HELLO, good evening and welcome to my latest blog. I don’t know if any of you have ever played any football management games, but to sum them up they’re just like women. They beckon you in with the prospect of a more exciting life, you become addicted to them, you enjoy a few highs and lows (as opposed to kitchen table mediocrity), then they dump you on your backside just when you think you’ve sussed them out. Besides, once you’ve managed Crawley Town to the European Champions League final (I have the screenshots to prove it), the only way is down.
I digress. My local cricket combo, Lancashire, have just achieved promotion back up to the top division of English cricket. When they finally got their winning runs, the crowd of 23 (two umpires, the groundsman, 18 members of the catering staff and the two twelfth men) were ecstatic, I can tell you. The nearby Tesco’s, which is seventeen times larger than Wembley, three stories higher than Taipei 101 and shinier than The Shard, meanwhile, was laughing all the way to the bank.
For a change, I have a double for you this week. Stuart Bingham will win his first round match in the Shanghai Masters, as will Ding Junhui. If either of them don’t I’ll be in serious trouble as I owe Akira ‘The Sharpened Bowler Hat’ Yamawaki as few million Yen after losing a wasabi-snorting contest to him in downtown Osaka the other night. I’m not saying my vomit stunk, but the TV news was soon reporting unsubstantiated rumours of a chemical attack. Thankfully, no women or children were hurt, only a few mixed-up martial artists returning from the local dojo.
Good luck and happy punting!