Wel done Rod! Amazing true fact: Bernie Clifton lived next door to my Grandma when he was a kid.

Orinoco Flo, sometimes miss-typed Flow, was a Venezuelan propaganda broadcaster on Radio Happy Caracas during the coups of the 1980s. Originally broadcast once a week from a government controlled pretend free radio station somewhere on the outskirts of the capital, so frequent were the coup attempts that Flo found herself broadcasting 7 days a week inciting reprisals against those attempting to overthrow the corrupt and brutal government of President Carlos Andres Jose Perez Hugo Chavez Jimenez. Her popularity grew as she urged rebels to surrender or die, in between playing Wham and Queen songs. A snippet of her broadcast was once picked up by the BBC World Service and is translated below:

Hello, rebels boys. Rebels boys you no see home again. How many you dead already, rebel boys? Give up to the loving arms of El Presidente, he take special care of you, no torture, no no. That bad evil lie, we dont have meat grinder, no rebel boys, but we kill you all and grind you to dust and your mothers fathers sisters and brothers, rebel boys if you dont surrender to loving arms of our beloved presidente. And now heres Kajagoogoo with Too Shy, bass player is my pretty pretty boy I love so

Eventually the coup succeeded and the president was replaced by another, also in the uniform of cinema commissioner.

Next: Saville Theatre


(Cheers colly, appreciate the words, the entries of yourself, Rod, MofMM, TT and loads of others show that Im just trying to keep up with the rest of you, but thanks anyway!)

Saville Theatre; theatrical craze of the early 90's in which protagonists of plays from the West End to the local working men's clubs of village england, would don any old sh*t tracksuit they could find, whilst chewing on a Cuban cigar.
Memorable moments included the Hazel Grove Con Club 1991 production of Hamlet, in which the Jimmy Savile character (seamlessly written into Shakepeare's masterpiece) went on to answer little Hamlet's letter :- "To be, or not to be,

The Tolpuddle Martyrs, was the affectionate name given to the Tolpuddle Tomatoes, (pronounced 'Termarters' in Dorset where they were based.)
These were a group of six men who wandered around Dorset, giving amusing tomato based street entertainment to the locals at a cost of one shilling per performance. The local councils took a dim view of the amounts of ketchup and tomato pips being left on the streets, having to be cleaned up and banned them. So the 'Termarters' formed a union and demanded their rights. They were immediately arrested shipped to Australia where they were staked out in the blazing heat until they were sun dried.

Next: Wheeltappers and Shunters

Next: Harvest Moon

If you come a little bit closer, and hear what I have to say, you will discover that Harvest Moon was the title character in the 1980s TV show, Shine On, Harvest Moon.

It starred American singer-songwriter Neil Young from the Young Ones (he had played hippy, Neil Young) as a returning**ney soldier (Private Harvest Moon), mistakenly believed to have been killed in the Second World War.

The series was not a great success, scripted as a comedy, Neil Young insisted on writing his own jokes as he thought they were funnier than the writers efforts. The rather morose Young included material from his own songs and previous TV characters. This example gives an illustration:


Harvests Wife:

Marathon marvel Paula Radcliffe is confident that she will win the 26.2 mile dash in Beijing, despite having a broken leg which will be encased in plaster from thigh to ankle for the event.
Commentator, ex triple jumping, ex God fearing, current pain in the 'arris Jonathan Edwards, asked Paula what her post race plans are.
'Well my doctor has told me after the gold rush to the hospital where we'll replace your shattered leg with a Pistorial like prosthesis and you'll br good for London'

Next: Smog

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum today as I stumbled across an e-mail by Collywobble. He'll be on holiday until the 9th of August so won't be able to supply his usual excellent contributions till after that date.

Next: Absentee

.

On the eve of the USAs first manned mission to land on the moon (allegedly) in 1969, an LP of songs all with the word Moon in the title was released by the crew of Apollo 11.

The eponymous Aldrin, Collins and Armstrong album, featuring the National Aeronautics and Space Administration Male Voice Choir, contained such classics as Moon River, Blue Moon of Kentucky and Mr Moonlight. It was expected to raise millions of dollars for charity, but unfortunately hardly anyone bought it because the trio were lousy singers. The only single to be released - Fly Me To The Moon - never even threatened the Billboard Hot 100.

Several original tracks - Moondance, Moonshadow, The Whole Of The Moon and Walking On The Moon - were subsequently covered by other artists.

Next: De Doo Doo Doo De Da Da Da

It was only the fact that copyright lasts for 50 years that saved Sting and co. from massive damages in the case of The Estate of Samuel Morse Vs The Police(1982). Morses family claimed that the Polices hit, De Doo Doo Doo De Da Da Da, copied Morses own hit of 1853, Da Da Da Dit Dit Dit Da Da Da. ABBA had already covered this song themselves, but changed the words to SOS because the girls had trouble singing all those Dits and Das in tune. The loss of this case opened the floodgates for the pillaging of Morses back catalogue. First up was German band Trio, who took Morses Da Da Da to the top of the charts in the 80s. Soon, everyone was stealing electronic geniuses of the 1800s hits, Blondie were most successful when they pinched Alexander Graham Bells Hanging on the Telephone in 1982.

Next: "Mr. Watson, come here. I want you."


(wb colly, hope you had a good one!)

One of Sherlock Holmes' party tricks,resulted in him starting a lifelong partnership. He bet a friend he could call out a name at random and someone would answer him. So he took his friend down to Marylebone Station and shouted in his loudest voice to the throng waiting for a train: 'Mr Watson, come here I want you.'
An elderly chap toddled over saying 'The names Watson, but I'm a medic.'
'Ah Dr Watson, I presume' said Holmes, pocketing his winnings.

Next: The Sign Of Four.

The number 7 is regarded by many to hold some very special properties. It almost has a cult following. For some extraordinary reason, the humble number 4 has largely been overlooked by most, if not all societies. But its everywhere in our daily lives:

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Four Corners of the Earth, Four Seasons, Four Winds, Four Gospels, Four Noble Truths, Gang of Four, Four Tops, The Fab Four, Channel 4, Connect 4, and of course, Heathrow Airport Terminal 4 - to name but a few.

Little wonder then that the four Guardians of the English Language (GOFTEL), who meet on the fourth day of the fourth month every four years in a four-poster bed at the Four Feathers Hotel in Forfar, have their own special sign for this magical number.

The sign is made by holding up four fingers (two from each hand in the shape of a V) and touching them together to form the letter W. Whenever one of the Four Guardians sees a spelling or grammatical mistake on an internet fourum, he/she makes The Sign Of Four Fingers at the computer screen whilst swearing vehemently at the perpetrator. This is usually accompanied by a sarcastic post belittling the offender and calling into question the standard of their education, if any. The subsequent reply invariably includes the word

In a recent survey by Demographics of the Rich and Famous magazine, it was discovered that there are almost no known people called Kevin who are famous in the Somerset town of Ilchester. However, in the same study it was found that in Dover, Cliff Bennett (of Rebel Trousers fame), TV presenter Cliff Mitchelmore, ex Arsenal footballer Cliff Bastin, potter Claris Cliff, Cliff Richard and Jamaican reggae star Jimmy Cliff all live within two streets of each other.

On reading this in the magazine, a few of the typically reclusive stars had not realised other famous Cliffs lived so close, and decided to form a club called the White Cliffs of Dover. Jimmy Cliffs exclusion on grounds of colour is still an almighty stain on the clubs good name and character, and has only recently been reversed when it was pointed out that Sir Cliff was, technically speaking, not really white either, but a kind of wrinkly orange. All six now meet happily every third Wednesday of the month to discuss stuff and get drunk.

Next: The Channel Tunnel.

Colour-Sergeant**of the 17th Eaton Rifles was captured at Gallipoli, and freed by the Turks after World War 1. He spent three years in an Anatolian prison camp, sharing a cell with a captured Kurdish officer. The two men formed a rapport, and would share stories and legends from their respective cultures.

One memorable legend that stayed with**was the legend of Miss Big** the Kurdish Beast Woman of Mosul. The legend claimed she was an enormous giant, a huge fat woman who would sit down on a tuffet (a grass-less rock) with a bowl and spoon. In the bowl was the ground up blood and bones of Kurdish men whod refused her advances. Shed grind them up and shout

After a disturbing night of ghostly goings on, Ebeneezer Scrooge awoke a changed man. He opened his bedroom window to a bright Christmas morning with deep snow on the ground.
Just then he saw a boy on the street below.
'Hey you, boy' shouted Ebeneezer.
Aren't you Alastair Sim?' replied the boy.
'Never mind that my lad' replied Ebeneezer. Is that turkey still for sale in the butchers shop window? The big one?
'Yep' replied the urchin
'What a clever boy, a fine lad' murmered Ebeneezer to himself.
'Well here's half a crown, go and buy it and if you're back in five minutes I'll give you a shilling' said Ebenneezer brighly
'What you on about replied the boy, its £27.99. What do you think this is 1897?'

Next: Time Travel

Several members of the poker forum invented a time machine so that they could travel back in time a couple of years to tell their younger selves not to lend any money to smokeysi.

Unfortunately they travelled back in time 30 years so instead they found smokeysi's dad to be and warned him what a welching sponger his future son would be. In despair he mutilated his own genitals with a rusty hack saw and when the forumites travelled back to the present they found themselves to be £12 richer each.

Next Begging.

sharks only attack you if you are wet!

Society tongues are wagging today after John Worthing and Algernon Moncrieff had to be forcibly removed last night from a charity dinner raising funds for homeless handbags. They were both ejected from the Bunbury Hotel after Lady Bracknells cleavage was used as the target in a pea-flicking contest. Their ungentlemanly conduct was blamed on the cheap Hungarian Riesling served with the main course, of which both had overimbibed. Dessert was delayed by some fifteen minutes due to the disturbance.

Final scores: Worthing 6 - Moncrieff 4

Next: The Importance of Being Ernest