[b]AS[/b] part of my military training many, many beards ago I was sent to a summer boot camp in the far reaches of Northumberland. This consisted largely of early doors reveille, plenty of porridge and lots of competitive sport (footy, podex and cross country running). We were also required to keep our bell tents spotlessly tidy. Anything less than perfection after the daily inspection and you were in trouble, with the punishment varying between being staked out in the middle of the night by rope and tent pegs or simply being lobbed naked into the nearby stream.
It didn’t do me any harm, however, and I embraced the thing to such an extent that they asked me back to run the whole shebang in years to come. One could say the poacher had become gamekeeper.
[b]YOU’LL[/b] all be delighted to hear that I’m a superb tennis player. I’ve won several events, home and abroad, and have been asked to turn pro on several occasions. Obviously, being in the employ of Her Majesty’s Secret Service precludes any long-term commitment to the most noble racquet sport of them all. Besides, as I’m such a dab hand at darts and cue sports too I’d be loath to knock any of the aforementioned on the head in favour of one or the other.
With Wimbledon just around the corner I’ll be dusting down the DB9 and heading down to a lady friend’s gaff just off High Street Kensington in order to be near enough to pick up the tube, call in and check out some of the action. Despite being a superb player myself, I have to admit that not all...
[b]EVERYONE[/b] loves a diary. Let’s face it, we’ve all heard of Adrian Mole. People are intrinsically nosey and, like a legion of voyeurs, enjoy nothing more than to rubberneck at other folks’ lives. Imagine my surprise, then, when I came across one of my old diaries the other day. Now I’m not what you would call a show-off, nor am I prone to exaggeration, but I have to say that Samuel Pepys, Anne Frank and Bridget Jones have nothing on me, nor are they anywhere near as prolific.
I might even share an extract with you all in despatches to come, but first let me tell you what I’ve been up to lately.
Some of the local yokels have been on at me about sorting out a local gangster who has been peddling spice to paraffins, walking about like he’s number one and generally causing...
[b]HELLO[/b], good morning and welcome to my latest blog. Buoyed by my correct prediction of Murray taking the Aegon title the other week, I thought I'd share some more sage-like words of tennis tipping wisdom with you all.
Novak Djokovic, who I once bumped into on Larvotto beach in Monte Carlo (he was very polite, despite me repeatedly kicking sand into his face), looks like he can repeat his 2011 success, the only trouble being Nadal looks like he can emulate his 2008 and 2010 wins and Murray looks like, well, a bit of a gargoyle. No disrespect as he’s not in the game for his looks, but my bulldog did a great impression of Murray the other day as he attempted to lick some urine off a thistle.
Don’t get me wrong. I have the utmost admiration for Murray and his sporting abilities....
[b]HELLO[/b], good evening and welcome to my blog. I hope it reaches you all well.
The first bet as part of my own personal 1.1-2.0 challenge was on tennis player Gael Monfils in the Mercedes Cup. He hammered Victor Hanescu at a tidy, no hassle price of 1.16 and this represented the first rung of the 1.1-2.0 ladder of riches.
Bet number two, which was in the region of 1.2, came in comfortably during yesterday (Sunday)'s World Matchplay Darts where James Wade mullered Jamie Caven 10-0.
I'm currently scouring the sporting markets for bet number three, which will of course be circa 1.3. I'll duly post it in plenty of time for you all to get involved. Congrats to those of you who have so far benefitted from the first two selections.
Good luck & happy punting.
[b]HELLO[/b], good afternoon & welcome to my blog. Just a quick update on the 1.1-2.0 challenge for you all. Gael Monfils came through his tennis match earlier safe & sound for a nice, easy 16 per cent ROI. Congrats to everyone who followed the tip. A recommendation in the region of 1.2 will follow later this week as we move through the gears up to 2.0.
Good luck & happy punting!
[b]Remember: she who slags off successful systems stays skint[/b]
[b]HELLO[/b], good morning and welcome to my blog. My first bet as part of my own personal 1.1-2.0 challenge is on tennis player [b]Gael Monfils[/b] in the Mercedes Cup. He’s currently 4-2 up in the first set against Victor Hanescu and should have more than enough in his top drawer to cruise through into the next round. His price at the time of writing is 1.16 and this represents the first rung of the 1.1-2.0 ladder of fame and fortune. Get involved, followers, for some easy cash. Bet number two, which will be in the region of 1.2, will follow later this week.
Good luck & happy punting.
Remember: money talks, bullsh!t walks
[b]HELLO[/b], good afternoon and welcome to my blog. I mentioned Michael Llodra the other night as a sure-fire winner in the second round at Wimbledon and he duly came up trumps, defeating Brazilian Ricardo Mello in four sets. His next opponent is the Taiwanese 27-year-old Yen-Hsun Lu. No disrespect to his overall career record, but in recent times Lu has shone about as bright as Iceland in December. Back Llodra here for a nice easy 46 per cent return on your investment, then treat yourself to a bowl of strawbs and cream washed down with a little glass of champers.
The Frenchman is the proud owner of one of the tournament’s most consistent first serves and one of the most pleasing left-handed backhand techniques seen in the modern game. He’ll come through this test comfortably although...
[b]HELLO[/b], good evening and welcome to my blog. While the current two football systems in operation stand at 5/7 and 2/2 respectively, I have a new one for all you tennis fans. Tennis is a sport which polarises opinion like no other. Who would win in a match between McEnroe and Sampras at their respective peaks? Who was the most consistent performer out of Navratilova and Graf? Who has the most effective serve between Federer and Nadal? Who has the best knockers out of Dokic and Wozniacki?
If you fancy a punt on the tennis, but don’t know who to choose, the secret is simple. Back the minger. Take a look at the two players, check them out closely and whoever you deem to be the ugliest out of the pair, simply back that one. If the better looking of the two wins, you win as you get...
[b]HELLO[/b], good morning and welcome to my blog. I hope you are all keeping well and feeling wealthy. As regular readers know, I’m an extremely lucky person and the rather splendid returns from my first pair of tips ([b]see ‘The steady drip fills the champagne bucket’ posted 16 Feb 11 14:30[/b]) have encouraged me to continue helping you all in your quest to lead a lifestyle as glorious and exhilarating as my own.
To celebrate my recent wins I began by stripping down to my fluorescent orange Speedos. I then attached a rope to myself, jumped in my heated swimming pool, tied the rope all the way across and simply bobbed gently up and down most of the morning. You could say I was buoyed by my success.
When I’d grown tired of the pool, I changed into my paisley smoking jacket...