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excellent Mr Boggle
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Doolally Tap is the latest dance craze featured in Bollywood movies. Ginger Roganjosh is the most popular female performer featured in them.
Next: Fred Upstairs |
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Nice one Tommy, and I have to say an absolute all time great from Boggle!
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Indeed, Sparky.
By the way, when I rescued this from Fred 77 - 41 new windows opened up! I was trying to X out of them as fast as I could - but they were multiplying like streptacoccus baccili! There was only one thing for it - pull the plug! |
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lol, oh dear Tommy!
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ttt
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Fred Astaire's real name is Frederick Austerlitz. His father, Adolf emigrated to the USA, with his family from Upper Volta and having only a tenuous grasp on the English language decided to change his name to the first English word he saw on arrival at Ellis Island. On disembarking he was faced with two flights of steps, one up and one down.
Signed 'Upstairs' and 'Downstairs' Adolphous, asked young Fred which to choose. Fred went for Upstairs. Next: Escalators |
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cheers for previous comments lads, just hoping to keep up with high standards already set in this thread.
Escalators date back only as far as the Cold War. These were electronic devices built into the USAs defence system designed to goad an enemy into all out nuclear war. It was thought at the time that a nuclear stalemate between the Soviets and United States would never rid the world of the communist menace. The US military therefore coded secret insults into their negotiations with the Russians, hoping to provoke them into striking the first blow, so gaining the moral high ground. It worked thus: There would be an alert of some kind, the US would go to DefCom 3, and the defence computer would trigger an insulting note to its Russian counterpart, such as: Krushchev, you spud-faced lard arse or Lip up, fatty, hoping to escalate the situation into all out nuclear war. The plan never worked though, as these escalators failed to take into account the dry realism of their Soviet counterparts: Yes, comrade brother Nikita does have a lard arse. So, unfortunately, peace prevailed. Next: The Soviet Union. |
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In response to calls from it's members to modernise it's name in this PC era, the Ratcatcher's Union will now be known as:
The Society Of Vermin Iatrogenic Extermination Tradesmens Union Next: Vic Feather |
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ttt
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Vic Feather was once immortalised in The Perishers cartoon strip:
- hey mum, would you buy me a baby alligator? - Certainly not, Baby Grumpling. - well, how about one of those chopper bikes? - Don't be silly, Baby Grumpling. - would you consider a box of black magic? - No, Baby Grumpling. - could i have an ice lolly? - Well, all right... I'll tell Maisie to get you one when she goes up the High Street. - when it comes to negociatin', that vic feather's got nothin' on me. Next: The greatest honour known to man |
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In a recent poll in the magazine Chat, the greatest honour known to man was being given the last Rolo, narrowly defeating being knighted by the Queen in the opinion of its erudite readers. As a result, court officials have now decided that from next year Her Majesty will no longer use a ceremonial sword to bestow her favours upon her subjects..instead she will be encouraged to give away her leftovers as a token of her appreciation
next: Bubble n'squeak |
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Great work Tommy, you should be given the freedom of Stoke.
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Bubble n squeak
Ingredients tablespoon of olive oil squirt of fairy liquid three blind mice. Method heat the oil until smoking hot add the fairy liquid lightly toss in the mice. the ensuing bubbling and squeaking will provide a fine show. Next: The Farmers Wife. |
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'Great work Tommy, you should be given the freedom of Stoke.'
Jesus Colly, it wasn't that bad. |
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LOL
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Excellent!
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The Farmers Wife is a medical term for a particular operation, used in consultations by doctors with nervous patients. Unsuspecting people with haemmorrhoids trundle off to hospital expecting to be soothed by a rustic woman with poultices of home-made bread and jam, only to find out they're in for a meeting with 'Mack'.
Next: Double-talk |
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Double-talk: In psychiatry, the term used by practitioners to describe the arguments schizophrenics use to try to talk themselves out of being charged double for treatment (one charge per personality). Such things as Hes gotta pay, because I didnt want to come anyway, he made me or I only came in out of the rain, I didnt know he was here. All in vain, of course.
Next: trick cyclists. |
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Tommy Cooper got the idea for his famous c oc k up glass/bottle, bottle/glass routine, when he had tried and failed to do the same thing with a unicycle and a zebra.
Next: David Nixon |
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David Nixon was the third cousin twice removed of Richard Nixon. It is an unconfirmed rumour he was responsible for hosting Magic Circle parties in the Oval office when the President was supposed to be in tough negotiations with Brezhnev by 'phone. However, it has come to light that secret minutes held by the soviets at the time reported that Leonid often looked surprised when he pulled a rabbit out of his ear instead of the cotton wool he'd bunged down them to block out Nixon's gobbledygook.
Next: "I am not a crook" |
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'I am not a crook' is the phrase everyone in Italian politics knows never to say. However monastically perfect a candidate might appear they know that the voting populus will not believe them...it is far better to admit to a penchant for criminal activities. This goes back to the days of Ancient Rome when Julius Caesar announced to the senate 'Veni Vidi Vici' - a literal translation of which is I came I saw I jumped on my moped and I stole your bag - thus earning him instant street cred amongst the plebs
next: When In Rome... |
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[Excellent, Rod]
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When in Rome do as the Romans do, is a slightly awkward translation of a traffic instruction from the AD67 edition of the Hivicium Codas, the book for chariot drivers.
The full text (Rule 5a) instructs that charioteers should get in the left-hand lane when going around the Coliseum as the Romans do, meaning the locals know where they are doing, so just follow them. Charioteers would have to pay a fine of V11 denari if caught in the wrong lane, a fine that would rise by X sestersti should they also be unfortunate enough to be caught on parchment going too fast by one of the many speed artists at the side of the road. Next: The Highway Code. |
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Tommy, Rod and boggle...brilliant efforts lads, well done.
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This thread wil be two years old in 11 days time!
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3, Sparky!
It started just before I joined the forum - which is three years at the end of this month. |
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Really - oh christ!!!
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I know! Where's the time gone? I remember my first addition to the thread was about Ford Anglias being pronounced 'Angulars' round here. I didn't know at the time you were from Stoke but you 'Oi'd me straight away!
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The Highway Code was the working title for Dan Brown's recent bestseller.
Harper Collins forced the author to rewite the title, and the plot, when they questioned the mass popularity of a story featuring Robert Langdon's three hundred mile jouney along the M4 only to find the lost city of Swansea. Next subject: Dragons |
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ttt
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writers block :(
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me too Rod, cant think of anything remotely amusing with this one (before you say it... I know I never can!)
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me too Rod, cant think of anything remotely amusing with this one (before you say it... I know I never can!)
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OK here goes...pathetic atteempt
St George was alleged to have killed a dragon, and this led to his saintedness. However it has been discovered that the term 'Dragon' has been attached to the mother-in-law for longer than you might think. Next: Nagging |
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Nagging was the capital of China between 1354 and 1511, during which Emporer Chau was a bit difficult.
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whayt's next, before you pass out sparky?
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Oi! Sparky!
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