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Max and Paddy 01 Mar 15:34
This isn't the worst thing ever, but I'm not too proud of myself. A year ago, I was drinking Peroni on an empty stomach in a pub in Shepherds Bush. After eight pints, I was stood at the bar when I was suddenly sick. I went to the toilet to sort myself out, but on my way into the toilet I was sick again - right in front of my mates. I tried to clean myself up, but there was still a big sick stain all over my shirt. As I walked back into the bar, I opened the door and slipped in my own sick, landing with a big thud and hurting my elbow. We were asked to leave the premises. :^0 |
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Once I only put a fiver in the tin when buying a Poppy
Not proud |
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bangers.....thats superb
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A female teacher asked me to get her a book she had left in the library, I went to the toilet on the way back to class and come all into the book, she put it in her bag and took it home, never did say anything about it
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Ive got loads, was a right git when I was younger, well behaved now
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Millwall!!
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Not the worst thing I've ever done, but the only one I feel comfortable admitting to.
A few years ago, I made my then GF a website to promote her fashion lines and ideas with animation and a cracking tune in the background. Was a cracking site if I may say so myself. The idea was, during an interview, she would present the site to her prospective employers. Anyway, whilst looking for a job, she decides she won't have enough time to see me when she gets a job in london and that we should call it a day. It was somewhat out of the blue, and I was a little angry. Later that week, I knew she had a job interview at diesel or somewhere. 20mins before I knew it would start, I amended her website to instead load a picture of a fat bird sucking off a donkey, who was doing a fantastic job as it was eee-ooring his nuts off. Later I received a barrage of abuse from her and her mates, and never saw her again. For some reason, she didn't get the job. |
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Jimbo! :D
**ing genius!! :D :D :D |
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noticed a car was parked with its window open a bit so picked out some dog turd from a dog bin and took it out of the bag with a leaf and splattered it all over the inside of the car.
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Hey kopland, are you / were you ever in championship manager / football manager? You know you've made it when you're in there!
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I bought some shopping in Lidls once
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Millwall
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haha i was mate years ago but i got released everytime!!! unless i managed them of course and i was instantly 1st team captain! :D
i used to just manage liverpool and buy myself!! :D |
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Jimbo, im in a very very old version of it
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Awesome! Champo 93/94 by any chance? Did you ever edit player data to make yourself better than gazza ;)
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That would be cool kopland. One to show the kids ;)
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haha - used to change stats and potential etc....
i quite often went to be england u21 captain at the age of 17!!! wigan/chester dont know what they missed out on! lol :D |
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I was briefly seeing this grrrl called Em. I was a bit sick of using protection with her so I promised her I'd control myself. Didn't have any intention of doing so, and she duly copped the lot. She was miffed but not livid. Got the morning after and everything was sweet. Except the bl00dy thing made her ill but didn't work. Some weeks later I was supposed to go with her to get a termination. Don't know what she wanted me there for so I 'forgot'. Spend the afternoon with her best mate Jules and pulled the same trick on her, who was married at the time to my cousin. They split not long after but I dunno if was anything to do with me. She must have been pregnant at the time too, because she had his kid 8 months later. But I stress I didn't know that at the time.
Now the kid doesn't have a dad, JS won't talk to Em and Em doesn't know why and my cousin's been suffering from depression since the divorce, and I really don't know how much of it is my fault :0 |
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^lol most of it is your fault! :D
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and by most of it i of course mean ALL of it! :D
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Jeremy Kyle stuff that :^0
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jesus ascii! Still, you're on the right place ;)
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Inbred or what
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asci definitely 8 months and not 9 then
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SOME ABSOLUTE FILTY, RANCID P H UC K E R S HERE.
BEYOND THE PALE. |
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born 4 weeks premature (NAP)
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doantwin2easy 01 Mar 23:16
asci definitely 8 months and not 9 then No I don't think it's mine. Looks a bit like me, but seeing as my cousin looks a bit like me (our dads are twins) it looks like my cousin too. JS is convinced it's his not mine, but she's never chased him (or me!) for child support :) |
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Kopland. You laughed at me punching my Granny?
I was about 14, she had lost her mind and was living with us. I went into her bedroom to deliver some Kit-kats. She hit me with a violin and i instinctively smacked her in the mouth!! Ahhh, childhood memories. |
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Some classic posts on this thread.
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PMSL! :D
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ENGLANDAWAY 01 Mar 23:21
Kopland. You laughed at me punching my Granny? uncontrollably to be honest :D |
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Englandsaway, whether you meant it or not, that is an extremely funny piece of writing.
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his cousins fella is nigerian
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click on this thread?
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Kopland 01 Mar 23:15
^lol most of it is your fault! Kopland 01 Mar 23:15 and by most of it i of course mean ALL of it! I dunno :/ I mean, if J and my cus were that happy then why was she messing with me? I might have helped the situation along, but it would have come to an end before long I think (I hope). Cuosin is depressed because he can't see his kid, but that's not my doing. |
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Was 16-17 and was best mates with a chap who was a promising footballer with West Ham one afternoon after golf and a few drinks we went back to his house where id stayed hundreds of times was in my golf attire and said hey mate you got any shorts
His new bird and his mum had been drinking during the day and i heard someone running up the stairs as im asking for shorts his mum appears and goes there you go Bill so i go in the toilet change into these shorts and as i step out the toilet his mum is stark bollo ck naked Dunno why but we just got stuck in i was on top of her and he just bolted in screamed and ran out the house i thought to mysefl well hes not gonna wanna know me anymore so just carried on banging her all night. I wasnt the first and from what i heard wasnt the last something i regret terribly the pals from west ham found out and he went totally off the rails and now i think hes a brickie in london |
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few years ago at a night match in blackpool i kept shining a laser pointer on a stewards face, he summoned a couple of coppers over and pointed in my direction, i quickly hid the the laser in the crack of my ar$e , the coppers came up the terracing and ejected a tall bloke who was stood 2 rows in front of me, i could hear him shouting "i havent got a bloody laser, what you on about" all the way down the stairs
pmsl |
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I pretended I was a disabled japanese kid so some daft c#nt would carry me up Ayers Rock.
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^pmsl! :D
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about ten years ago i went out on the lash with a few mates.
walking home about 2-3 in the morning i met my mates ex bird, for some reason i have no idea why but i told her to get herself checked out cos he had syphilis (bearign in mind that he had told me this about 2/3 months earlier and i hadnt seen her till that night. anyhow woke up the next morning and totally forgot about the previous night including my helpful advice. Was in a fast food outlet with the mate in question a little later on when his phone rang, he turned to look at me, you know when all of a sudden memorys come flooding back, he didnt even need to say anything, didnt talk to him for a few weeks after. |