We want to share an important update with our Betfair Community users.
Over the coming months, the Betfair Community platform will be winding down. The final active day for the platform will be December 21st. From December 22nd, users will no longer be able to access the platform.
Your discussions, insights, engagement, and, most importantly, feedback have helped shape the platform and guided innovation. Your feedback continues to be important to us, and we will continue to listen via our dedicated feedback channels, as well as through product testing and innovations.
To share your feedback and experience, visit: https://support.betfair.com/app/home
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Meteor Strikes is Stevie Strikes evil twin. He shoots traffic wardens in the face, commits another unspeakable act on them, poses for photos without his SKIN on then distributes them to unsuspecting forumites, and instead of a pony tail on his head he has a whole damn horse.
Next: Ponytails. |
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Pony Tales will be needed in the future when ponies learn to talk. Currently they are almost there. When they are, they will have to share their life experiences by telling tales.
Futher in the future, even those will become obsolete, when somebody invents a keyboard big enough for a hoof. Ponies can already spell, but as they cannot talk, or type, nobody actually realises this. Next: Keyboards |
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The biggest cause of keyboard accidents ids the lack of knowledge about keyboard shortcuts which are not commonly known
While CTRL + ALT + DEL is commonly known the less well known CTRL + ALT + END + * is the biggest miscrient as it is the standard self destruct mechanism on all Microsoft systems and gives users only 60 seconds to vacate their office/room before the blast radius of 20 square metres obliterates all around it (all hard drives are fitted with an explosive charge as standard except Coomodore 64s and some cheaper Dell models) The worst possible shortcut has been found to be CTRL + ALT + END + F19 + 666 which was found to activate the red button in the White House office and launch nuclear strikes at random next: Friendly Fire |
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Friendly fire is a phrase that came to prominence during the First Gulf War of 1991, when it was used on a seemingly daily basis by the American military spokespersons to describe the circumstances under which British Army troops had come under attack from their allies. Typically, however, for a nation that has rewritten the history of the Enigma cipher, the Dambusters raid and the story of how Noddy met Big Ears, the claim from the American military that they were the first to coin the term friendly fire is a hideous falsehood. The Oxford English Dictionary traces the term back to the Christian religious denomination known familiarly as the Quakers. Founded in the 17th century by George Fox and comprising mainly of violent and abusive biscuit makers, the membership had a collective sea-change in character and outlook after Hezekial Fox, the sweeper-upper in the bakery, found a discarded oatcake in the shape of the crucified Christ. Persecuted for their eccentric worship of this culinary shrapnel, the sect sailed en masse for the American island of Nantucket ;) where they set up their church anew. Shocked by the bloodthirsty manner in which the whalemen of the island went about their business, the Quakers did their best to instil an aura of peace and tranquillity amongst the sailors whenever they were ashore. To this end, the Quakers initiated the first known barbecues, at which the townsfolk would gather. Since they were more properly known as the Society of Friends, these barbecues came to be known and advertised as Friendly Fires which, after a moments thought, is rather ironic considering how the term has been hijacked. But, then, we are talking Americans & irony ;)
Next: The story of how Noddy met Big Ears |
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The story of how Noddy met Big Ears is not to be repeated until after the 9pm watershed.
Next: How Noddy met Big Ears |
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Go on then
Unbeknownst to Enid Blyton, Noddy suffered from a gamut of afflictions and ailments: tinnitus caused by the bell on his hat, flat feet that were masked by his huge boots but, above all else and by far the worst, dyslexia. Although painted as gullible and as innocent as the day was long, poorNoddy was in truth a sexual deviant and was ill-prepared for the replies after submitting an advertisement into the local rags lonely hearts column. Allegedly, his request was to be for a friendly gnome with a big arse, but in his embarrassment he wrote the advertisement himself rather than dictate it to his secretary. Next: The Famous Five |
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Rodney Marsh used to get about 12/6 pension from QPR because he damaged his hearing heading the ball.
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The Famous Five are famous everywhere in the world - except, oddly, Queensland, where they are completely unknown.
Next: Queensland |
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It is a true and amazing fact that Queensland has won the world championship in Nude Underwater Volleyball every year since 1952.
Next: Athletic supporters |
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u cannott rhyme the word rhubarb....next candles
yes you can nice arb |
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Athleltic supporters of the Zimmers can frequently be seen kicking 'holier than thou' non-smokers in the shins as they walk into pubs for their once-monthly glass of lemonade in retribution for the smoking old folk who are now left to rot in social isolation.
Next: Fair play |
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TTT
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Fair Play
The "Fair Play for Cuba Committee" was championed by Lee Harvey Oswald. Say no more. "Fair Play" was a horse that, as a 2-year-old in Henry Cecil's Yard, was described as precocious and, as a 3-year-old, was described as delicious (between 2 slices of rye) "Fair Play" is a phrase that leads to unparallelled guffaws on golf courses all around the UK Next: The assassination of JFK |
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The assassination of JFK is the greatest hood-winking act ever carried out on the general public. Fed up with the trials of office JFK wanted an escape to a more humble life and enlisted Colonel Tom Parker to help out with his dilemma. A deal was struck between the Colonel and Harry Ramsden and the elaborate hoax of JFK's demise was seen all over the world whilst the President secretly became a chip shop owner in Blackpool.
Delighted that his masterful rouse was never cracked, some years later the Colonel used it again for 'his boy'. However, Kirsty McCall spotted something 'fishy' and recorded a song about the event. Thus, chip shop ownership had to be put on the back burner for celebrities wanting a more anonymous career but it's thought Kurt Cobain now runs a kebab emporium in Oswaldtwisstle. Next: Elvis |
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It is a true and amazing fact that Pope John Paul II was often mistaken for Elvis as he went about his travels. Most usually he would correct mistaken fans by politely correcting them and explaining that he was the Bishop of Rome. Speculation that he occasionally failed to make his true identity know have centered around the claims of Daisy Finderstone and her sister Dorothy Finderstone, Bikini Models with tremendous cleavage from Boston who to this day claim to have spent a night of passion with Elvis on 27 January 1999 at the Regency Hotel in St. Louis.
The rumour that John Paul occupied a room in the Regency that very night and came to breakfast singing you aint nothin but a hound dog has never been denied by the Vatican. Next: Twin Peaks |
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Manchester Metropolitan University student Amanda Marchant, 18, revealed as the high point of her time in the Big Brother house the discovery that a thread entitled 'let's all talk like the twins !!' authored by Betfair.com forum regular "Each Way" on May 31st 2007 had achieved 13 posts. Endemol camera operator Steve Maurice, 38, who slipped Marchant the good news concealed in a hollowed-out straightening iron, commented: "I never saw a young girl so thrilled in my entire life."
Next: Trevor Eves |
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You can make it just one Trevor Eve if you want.
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TTT for TT :D
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You're a gentleman and a scholar, Pumpy! Thank you.
Over to you, Rod! |
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ttt
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Trevor Eve (aka Eddie Shoestring) is the husband of actress Sharon Maughan, the pair having met each other while both scrounging for coffee in the corridors of the BBC. Coffee is still a banned substance in the BBC canteen ever since the infamous Gareth Hunt hand gesture incident in the 1980s led to hand to hand fighting between the casts of Play School and Blue Peter
next: John Noakes |
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John Noakes always had a 'thing' for Valerie Singleton. Whenever he was near her he couldn't help but become aroused. This was a particularly embarrassing experience to overcome on children's television. Luckily, the tots watching never fathomed the real meaning of his cry: "Get down Shep!"
Next: One man and his dog |
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One man and his dog...went to mow a meadow... is part of the song that has that longest written lyrics known in this country ( the original manuscript believed to be penned by Chaucer and housed in the British Museum) and is the bane of many drivers on long holiday excursions. It has now been largely replaced by a more updated version where one man and his dog 'went to dig up a meadow and develop it into a modern housing estate'
next: bricklayers |
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Bricklaying is a fiercely defended profession, and all but impossible to break into unless you are born into one of the seven ancient extended bricklaying families. On the birth of a child, bricklaying parents put down the names of their great-grandchildren - not to be conceived for another two generations - for the Greenwich Acadamy of Bricklaying, Hodding and Knocking-up where, on their eventual acceptance, they will spend 14 years diligently learning their craft and fattening up on a diet of egg and bacon 'sarnies' and tea with 6 sugars.
Some, sadly, don't make the grade. The curriculum of the tenth year consists largely of "fobbing off the punter" studies ("Nah, it IS level mate, it's yerr 'ead that's**ed") but even at this late stage a trainee can be expelled without appeal for the simple misdemeanour of failing to maintain an @rse cleavage you could drive a bus down. Bus drivers from Lewisham depot - which, for over 1,700 years, has proudly supplied the Acadamy with men and vehicles to undertake this most important test - are said to utterly incorruptible in this matter. Next |
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Excellent, Stevie - and it's also very good to see you again. What's 'Next:' ?
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Oh, er,
Next: The complet ePink Floyd Discography |
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It is a little know and amazing true fact that Pierre Omidayar founded e bay with the sole intention of collecting the complete Pink Floyd Discography. He has only been partially successful as he still needs "A saucerful of secrets" to finish his quest but he has always been outbid at the last second when ever it has come up.
Next: LSD |
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Leverson, Snake and Darmer were every bit as talented as ELP, but never got a management deal. They started their career at the White Horse in Wantage, and they'll almost certainly end it there too.
Next: ELO |
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It is a true and amazing if little known fact that ELO got thier inspiration from the 1760 s band "The Majical Wax and String Band".
Of course the original band was far superior, thier biggest hit being " Hit me with your flint stick...baby....one more time...." Next: Rip Offs |
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Rip Offs was one of the most successful stars of the Dutch Pornographic and Conceptual Art Film Industry of the 1970s. Accredited with being the mentor of other notable protagonists of the trade like Ron Jeremy and Carol Vorderman, Rip became an even bigger star in Germany in the later part of the decade under the name Rip Von Off and his catchphrase of 'ja, ja ,ja' is still synonymous with arty flicks the world over. He retired from work in front of the camera in the 1980s citing that he wanted to spend more time with his family and his lovers and is now the Dutch Secretary of State for Dyke Jumping
next: Trepanation |
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Trepanation is an oft used method of stress relief for Chit Chat members. Some, in fact, have a jig-saw vertically attached to their mouse so that they can bore another hole whilst they hole another bore.
Next: Vicarious pleasures |
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Although vicarious pleasures can often be found by reading threads on chit chat it was also the name of an unsuccessful BBC pilot sitcom in the 1980s in which Derek Nimmo totally against stereotype played a bumbling vicar. His hilarious adventures opening jumble sales and finding gentleman of the parish hiding in wardrobes without their trousers failed to score a hit with the public despite the appearance of Mollie Sugden as his housekeeper....oh ggggosh!
next: Blue rinses |
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