On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred. ..
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman endlessly complains about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfillment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her arse look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and setup a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'

So he tied her up and went to the races.

One day, during a holdup at a bank, a young woman, pregnant with triplets was shot 3 times by the bandit.  She was taken to a hospital, found to be in good condition.  Since there was no threat to her life or to the fetuses, she was allowed to continue her pregnancy.  The bullets were left in place.  All went well and the woman delivered her triplets without a problem. The woman was worried about the bullets but the doctor said that over time metabolism would simply cause it to pass through their systems although it could take years.

Fifteen years later, one of the woman's daughters comes running to her mother quite upset, "I just had a scary thing happen. I peed and a bullet came out."  Her mother replied "I thought this day may happen" and proceeded to tell her about the bank robbery.

Two weeks later, a second daughter came running to her mother and said "mom something horrible just happened. I peed and a bullet came out in the toilet." Again the mother sat down with the girl and proceeded to tell her about the bank robbery.

Several weeks later, the son came to the mother extremely upset.  "Something horrible just happened," he said.  "Let me guess," replied the mother.  "You peed and a bullet came out.". "No," the son answered, "I was upstairs masturbating and I shot the dog."

Had no response before, so ill ask again.

Where the bloody hell is Roy?

A man received the following text from his neighbour:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to

confess. I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not

around. In fact, more than you. I do not get it at home, but that's

no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will

accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't, ever happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed

his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Bloody autospell! I meant "wifi, not "wife" . . . . ..

Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.

"I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the gounds you told me that Minnie is mentally insane," said the judge.

Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's f*cking Goofy!"

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said, "OK, I give up. Where's the damn ship?

yes me also secong

harter doing a great job filling in the blanks for sure

but Roy is a bloke of pattern and no posts now for around 6 weeks ... on either of his nurtured babies ... the Joke thread or the BF Music Society thread ... where not a day went by without a post ...

a top bloke Roy and wishing him the best and a return to the forum soon

Does anybody know Roy personally? Maybe you can contact his family/friends and find out what they know.
In the meantime here's another joke.

A priest and a rabbi are seated on a plane together when their meals are delivered - a ham sandwich for the priest and a salad for the rabbi.
The priest turns to the rabbi and says "I have to ask you a question. I know that Jews aren't supposed to eat pork but have you ever tried it?"
The rabbi says "as a matter of fact I have. I'm not proud of it but when I was growing up my family wasn't very observant and one day I did have some pork at a restaurant."

"I see," the priest says in a condescending tone.

The rabbi then says to the priest "I know in your work you have to take a vow of celibacy. Have you ever had sex?"
The priest responds "As a matter of fact I have. In my younger days, long before I envisioned becoming a priest I was a bit of a risk taker and I must confess that I did experience the pleasure of a woman's flesh."

Without missing a beat the rabbi says "better than pork huh?"

i seen santa at woodgrove shopping centre, i believe roys stomping ground, might pull santa's wiskers and ask him if he is roy?...i do recall he had a huge xmas display last year.

this is Roy's channel page

nothing uploaded for 2 years 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClpNoNchHgE-te5VHkiSbrg

Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish
captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.

It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between
the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.


Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the
auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters,

'I don't like Chinese..'

'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'

'You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!'

'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah!
That Japanese, not Chinese.'

'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese.....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

There's a few minutes of silence.
'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.

'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.

'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.

'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain,
'It was an iceberg!'

Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , .....all same.

A rich Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink, when he sees a
guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl/tzitzis and traditional
locks of hair. He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is
Jewish.


So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear,
"Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Jew over there."

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile,
waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice. This
infuriates the Arab. He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except
the Jew. As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy. He
continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

He does this once again for the third time, but not the Jew again. The
Arab gets real cranky so he asks the bartender, " What the hell is the
matter with that Jew? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in
the bar, all 100 of them but him, and all the silly bugger does is smile and
thank me. Is he nuts? " "Nope," replies the bartender, "He owns the place."

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied...
"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..

..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"

im sick of people knocking on my door looking for donations !!!!

just had a woman from the sperm bank....Boy did I give her a mouth full

a turtle is mugged by a snail...the authorities arrive.


Cop...can you describe your assailant?

Turtle...it happened......so fast

A Somali man arrives in Melbourne as a new immigrant to Australia. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country!” But the passer-by says “You are mistaken, I am Indonesian”.

The Somali man goes on and encounters another passer-by. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia!” The person says “I no Australian, I Vietnamese.”

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says “Thank you for letting me live in Australia!” That person puts up his hand and says “I am from Japan, I am not an Australian!”

He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, “Are you an Australian?”

She says, “No, I am from Syria!”

So he is puzzled, and asks her, “Where are all the Australians?” The Syrian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says…”Probably at

work.”

A Somali man arrives in Melbourne as a new immigrant to Australia. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country!” But the passer-by says “You are mistaken, I am lebonese”.
The Somali man goes on and encounters another passer-by. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia!” The person says “I no Australian, I sri lankan.”
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says “Thank you for letting me live in Australia!” That person puts up his hand and says “I am from Afghanistan, I am not an Australian!”
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, “Are you an Australian?”
She says, “No, I am from Syria!”
So he is puzzled, and asks her, “Where are all the Australians?” The Syrian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says…”Probably at
work.”