk, tin of beans and a packet of crisps checkout assistant says 'i take it you live by yourself do ye?' guy says 'aye how did you guess?' checkout assistant says 'cos your fcukin ugly' |
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"You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case." – Rob Beckett
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