The doctor said, "The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare
condition that causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one heck of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

I was shocked and depressed. I wondered if I had anything to live for. I had no choice but to go under the knife.

When I left the hospital, I was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but I felt like I was missing an important part of
myself. As I walked down the street, I realized that I felt like a different person.

I could make a new beginning and live a new life. I saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit..."

I entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit..'

The elderly tailor eyed me briefly and said, "Let's see... Size 44 long." I laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. I tried on the suit; it fit perfectly. As I admired myself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" I thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed me and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." I was surprised. "That's right! How did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years."

I tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. I walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How
about some new underwear?" I thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see...Size 36."

I laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one heck of a headache."

Thanks moisok.


Someone once called me illiterate.

Boll*cks. My folks had been married three years when they had me.

I sat my wife down and gave her a drink.

"I'm having an operation," I told her, "to remove a large malignant growth."

"Oh God, no!!" she cried. "How long will it take?"

"About six months," I replied, "but that depends on you agreeing to the divorce."

I always like the ones  'and then the fight started'  ho ho

If anyone knows of anybody who will be eating Christmas dinner on there own can you please inbox me their address as i need to borrow some chairs.

I took part in a seance for Halloween, using a Fugee board.

I made contact with three dark figures content with killing me softly.

Seen more helmet than Rommel.

Two pigs in a field watching the snow falling, one says don't worry I've herd we're getting blankets for Christmas.

The dog goes beserk snarling and showing his teeth so he back off and sits a few feet away. One day a woman is shipwrecked and lands up on the Island, he nurses her back to health and she joins them every night at the beach.

Eventually the old feelings return and he plucks up the courage to whisper in her ear, could you take the dog for a walk.

#

What is it with these people that refuse to embrace modern technology?
Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

It's the only one I could find.

For now.

She's so left-wing she won't even wear right shoes.

I knew my marriage was in trouble that night I had a heart attack, the missus used a 2nd class stamp when she wrote for an ambulance!

For Sale: 55 million brand new broadband routers, boxed, unused, bargain, first to see will buy.

Contact Jeremy or Diane.

Well never mind it will all be fine.

I'm sure Boris and the tories will keep all their promises.

A bloke just knocked on my door I opened it he was about 3ft 3inches tall.
I said who are you? he said I'm the meter man.

David Bellamy ine ,very clever.