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Ok i am a bit of an IT geek, at Uni our systems had hardly any security, it was the early days, anyway i could get into all emails etc..
We could do one of our exams online and i found a way to get the correct paper and managed to get 96%, (didnt want to get 100%, might get them suspicious) anyway one day in libary my mate annoyed me, i had got home and he had sold my micorwave for some weed, so next day i hacked into his uni email account and sent an email to the whole course about how he was coming out, he is gay, and its been eating him up etc etc.. He didnt have a clue as people kept going round to him and saying 'dont worry Sanj, we wont judge' or 'I always had a feeling you were', he was so confused, he eventually found out when he went to the IT dept and got his password reset (which i had changed to i love the c*ck). |
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its not the worst thing ive done, but still makes me laugh:
When i was about 21, got home late after working in a restaurant, and my mam dad and sister were all alseep. I was on the sofa with my girlfriend and we were going at it. By the end there was j izz and f anny juice all over the sofa, and down the cracks. Next day my sister was sat on sofa asking what the smell was and why the cushions were damp. I told her the dog must of p issed on the sofa the night before, and so she started scrubbing up all the stains! I'll prob tell her one day!! |
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Stole £300 from a drawer at a house party.
Went on holiday with it. Best holiday ever. |
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REPORTED!!
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My friends oldest son had been sleeping with the village bike for several months, His mum and dad tried to tell him about the young ladies reputation but he knew best and continued to see her, low and behold within what seemed like a few months she was pregnant, he stood by her all the way through pregrancy and was there for her every need, Everything was going well until the day of the birthing where he had been invited to see the birth of his first baby and my friends grandchild, at the time the screen were placed round the bottom half of his girlfriend and he like a good partner comforting her from above the screens , after 2 or 3 hours the baby finally arrived and the father was asked if he would like to cut the cord , as he proceeded behind the screen they held a baby that looked like something from planet of the apes (short curley black hair ,thick lips and a nose spread across its face) he was to cut a chimpanzee birth cord , its was very obvious by now that the boy could not be the biological father to the child , at this point he lost it and started to lay into the mother who had still had her legs in the stirups , I think the mother ended up with 2 black eyes a broken nose and several teeth missing.
Question one did she deserve to be let off so lightly for her actions? |
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"I think the mother ended up with 2 black eye"
sure she didnt have them originally |
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noland she was without being racist pure white, it was found out at a later date she had been at a hen night with all her friends and had been nailed by one of the stripper who was hung like a donkey, and had a slightly darker complextion
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Started betting on American racing via my credit card...
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"without being racist"
classic |
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on a night out in liverpool a few summers ago (when the open championsip was there), we returned to our hotel at about 4am, near lime street station. I cant remember the name of the building, but its the huge one with loads of steps outside - well, a tramp was sleeping on the top step. We were pi55ed beyond belief, so we pushed him off the top step and he rolled all the way to the bottom. in fits of laughter we pegged it to the hotel, and thought nothing more of it. well, on the way to the train station in the morning to make our way to the golf course, there was police tape, blood, and officers hanging about. turns out he suffered severed leg injury. open fracture or something. our only comfort from this was that he prob had a good months stay in nice warm hospital!
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^^^^^^^^^
are you Shawcross in disguise?? |
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i got a blowy from my cousin
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Take me out - thats fcucked up! she nice?
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She? :^0
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^^
pmsl |
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At work someone decided to leaave a dead squirrel in my locker.
I identified the culprit responsible. Took his car keys from his locker and hid the squirrel under his car seat. As it turned out he wasn't the one responsible. His daughter aged 7 was destraught though. It turns out her cat had died that morning (run over) and when she got in the car to go to school she noticed a bad smell in the car. What did she pull out rom under the seat in front of her. A dead squirrel crawling with maggots |
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I really didn't expect to have nearly 300 replies in 24 hours when starting this thread. Well played everyone who contributed.
Still, not a bad bunch of folk on here based on the postings. Anyone care to take it up a notch? I still have one or two gems. |
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whenever i go to mc donalds i always go the counter and say i went through the drive through an hour ago and they never put my big mac in the bag. Have never failed to get a free big mac yet, usually the PLEB on the other side of the counter just hands me a big mac no questions asked.
However dont do what my mate did once and walk into acity centre mc donalds that doesnt have a drive thru and say they forgot your big mac. |
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Dayna Jane Stirling 02 Mar 12:50
I really didn't expect to have nearly 300 replies in 24 hours when starting this thread. Well played everyone who contributed. Still, not a bad bunch of folk on here based on the postings. Anyone care to take it up a notch? I still have one or two gems. Not exactly a good bunch either! |
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I may turn supergrass and point the plod this way, shirley that would make me a few quid in reward money an I'd be able to post the last comment on this thread too ;-) arf arf
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I was playing snooker with my best mate about 25 years ago and in the deciding frame with one red left I needed a snooker, we were playing for our last score each of us had. As I played my shot he walked off to the gents and didn't see me go in off. I picked up the cue ball and stuck it on the baulk line just expecting to lose. He came out of the toilet and started cueing up and unintentionally I had placed the cue ball behind the brown and he was snookered on the last red. I ashamedlly kept schtum and went on to get the snooker and win the money. I was haunted with guilt for years and eventually told him about 10 years later where I returned the £40, he called me every name under the sun !
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best thread EVER on here
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I once stole my brothers sunglasses - returned them the next day but felt back for about half a year.
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*bad
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After all that time, Slippy, you probably owed him more than £50!
This story doesn't involve the worst thing I have ever done, but some people would question my conduct... In March 1997, I was near the end of my three-year journalism degree at uni in Preston. We heard that there was a brothel in a road where loads of students lived, so being a fearless, intrepid hack I offered to expose it. Me and a girl on our course went down there (she was the photographer) and we weren't 100% sure which house it was. So the girl suggested a line for me to come out with when someone opened the door. "Hi - I've come about the advert in the paper for the chest of drawers." "Come in, love." :D A black girl with massive norks let me in and I went upstairs. I went into the bedroom, where there was the biggest pile of jazz mags I have ever seen. I got the girl to give me a price list, which said something along the lines of: £10 basic marsare £20 oral wiv £25 water spors £30 oral wivout Anyway, after getting a phone number I made my excuses and left - but copped a feel off the black girl as I did so. Unfortunately, the other girl saw my mate take a photo as I left, so she was shouting after me as I ran down the street yelling, "Result! It's a brothel." Anyway, I wrote up about my experiences in our weekly newspaper, including lines like, "Just yards from children playing in the street, prostitutes are plying their evil and dirty trade." I rang the brothel a few days later (when I was very píssed) and spoke to a fella who said he was called John Smith. He said the girls were just offering massages and he wanted to meet up to discuss it. Yeah right... Anyway, a few months later a mate who still lived in Preston emailed me. He'd been driving round the town at five o'clock in the evening when the local radio told of a man who was in court facing charges including rape and running a brothel. And it ended up like this: http://archive.leighjournal.co.uk/2000/4/7/735232.html :0 |
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ENGLANDAWAY 01 Mar 23:21
Kopland. You laughed at me punching my Granny? I was about 14, she had lost her mind and was living with us. I went into her bedroom to deliver some Kit-kats. She hit me with a violin and i instinctively smacked her in the mouth!! Ahhh, childhood memories. That is comedy gold. |
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Anyone care to take it up a notch? I still have one or two gems.
I'm not sure many of us would dare! An ex-work colleague of mine, and his lawyer, would be most interested in one of my confessions. |
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Seems we are all human! lol
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When I was a kid I was brought up in a block of flats.Just me my Mum and sister.Sister was a lot older than me so her and Mum would go out clubbing and pubbing together.When I was 12 I got a job delivering papers because I wanted to save up and buy a Raliegh Chopper from the second hand shop up the road for £50
I had around £40 stashed away but came home from school one night to see sis and Mum with carrier bags of new clobber.Quick peck on my cheek and they were out for the night.I checked my stash and yup theyd found it and spent it Nice Next morning I'm up at 6 to do the paper round and when I stumble into the bathroom there is my Mums ring on the sink.It was an expensive one bought by one of her many ex's.I thought stuff it I,m gonna hide it and let her panic for a while One day passes then another and it didnt get a mention so I thought stuff it and took it to the pawn shop in town and sold it for £40 (it was worth a few hundred) I asked the old fella in the newsagents if he'd look after the money for me so they didnt twig when the ** hit the fan(which it did a day or so later) I denied all knowledge of it and continued denying for weeks.I told the newsagent the full story and he knew the bloke in the second hand shop so he very kindly bought me the bike with my £40,he managed to get a tenner off the price for me How nice of him to do that BUT where does a 12 year old living on the 15th story of a block of flats living in a 2 bedroom flat hide a shiny red chopper bike No matter how many last minute winners bust my bank on here nothing is as stressfull as hiding that bike And no I dont feel guilty about it havent spoke to my family in 20 years thank God |
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Great story.
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In science back in school, filled a condom with water when the teacher was out of class and put it in her pencill case.. the reaction was priceless :)
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The Serious Organised Crime Squad have just allocated a squad of 5 officers to this thread.
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I've confessed to:
::**gíng a 19-year-old slapper in my mum's bed at home when my mum was in intensive care :: Hoying all over a London pub (and slipping in my own sick) :: Exposing a brothel in a newspaper, but not telling the police I think I'll be well down their hitlist, Sir Digby :) |
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I laughed when I once saw two young lads (ten years old tops) let the air out of the tyres of an OAP's scooter mobility thing while she was sat on it.
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Don't really want to get into anything nasty.
One of my mates lived with a load of girls. One evening I decided it'd be a good idea to put a little milk into a condom and stash it in the microwave. They were absolutely distraught when it was found! :D I never owned up to it. They still think it was**and all accused each other :) |
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couldnt open maxs link. what did it say?
some of the people on here have done some terrible things. i honestly dont know how they live with themselves, the amount of friends, relatives etc stabbed in the back! anyway a few more from me on a less horible note went on hliday when 18 to newquay. mixed group of lads and lasses. one particularly pretty girl didnt get a round in all week and ponced off us and other rqndom blokes. one night she tried to take my free one in atwo for one offer. my friend and i bought two pints and went to the toilet and emptied half of one out and filled it back up with pi*s. i then took it to her to apologise for my earlier rudeness! she drasnk it all, but not before asking me to get a straw or her. she still doesnt know event though everyone else on that hjoliday does. saw her at a wedding last summer with her new bf. was dying to tell the story in front of audience but resisted. once lived ina rough area up north at uni where thyere were a lot of brasses on the street i lived. one friday i staggered home and got accosted by one on my doorstep. being drunk it took a moment for penny to drop she was a pro. anyway she came in and i had about £2.63 on me which was getting me nothing. i offerd her my housemates video collection which she didnt want so I was reduced to offering the sainsburys vouchers my mum had bought me to feed me for the term. :( she turned them down asking what she could buy with them. booze and cigarettes and food i suggested to no avail so she left and i made sure door was bolted i awoke in the morning hoping it was all a bad dream but there was lipstick smeared on the door handle so she had defo been there! what i remember most tho is keeping a beady eye on my oakley sunglasses and my things of value whilst offering my housemates belongings on a plate! being a greedy person sainsburys vouchers were a last resort! |
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was sick over a lad on GCSE results night and got knocked out! when i became aware i was going to be sick i was in the process of kissing a girl i had convinced i was irish. theory was being irish with the accent would make me more appealing. it did...
unfortunately she walked into the toy shop i had a pt job in 2 days later and asked me what happened to me. sober my irish accent was pitiful / non existent and i got cauht out again. shameful day! |
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was a prolific shoplifter at around 10 years of age
almost always did it on my own but a mate joined once and we got caught let him take the blame and he had a visit from the police |
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just thought of one.
went to a house party at uni. the girl who's house it was was a real pretentious snob adn was really snooty to my group of mates. she had a bottle of apple sourz in her fridge, so we tanned half of it in the garden, then took turns to** in it and fill it back up again. replace it it the fridge, jobs a good un. they are ideal is having a green glass bottle there was no evidence of discolouration. |
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*p1ss
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