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Ouch, I had a week of that with my god-daughter. The parents' dedication was astonishing.
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nomadic - if yr still alive, cast yr mind back to aTV programme called GMTV and an interview with the one-legged, money-grabbing lunatic that is heather mills. remember those bulging, psychotic eyes, the deranged rantings? thats what yr wife will be like, when she has found out that u have found, in yr opinion, something better.
u know how the sex life between u and yr wife has 'gone downhill' recently? she wont 'experiment' or 'try something new'? well, she will when u leave her for this new piece. that weekend every month, when yr allowed access to yr child (who, by the way, now despises you), she will be getting slotted all over the shop, by blokes who will be doing more 'experimenting' on her, than isaac newton ever did on a pound of apples. yer new doris wont last long, once she has got u away from yr family. she will start being different, saying that 'its all going a bit quick' and 'u should be yrself for a while'. then she will say that she is 'sorry, but its all over. the relationship started out the wrong way - i guess its a karma thing'. u will subsequently hear, that 'she is facking some other married bloke - thats what she has done for yrs. i told u not to go there!' from yr best mate. u will be left all alone, except for that precious weekend with yr child (who facking hates u and wont speak to you) and an aging collection of crusty bongo mags (u cant afford new ones, because yer ex missus takes 50% of yr wages in maintenance). yr parents will cry themselves to sleep, not being able to see their grandchild and all yer friends will disown u (that ex-wife of yrs can be very 'persuasive' - especially when she is nailing yr best mate) so yr skint, losing yr hair, getting fatter by the minute, friendless and hated by yer parents (who cant understand why u would ever leave such a wonderful mother) and loathed by yr child. or, of course, u could get THE one. u know, THE woman, the dream. and it is all a dream, hunting for that woman. the woman who is nice, caring, understanding, funny, sensible and not selfish. but, like the loch ness monster, does such a woman exist, or is it all a myth? |
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Relationships go up and down all the time, but time makes them stronger. But if everytime you hit a low you jump into bed with someone else, then you are better off going now, and give your wife and daughter a hot at long term happiness.
Be honest with yourself, if you cant stick with it, then go....... but dont cry about the consequences perfect. |
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The new sort you have met is an irrelevance - funny that you are even beginning to compare your wife and mother of your child to a woman youve spent one night with - grow up, man!
Your problem was created a while back now, people do drift apart and fall out of love, but usually it takes a little longer than a couple of years! how you can be in this position with a 1 year old child is beyond me, you clearly didnt love your partner when you conceived (if you think you did, you dont know what true love is). As Oriole said, this story is far too familiar in the UK these days. Got married, had kids, kids grown up, been together 20+ years and then got tired of each other and want to move on??? fine and understandable... ...but for this happen so soon is unforgivable - I feel very sorry for your child. |
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I haven't read anything else on here but if I know one thing, I know chit-chatters. Get stuck in son, ditch the miserable wife and get elbows deep in your new pet slapper. You can always have other kids.
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THIS IS AN HISTORIC MOMENT!!!!!
After 5 years plus on here-I actually agree with something Orioles has posted! Bring out the champagne! :) |
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calling Jeeves
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My butler's name is not Jeeves!
I hope this clarifies the matter! |
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And I'm just separating the milk solids and water from the fat.
I hope this clarifies the butter. |
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Removing water from it does not clarify the butter.
I hope this clarifies the matter! Dr Aristotle Slicer PhD MB BS B Pharm MRCVS DRCOG Cert BHD Professor of Dairy Scientology North Southeast Mumbai University |
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hi, its been six weeks now since i moved out into a bed sit.I'm still paying half towards all my wife and daughter bills (mortgage,nursery ect.). To be honest I've only got about £350 to live off once everything has been paid out a month.
Looking back now i never left my wife for this other 'woman' just the fact my heart and mind were no longer as one together. I've lost around 2 stone in 3 months and now my weight has finally leveled off. stress can crush anyone young or old. but living a life where you stay together for the sake of your children is worse in my opinion. My wife lets me see my daughter and has taken everything that belongs to me down within the home she hated me but too this day she don't know i had **ed on her. Advice for anyone who is not in love and **ing on their partners stop **ing and be honest with yourself and your partner love can't be controlled and can't be bought by money and can't be true contained. I'm not completely happy only seeing my daughter twice a week but at least i'm true to myself and one day my wife will be loved for true once again by another man. i'm still a good fater as my wife would agree with but husband i am not. their is a big difference between the two. thanks for all the honest and good advice that was given. I'm still seeing the other lady and very happy and can say with my hand on my heart i'm at peace . poem, true love is just like a ghost we all think and talk about it but very few ever felt one. |
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nice to hear. good luck
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You made the right decision.
Good luck |
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good luck nomadic, hopefully the path you have chosen will give you a chance at true happiness
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_londis_lagerhound_ 07 Sep 11:05
i will have to put my happyness a side til my daughter gets older. Damn right you will. You brought her into the world and you have a responsibility to her that far outweighs your own selfish desires. Awful, awful post Its not because you have children your life is over you know. No-One should have to live in misery for the sake of keeping the boat still for the kids Do you realise the environment of bitterness and resentment that child could be brought up in? |
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I have been in a very similar situation in the past.
1 year after birth of our daughter and 4 years together I started seeing my bosses PA. She was young, sexy and good fun. This went on for about year and a half and my relationship crumbled with my partner. I did stop the affair eventually as the situatuion was very grim, a mixture of guilt, my mistress wanting me to move in with her and the fear of being found out and not seeing my daughter every day. In the end I ditched the mistress and moved out to be on my own and now I have joint custody of my daughter (although if I ever got caught I wouldn't have as I was always warned 'if you ** you won't see your daughter much!'). Top and tail of it is I was much happier before I started the affair and I now realise I really did love my ex and I still miss her a lot. I have had subsequent brief acquaintences but nothing significant and I really don't think I will meet a woman who will be my soulmate like my ex was. The lesson I have learnt is, 'you don't know what you got until its gone.' Ditch the mistress, work hard with your wife at putting things right. If it doesn't work at least you have tried and will not have regrets. Good luck and be careful what you wish for. |
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Sorry never realised date of original post and the update! good luck
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thank you for your very kind relpys.
to be honest if i stayed i reckon i would have ended up in a mental home with a broken soul. i was becoming very run down and sad towards the end losing weight even having 2 cold sores one after the other which my doctor said he had never seen before in 14 years. everyone will say how can you leave a wife with a 1 year oldchild. well the answer is simple you can't , but my health was becoming a major issue and i still can't believe how even my wifes family sad and angry as they are/were they seem to have re opened the door for me as they also knew how hard my choice was. once again thank you for your helpful posts. |
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Mate of mine has just left his missus and two kids for another bloke - now that has caused heartache ...
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Sounds like you did the right thing, Nomadic. Good luck.
Jeez, wires, that must have been really tricky. |
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how u both getting on?
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My advice would initially be to see if your wife is happy to wear a mask during lovemaking.
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would it be one of those "scream" masks?
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Is there any particular reason why you no longer 'fancy' your wife?
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Cancel my last post...just seen the dates.
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nomadic - 3 months in and yr new bit still luvs u, eh? well, from personal experience, they can usually keep up an act of being decent, normal human beings for a maximum of 6 months. then the act stops, the mask drops and the real evil and spite surfaces.
good luck and hope yr ex dont turn yr kid against u so much that she resents u for the rest of yr life, eventually refusing to see 'the man that ruined my childhood and life.' mother have a lot of power over their daughters, u know - especially when u aint there to defend yrself. i genuinely hope u have found a 'rogue doris', a bird who slipped 'under the radar' of vileness and she is that most mythical of creatures - a decent, sane and kind woman. |
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:0
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and? has she poisoned yr childs mind against u yet?
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i grew up in an environment where my parents clearly didnt get on with each other, it was only once i left home that they decided to go their seperate ways. i wish they'd done it years before...
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I doubt many of you will care and for anyone going through that tough patch keep your head up.
It's been over a year now and for anyone who feels scared of not seeing their child or children don't be.My divorce as it still stands is a mess,but new hope has grown.I've met someone and so far so good. My problem is the grass is always better in the other field? My ex hate's me and them dreams of one day sitting down and eating in a meal somewhere,well who was i kidding there are no winners and only losers. I still see my daughter and she's fit and well.She is 2 years old now and finds it hard saying goodbye.We all think were tough but I can assure you when someone you love clings to you when saying goodbye you'll break inside.Many times my wife's tried to ruin whatever goes on between me and my daughter but i've learnt a few things- count how many problems you've got? when was the last time someone you care about really asked how you are? if your un happy why? be truthful to yourself because otherwise youll destroy everything. Anyway at the moment everything is very well and in a way i was surprised how humble you can be when people stick togehter. If you feel numb and are becoming more like your partner and less like yourself you'll understand how tough it is to find the strenght to think and look after yourself? perhaps your already ill and not taking care of yourself ? only you know that. For the 1st time in a long time i'm happy and i'm tony again.thats worth more that anything . As I once was told.''if you can't look after yourself you really ain't much help to anyone else''... be yourself not someone else. |
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good luck, mate
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thank you..one thing i've learnt is you can be a good father and a terrible husband..never confuse the 2.
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good man nomadiac
interesting read- its fecking hard keeping a relationship going but i'd hate to lose my daughter even if it was just weekends sometimes my partner annoys the hell out of me- lack of sex, lack of spark together etc but coming home to my daughter and her running to the door when i come home from work is the highlight of my day but if the love is gone then maybe so should you |
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Could often leave wife but not my kids :)
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thank you all for you replys and Sharky ^ thats vwas ery brave off you to admit that to yourself.
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You can flit from filly to filly and cause chaos and heartache for yourself and any children that may be born during your drifting, but one day you will look back and realise one lady was the best thing that ever happened to you, the lucky/wise man never needs this hindsight because he spends the rest of his life with this lady.
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dunno what happened me then.
i was happy enough , decent guy , certainly not perfect but we had a lot of good times. helped her through 6 years of uni , with 2 children , mortgage , tried to keep several weekends and good holidays twice a year etc , wasnt a total drag to live with , she didnt have to work for the 10 years we were together. she just up and left with another guy out of nowhere. not much i can do about that. had kids week on / week off for 2 years , then she said i was only to have them 2 days a week , in court and was a lamb to the slaughter. now shes taking them to another country and nothing i can do. sort of miffed at guys that can make the decisions to keep it all together. like its their decision , dunno what i did wrong like |
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stevie - why do you say there is nothing you can do about her taking them abroad?
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because im currently in the middle of a court case to stop it.
its just a total joke , i have to fight tooth and nail to justify that i am a parent ? yet she pishes all over the system and has only her own interests at heart and is treated like a victim? its crazy! i went to the court to try and stop the move after hearing from the kids about it. i walked in expecting fairness , well anything was better than her attitude of " im moving and theres nothing you can do to stop me , legally or otherwise , ive looked into it" day one in court , went from an active parent of 12 years , 2 years shared custody to 2 days a week on a supposed interim period. 5 months later of what i would consider to be emotional abuse by her , the courts granted her residence order and contact for me of 2 days a week. i was seeing less and less of my children and she was , for want of a better term "turning them against me" wouldnt have believed it years ago ,but she was blaming me for the situation etc , kids thinking i was the bad guy , she was involving 2 young children in something they should of been protected from. out of nowhere she went to court and asked for the kids to be interviewed and asked what they wanted. this was done in her home etc and the kids said they wanted to be with her and wanted to move away etc. in fact they couldnt of said it better if they had a script in front of them. so now the courts will wipe their hands of it saying they are following the kids best interests. bullsh1t! i have one last chance to stop this in march. ive no chance going by whats went before. my kids are not nor ever have been religious and especially not Catholic. now she has them enrolled in a convent school called light of christ or some sh1te. i spend most of my time thinking about this and i know deep within my soul that this move is so wrong for them on so many levels , i wouldnt need to describe the worst case scenarios for lost teenage girls. they are two of the most fantastic girls , such good children. tears me apart to see the selfish interests of their mother jeopardise the balance and stability they have in their formulative years. all i can do is be there for them , they are sitting beside me now settling down to watch a movie. sometimes i think that the people who try to do the right thing are the most sh1t upon. so many guys couldnt give a toss yet they are begged by the mothers to be involved. she wants the opposite , wants this new guy to be the role model and me to be the ** who gets them on the odd holiday and the scapegoat for all their future problems. |
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stevie
Jeez that is incredible - you must be in bits. I presume part of the reason you are at your wits end is because you feel like you have explored every opportunity to stop this and you have already contacted anyone or any organisation you think could help. Has the court then already said for sure they will side with the Mother on allowing her to relocate, despite your protestations? I know what you mean about the resident parent putting words in to the kids mouths even if your relationship with them is fine, but with the best will in the world this is bound to happen. I went through something similar a couple of years ago and was advised by both my solicitor and FNF (families need fathers) that I would be unlikely to stop a move abroad if she could prove that the kids would be in a decent home and school and she could sustain them. I ended up agreeing to it through gritted teeth, but with reasonable access, and a lot of insistances. |