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Is that the time already?

23 Feb 12 12:34
ISN'T it awkward when you meet someone and they want to buy the clothes you're wearing? I experienced this the other day in a delightful country pub I visited, just south of Crewe.

While I was tucking into the Ploughman’s Lunch In A Basket (tremendous value at £7.99 with a free pint of Bishop’s Thorny Elbow), this dreadful fellow approached me and offered me £100 for my blazer. I politely declined as I was just about to shovel some more Branston Small Chunk onto a nice piece of brie, but he wasn’t letting it go. I calmly explained to him that the buttons alone were worth more than a grand and he seemed to take umbrage at this, going all hot under the collar.

He offered me outside, so I told him to stop being so rude and to wait until I’d finished. He started screaming all sorts of obscenities so in one swift and fluid movement I got up, administered a one inch punch to his solar plexus and he went down like a sack of human excrement.

I digress.

Tonight the Premier League Darts is into its third exciting week and each tie throws up some rather splendid betting opportunities. James Wade has played like the proverbial dog thus far and can’t possibly play as badly as he has been doing, so lay his under-priced opponent Gary Anderson. You’ll be able to trade out on this one if you want to protect your stake. As for the other three matches, Whitlock will beat Painter by 8-5 or 8-4, so dutch those. Taylor can take Barney 8-6 or 8-5, while Lewis should end his run of draws by beating Andy Hamilton.

Good luck and happy punting – I’ve got to see my tailor about a cravat.
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