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The Lookalike Agency has lots of people on its books.
Here's my barrister doing his stint as Meatloaf in L.A. http://www.m90.org/view_image.php?image_id=379 Next : butt cracks |
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Campo, There is nothing better than a laugh, especially early in the day to start it in the right spirit.
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"Butt Cracks" will never surpass a properly situated cleavage.......
Next "The Ashes" |
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Originally known as The Hashes, the first cricket test match was between The New York Knickerbocker Club and the MCC, way before Australia was invented.
The first test was played in Central Park, New York and the**y Yanks put up a breakfast of hash brownies to be consumed by the winners at the expense of the losers. The game was an embarrassment , England cruising to victory by an innings and ten wickets and 412 runs. One Yankee player couldn't take it and administered poison to the hash brownies, killing all but the MCC kitman.Showing typical English stoicism, he arranged for the team to be cremated in New York and the remains were bought home in a small urn, which is now known as The Ashes. Whenever Australia win The Ashes, they remain in this country because The Australian Food and Drug Board do not allow the importation of foreign foodstuffs, cooked or uncooked. |
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Brilliant Lud.
Your 'next' please. |
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*I should have added that the MCC kitman did not join the team for breakfast as it was served in a "whites only" restaurant. The kitman was in fact white, but had curly black hair and hence his nickname "Woggy" to the players led the mean Yanks to exclude him, taking the comment literally. In those days everybody at public school with black curly hair was called "Woggy" or "Chalky".
Next: Nicknames |
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nick names
i was working with a collegue called Peter BIrd and i nick named him Thrushy he kept saying its doesnt bother me i have been called all sorts around his surname robin blackbird etc.Eventually i told him how i came up with Thrushy because he was an iritate in c**t Next body parts |
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While someone is asleep, carefully put Vaseline between his/her toes. What you will obeserve is the person's toes starting to wiggle. This apparent mechanism is that when your toes start slipping against each other, your mind insists on making them slip and slide more and more. The upshot of this is that the part of the mind that's supposed to be getting rest is busy moving toes. The victim wakes up having had no sleep at all.
Next up: pirates |
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Pirates is a more aggressive form of the exercises performed as a part of Pilates. There is quite a lot of shouting, particularly 'arhars', and blood is sometimes spilt as part of the general fun...
next: Spilt Blood |
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"Split Blood" is commonly known as period blood....
Next "Misinterpretation" |
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Whilst having my breakfast in the garden this morning I noticed a column of ants marching vigorously up and down the trunk of the oak tree. A quick calculation of relative sizes led me to conclude that this is the equivalent of you or I marching up and down Everest. Now I know that some of you are robust types but would you really want to march up and down Everest every day before breakfast?
Sorry I completely misinterpreted the next topic from the previous post. Next > The logic of climbing mountains. |
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Hot air rises, and the heat an object receives from a radiating body, such as the sun, is related to the distance from the source by an inverse square law. Therefore logically, the tops of mountains are actually significantly hotter than the Earth's surface. An international conspiracy by geographers and mountaineers (who have extensive summer palaces at the top of Mount Everest) works to stop this knowledge from coming into the public domain.
Next: Holland (the coldest country on earth) |
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Holland was once saved by someone sticking their thumb in a dyke, and practises such as this remain vital to the nation's economy even today. Holland has undergone a number of name changes during its history, being the Batavian Republic, the Spanish Netherlands and Norma Jean Baker at various times. Sensibly the people refer to themselves as Dutch to avoid confusion.
Next: thumbs |
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The boy's name Thomas is derived from the Middle English word `Thumlasse', meaning `he who has no thumbs'.
Next: Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli |
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In the pilot the character was named Arthur Swonzerelli, but viewer polls found that 'Swonzy' was not considered a cool name except by the Welsh. Due to the channel's concerns about being seen to endorse hoodlums, it was originally stated that Fonzy could only wear his leather jacket when on his bike, near his bike, or being taken from behind by Al.
Next: Milwaukee. |
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Hillariously the work Millwaukee derives from the native Arapaho indian language and actually translates into english as 'Suck it white man', curiously it translates into french as 'Hello handsome'
Next: French lessons |
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French lessons are given to very young children soon after entering primary school. The first common greeting usually taught is ; 'Bonjeur Monsieur'. However, in these parts, the children were heard to repeat said greeting as : "Bonnjuwer Missuwer"
Next......Native dialects..... |
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Native Dialects live on the planet Skaro, and are all terribull at speeling.
Next : Spelling Bees |
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The famous spelling bees of Patagonia are able to warn tourists not to go near their hives and honey by joining together to make words in the sky.
One amazed onlooker Juan Kerr told the local newspaper 'eet was amazeeng, we got near the bees and they swarmed at us and then wrote in the sky 'everybody peeps feck off'. A spokesbee was unavailable for comment last night because it was a bit cold and they'd all gone to bed. Next: Simple Minds |
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Anyone having any doubt that Patsy Kensit was and is attracted by Simple Minds need only to watch a few episodes of Emmerdale to find conclusive proof
next: Fairy liquid |
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Mark almond once had to have his stomach pumped, and 8 pints of of 'fairy liquid' was found inside.
Next: almonds |
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Almonds are a very tasty ingredient when used for additional flavouring to cakes. Care must be taken to only use the sweet variety, however, as the bitter ones contain 3% - 5% amygladin which is not to be ingested at all. Otherwise, the consequences can prove fatal.
Next : Poison... |
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Poison became very fashionable in the early 20th century when many Brits decided to copy the example of Agatha Christie and do away with secret relatives. The trend became exposed by a few stupid but well heeled travellers who thought it best to buy their illicit goods across the channel but got confused between poison and poisson resulting in several attempts to commit murder by adding fish to hot milky bedtime drinks
next: Belgian detectives |
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Belgium law states that all children under the age of five must take a national detective test. Any child that obtains a score of 75% or more must change their name to Hercule and are removed from their families and placed on a fasttrack programe in the Belgian police. Most make Chief Detectives by the age of 8.
Next: Ginger haired women |
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blimey surely someone can come up with an amazing fact about ginger haired women???
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ginger haired women go like the clappers
not amazing, but true next: The Old Grey Whistle Test |
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Old Grey Whistle Test presenter `Whispering' Bob Harris, did in fact have a very loud booming voice. His trademark whisper was created by simply fading down the volume on his microphone.
Next: Road rage |
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the first recorded instance of road rage dates back to 146 BC on the island of roads (now spelt the anglo saxon way "rhodes") when Julius **o cut infront of the local major who was out riding his donkey one day. Incidentially the term "you crazy bast*rd" also originated at the same time
Next - donkey |
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"Donkey"....a donkey is unlikely to be ever considered to be able to run as fast as a thoroughbred racehorse...nevertheless racing history shows that many many many of the donkey ilk have indeed raced in such Classics as The 2000 and 1000 Guineas, The Derby and the other 3yo Classic Champion(ess) races.
Next "Overfacing" |
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TR14 top
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The TR14 Top was invented by Russian scientisst as a propoganda response to the American built RK97 Etchasketch. Using unique spinermol fibre technology they were able to create a top that spun with such speed and rigidity that anyone approaching within 5 cm would be sent back in time 11 minutes. They also painted elephants on it.
Next: Matchbox car No. 1597 "Gruesome Twosome" |
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quality sparks
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It was that or look up overfacing.
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Quality Sparks was the the electrician in the Barry Bucknell " Do-it-yourself "and " Bucknell's House " series in the Fifties/Sixties.
Next: Showing your age. |
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Showing your age is a legal requirement in Latvia - the persons age must be clearly displayed on the elasticated band of their pants or knickers which then must be pulled up high enough for all outer garments (including coats) to be tucked into. It is also illegal to run for buses in Latvia but then no one can anyway.
Next: Bill Oddie |
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Bill Oddie originally found fame in the early 70's as part of the T.V. comedy trio 'The Goodies' alongside Graeme Garden and Tim Brooke-Shields. At the height of their fame they also enjoyed a number one in the Hit-Parade with their evocative classic 'Funky Moped'.
Now retired from the cut and thrust of Showbiz, Mr Oddie spends his days growing beards on his small-holding in Dorset. Next: Next |
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'Next' is the next more popular 'next' topic, after Belgians.
Next: Generation |
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Star Trek : The Next Generation was an extremely successful spin off from the cult sixties sci fi series. It was concluded after approximately 100 episodes after programme makers realised that they had exhausted their ideas of how to add different nobbly bits to actors foreheads to create new alien species. Many of its stars were relieved it was over claiming they had been beset by klingon related problems throughout the shows history.
next: William Shatner |
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William Shatner is currently advertising All Bran...so life is a bit of a bummer for him....
next: High Speed Ferries...... |