"High Speed Ferries"

During recent years, the Danish authorities have received a number of complaints about inconveniences from high-speed ferries. These complaints have included questions about noise, energy consumption, waves, speed, and water jets and their influence on the surrounding environment, as the protection of nature including animal and plant life, sailing and bathing safety, erosion of the coastline and the safety of dikes

Conclusionl : Lesbians are overly mollycoddled in Denmark imo


Next : "Would you name your daughter Molly?"

Coffee Table was the name chosen by Ms Take to give to her child before she married Mr Annan. He then made a small compromise by allowing her to pick Koffi as the boy's Christian name.

Next: Secretary Generals...

"Pointing"....

The "Mona Lisa "...(artist : B J Devlin..circa 1870)....is a very famous pointing...and can be currently viewed in Dublin's Centre Of CUltural Excellence.

Next "Accents"

In a recent report compiled by Interpol, the study was found to be the most common room in the house where murders were committed more often than not with lead piping. As a result it is general police advice now for buliders to omit studies from their buliding plans and replace them with an extra bathroom.

next: scarlet women

There are only 2 'Sunshine states' in the whole of the world. Everyone knows 1 - Texas in the U S of A - but few know that the other is Old South Wales in Australia. In fact, few people actually realise Old South Wales exists, as it is at the bottom of the Ausralian Ocean, just next to another state 'Kingsland'. It's not very sunny any more.

Next: The man from Atlantis

Amazingly, there is a blind and deaf surgeon in Denver, Colorado who has been performing heart surgery for 4 and a half years. His patient's survival rate is 0% though.

Next: 0%

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Apprentice ships are of varying sizes and are manned solely by failed jockeys who have failed to ride more than 10 winners. Often mistaken by passing cruise liners for ships full of children they lull their rich inhabitants into a false sense of security before embarking on wanton sprees of rape and pillage. They are a modern version of Pirates of the Caribbean

next:
Captain Pugwash

The Saga of Noggin the Nog is supposedly the next major project of wacky film director Tim Burton. Early gossip suggests that quite unsurprisingly Johnny Depp is already earmarked for the plum role of Noggin and has been watching The Vikings every day in the last month to base his character on Tony Curtis's excellent portrayal of a Norse warrior. The role of Nogbad is being fiercely contested with Alan Rickman and Ray Liotta being early favourites for the villains role although Burton is believed to be favouring reanimating the corpse of Basil Rathbone to fill the part

next: sauna etiquette

it was never necessary to look into Ulrika's eyes to forecast weather because it was obvious that she would...

next: forecasting weather

Rem n Ants are a new super group comprised of members of REM and The Ants who have been at a bit of a loose end since Adam went of the rails.

Next: Big Brother

In Channel 4's 'Top 100 things the upper classes like to do when they're bored', hosted by Jimmy Carr, 'roger the butler' came in at 62. D ick the Scullery Maid was 19th.

was no 46!

christ knows what emiling is - probably a typical upper class pursuit

Next: Show Jumping

sparky - emiling sounds a bit more dubious than that :)

Horsey, types !! Was a long forgotten headline from the Sun newspaper, some years ago. They began as they were to continue, by getting all the relevant facts incorrect. The horse in the news was the famous Mr Ed, not 'Horsey', and he could not type at all. Well, not unless he'd had his hooves pedicured.

Next: Talking horses.

Cycle Killer was the song written by David Byrne following a very nasty encounter with a cyclist when he had been strolling through the countryside one day in an oblivious manner. The incident so upset him, that, as his wrath grew, the song became entitled; Psycho Killer.

Next: We're on the road to nowhere

'We're on the Road to Nowhere!'
'You've got to FIGHT For Your RIGHT Wing PARTY'
'Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh they're all coming to get us! There's one! Run!!!'

Were all slogans considered by the Conservative Party before the last General Election. Nothing they could come up with in the end could counter Labour's 'Yeah I know, but look at your other choices'

Next: The Big Conversation

Fast Food Restaurants are ideal for people like Vanessa Feltz and Oprah Winfrey who spend half the time fast-ing and the other half shouting FOOD!

Next: Fuzzy Felts

"Was Tommy Cooper...."The Greatest"

One may well consider that Mr T Cooper was a very good comedian....but for a true Champion one has to go back many years.....back to 1432 in fact....That was the time when Thomas The Cooper showed the Medieval World his prowess by producing 100 perfectly formed barrels before an invited audience of the most noteworthy elite of the time.....he trounced the opposition soundly...the actual record of the event reads :

Thomas The Cooper (England) 100 barrels flawlessly produced in 3 hours.
Louis The Cooper (France) 52 barrels...(18 discounted due to imperfections) in 4 hours.
David The Cooper (Wales) 47 barrels produced in 4 hours.
Shamus The Cooper (Ireland) 35 barrels produced in 4 hours.

As you can see...Thomas was indeed a Champion...he continued his reign until he sadly passed away in 1465 from chronic dysentry.

Next "Chronic Illnesses"

Obsession is the new perfume created by Thegroutch, a recently departed forumite whose obsessive desire to acquire more points, players, and postings than anyone else became most ridiculous. He has now marketed his new fragrance in the hope that he will soon be able to count the pennies, pounds and punts.

Next: Compulsive behaviour