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A Trio of Tasty Tips

22 Feb 11 09:15
HELLO, good morning and welcome to the latest edition of my blog. Special warm greetings go to my ever-growing band of followers.

I’m going to have to cut down on this post-win boozing. The other week this little darling with warm brown hair and a beautiful smile walked into the country pub near my UK holiday mansion which I like to pop into from time to time to celebrate a win. My friend, ‘Obscure’ Fred Tottington, the local gamekeeper who has a small cottage next door, whispered to me: “She’s rather a beautiful little thing,” to which I replied: “Which one?”

Seeing double is one of the more tolerable side-effects to having a drink. It’s the morning after that irks me. “Hair of the dog, old bean?” yelled Fred through my letterbox. I wouldn’t like to say what time it was, for he’d already been up shooting pheasant since pre-milkman hours. “No thanks,” I croaked from my room in the mansion’s west wing (it’s rather charming – exposed beams, original features and all that). I’d been on the tequila slammers and I knew I had none in the house.

Still, while one’s young one must enjoy themselves, and while I’m rather partial to a glass of champers as my legion of readers will testify to, a decent quality glass of Bourbon goes down a treat as an instant hangover cure and pick-me-up. Stick to a well-known brand if you’re unsure – Jack Daniels or Jim Beam (black label if at all possible) are both perfectly acceptable if you don’t have the kind of funds I have at my disposal.

Half-fill the tumbler (it has to be a clear tumbler – anything else is simply disrespectful) with ice, then add a generous portion of Bourbon – say the equivalent of a standard double. Swill it round in your hand so that the ice cools it down.

Drink it in two long, slow swigs, savouring the flavour and its reassuring bite at the back of your throat and enjoy the sensation of it flowing into your stomach. If you fancy some more after that, I’d strongly advise some breakfast – smoked salmon and poached or scrambled eggs is fine, but drink a little slower from that point onwards. You want to see just one spreadsheet at a time, after all. It’s amazing how quickly 1.01 becomes 101 when you’re smashed out of your skull. If a few slugs of Bourbon don’t do the trick, try sprinkling a sachet of Resolve on the ice before your pour your next shot.

Anyway, I digress. I have a trio of tremendous tips for you all to peruse in your ongoing quest to live a similar lifestyle to my own.

Tonight’s tips

BACK: Over 2.5 goals in tonight’s Blackpool v Spurs match. Both of these teams love to get the ball down, pass it around and attack, attack, attack. Couple this with the fact that Blackpool have as much chance of keeping a clean sheet as a vagrant with chronic diarrhoea and you’re laughing all the way to the members’ only cocktail bar.

BACK: Norwich City to beat Doncaster at home this evening. Genuine promotion contenders Norwich are very strong at home, while a cursory glance at the Championship Recent Form table sees Donny near the bottom of the pile. Expect the Canaries to be singing at the end of this one.

BACK: Chelsea to beat FC Copenhagen away in Denmark in the Champions League. While no-one seems to like Chelsea at the moment and their season has been a shocker for their usual high standards, they simply have far too much class for Copenhagen who are far from wonderful themselves.

Good luck and happy punting!

Remember, it’s always better to be wise than to be smart.
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