Yorky Pud

Since my last entry there has been quite a bit of poker, some reflection of my recent Barcelona trip and some horrible news from someone who I count as a friend but have never met in person. The poker and reflection can wait until another entry as I think my friend deserves a post to themselves.

When I first got into poker I found a forum called Texas Holdem Forums, joined up and asked the most ridonkulous questions known to man. Over a period of time I managed to improve at the games and was a good part of the community and was asked to become a moderator. At the same time a guy called Jim, known as Starlight Coast, also become a mod and we became online friends through MSN and the like.

Jim has always had a dream of becoming a professional poker player, mainly because he loves the game and the lifestyle would suit him in his duties as a carer for his beloved wife, Becci, who has had plenty of severe health problems. Jim and Becci have been married for 12 years and it is very obvious they still adore each other as much as when they first met and both shared Jim's dream of becoming a poker pro.

Reading between the lines, Jim and Becci have to make each penny count and I remember Jim having at least two jobs on the go at one point, working every hour he could to support his wife. He really is one of those guys who you want to go all the way because he's been down on his luck, never moans about his situation and is one of the last remaining real good guys. Over the past 12 months his luck has really sucked, I remember his car breaking down, him busting his bankroll, Becci having a serious accident in the home and then the online sites he played on shutting their doors to players in his state, basically cutting off the man's balls.

But yesterday all of this failed to matter any more as Jim updated his friends on family, through Facebook, that his darling wife had passed away suddenly at 0230 in the morning either from a heart attack or blood clot in the lung. Understandably, Jim is devastated after being Becci's carer for as long as I can remember, she was the focus point for everything and the reason he got up on a morning. Jim even ended his status update, "I wish I died with her. There's nothing left for me to go on."

Whilst I have never lost someone so close to me, I must urge you Jim, as I know you read my blog, that you have everything to live for. Although I have never met either you or Becci I count you as my friends and I feel awful that I can't physically help you through your time of need. Knowing what I do about you guys, Becci would expect you to mourn her but would also expect you to grab life by the horns, get back on the horse and get back on track for chasing your dreams. Imagine how proud she will be of you when you are finally able to say you are a professional poker player, something you strived to become to improve both of your lives. You have my contact details if you want to bend the ear of your friend across the pond.

I think I'll end it there for now as there is not much more I can say is there? Rest In Peace Becci Irving, rest in peace the friend I never met.

Antonio "The Magician" Esfandiari is the run away chip leader at the tournament that has, quite possibly, the longest name ever, the World Poker Tour Doyle Brunson Five Star World Poker Classic!

A grand total of 439 players parted company with $10,300 in exchange for 30,000 tournament chips, creating a prizepool of $4,248,600, with $870,124 of that going to the eventual winner. In what can only be described as a bizarre move by the organisers, the tournament is paying the top 100 finishers, almost the top 23%, when the industry standard is usually between 10-15% at the most.

There were 137 players who survived the first two days of play, meaning that 37 of those who returned to the vast Fontana Lounge at The Bellagio, Las Vegas were going to leave empty handed. The last of those players, and therefore the tournament's bubble boy, was the unfortunate Ali Eslami. With the blinds at 1,500/3,000 and a running ante of 400, Scott Vener moved all in from middle position for 35,000 and when the action reached Eslami on the button, he called off his remaining chips, being covered by just 1,600.

As play was hand-for-hand the players had to wait until all the other hands were completed before turning over their own hands and when they did it was a classic race. Eslami held AhKs against the ThTs of Vener. The final board ran out Qs-7d-4c-7h-Jd and with it Eslami was eliminated in 101st place with only memories to show for his efforts, oh and a huge round of applause from the rest of the players, each now guaranteed $12,669!

Over the course of the next four hours, the 100 players were slowly whittled down and when the screens around the card room showed that just 54 players remained, the tournament director paused the action and called it a night. When the players return to The Bellagio later today, they will play the remaining 15 minutes of level 15, meaning the blinds will be 2,500/5,000/500a, and each player will take home at least $13,725.

Leading the way is former magician, Antonio Esfandiari, who with a 1,082,500 stack is the only player to pass the million chip mark. Making up the top four are Doug Lee (782,500), Vanessa Rousso (694,000) and Freddy Deeb (654,000). The field still has many well-known face in it, including Sorel Mizzi, Bryn Kenney, Andrew Robl and the man the tournament is named after, 10-time WSOP bracelet winner Doyle Brunson.

Should Esfandiari go on an win this event it will be his second WPT title, as he won the $9,900 LA Poker Classic back in 2004 for a career best cash of $1,399,135. The "High Stakes Poker" regular has live tournament winnings of $3,637,993 and is a very good friend of Betfair Poker sponsored pro, John Tabatabai.

Hi folks, Pud here, fully recovered from my exploits in Barcelona and ready and raring to go once again. I say fully recovered, which is a little lie, but I'm guessing you're not too bothered about what is going on with my bowel movements so we'll leave that well alone.

Since getting back on very cold home soil, I've not played much poker at all. This is mainly down to either being extremely tired or deciding to watch a film with the other half. That said, I have been playing some Double Or Nothing SNG on Betfair Poker so I guess I have not been playing any poker at all then!

Why am I playing these mind-numbing, reg-fests I hear you ask. Well the answer is I am being a Valueback **** for the next couple of weeks, a valueback **** as I am not allowed to call it rakeback. Damn, there I've said it, they'll go club a kitten to death now. Basically, I get 30% something-back from my old Betfair account and coupled with a bonus they sent me through, I am getting 92.5% cakeback until I have cleared the $250 on offer. With the travelling abroad, Christmas and the fact I still haven't put any money away for my tax bill yet, I am well and truly skint so Double Or Nothing SNG seem to be the answer.

I've got a few quid, not much, on Betfair at present so I thought I'd enter the bonus code, try run up some monies and use that as a bankroll or to pay for a few things in the coming weeks. I've played around 30 of them so far and I'm slightly in front, quite nicely in front when I take into consideration the bakeback I will be receiving. The games are horrifically boring, full of regulars and I keep deviating from the optimal strategy of folding everything that is not aces or the stone cold nuts just for kicks! There's one dude who plays for literally 15 hours a day! Everytime I log on or contemplate logging on, he's there! The dude's hidden his Sharkscope stats for some reason so I am assuming he's winning but Jesus, who boring must your life be if you're grinding $11 DON games 15 hours a day? That is unless he lives somewhere uber cheap and playing so many games allows him to be a balla, then fair play to him.

The good thing about them though is I can have one or two of them fired up as I am working so I'm increasing my life hourly rate too! Saying that I have only played four of them today but the plan is to always have one open when I am working and then play 16-32 each night (16 is the amount needed to release $10 of my bonus) and then re-evaluate when it is completely cleared. Guess I must be as sad, if not sadder than the 15 hours a day grinder!

Right, I'm going to leave it there for now as I want a wazz and a cup of coffee before I brave the elements and go pick up Step Pud from nursery. Until then, thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables!

With land based casinos open all hours and online poker sites, such as Betfair Poker, open for business 24 hours a day, does it really matter at what time you sit down and play a few hands of poker? Many will say no but I will without a single doubt in my mind say yes it does.

The majority of humans are governed by time and the concept of time. We love to make plans, follow schedules and the like, so much so that when the reality TV series "Big Brother" was first shown on UK television, there were psychologists everywhere saying the contestants would go mad if the producers carried out their plans of not having a clock anywhere in the house. They didn't go mad but it affected the vast majority of them to some degree.

So why should the time have anything to do with your win rate? Well, some of the reasons should be quite obvious, whilst others not so. On every poker site there is a peak time where the majority of the site's players are online. This generally coincides a couple of hours after the "normal" working day is finished, so at around 1900-2000 during the week. This is because the vast majority of poker players are recreational, not hardcore professionals, and most have day jobs that they have to attend to, therefore the best time to play would be when the majority of the weak player base is online, though you need to be careful to avoid the sharks who like to come out to eat at these times as most pro also play during peak hours.

Players who are online very early in the morning, say 0400-0700 are usually made up of those who cannot sleep, those who are chasing their losses from earlier or those wanting to play a quick session before they head off to their day job for the rest of the day. Whichever of the three stereotypes they are, they are all ideal candidates for padding your bankroll with as they will either be very prone to making mistakes or going out of their way not to lose before they spend eight hours behind a desk!

Likewise, there is an increased number of weak players late at night, from midnight onwards, which is no coincidence that this is the time when most people have relaxed and had a few beers or a couple of glasses of wine. I have a friend who used to make a ton of money simply logging onto European heavy sites around 2300-0030 when British pubs closed and taking the money off drunken gamblers!

Other things to consider are days of the week such as the weekend attracting more recreational players, public holidays doing the same, basically any time recreational players are going to be online rather than working, is a good time to play poker! The festive holidays are superb as sites generally run a Christmas based promotion at the same time a large number of players are merry from a few drinks or generally in joyous moods because of the festivities! Do yourself a favour this Christmas and bag yourself a few fish!

He started the day as the chipleader and he stayed that way throughout the final table and in the end he won every single chip in play. This morning Sebastian Homann will have woken up €254,746 richer and can call himself the WPT Marrakech Main Event Champion!

The German's Curriculum Vitae may not read as well as some of the more well-known poker players but Homann has still put in some impressive results. According to his entry in the Hendon Mob database, Mr Homann had previously cashed in six major live events, with entry fees ranging from €600 up to €2,000, with each cash being a final table finish, two of them outright wins. However, he was still looking for that first massive cash to give him more freedom to travel the circuit. He has it now.

Everyone who reached the final table was guaranteed to take home €19,920, not bad for three day's work, and the first to collect theirs was Patrick Muleta. Around half an hour after the final table had started, Muleta looked down and decided AcJh was good enough to play for all his 250,000 stack. With blinds at 6,000/12,000 and a running ante of 2,000, Muleta moved all in preflop from early position, however, he did not bank on Felix Oberauer waking up with a dominating AsQs behind him. He made the call and when the final table ran out Ah-4d-3h-4s-7c, Muleta was eliminated in ninth place.

Julien Labussiere was the next player to head for the rail, around an hour later, when he moved all in from the cutoff for 342,000 chips holding KsKh. The overwhelming chipleader, Homann, made the call with AdTs and was rewarded for his gamble when the flop came down Ad-Ts-Jd. The 4c on the meant Labussiere was drawing extremely thin and when the 2s showed up on the river it was curtains for Labussiere.

The table played six handed for another two hours before not one but three players busted out in quick succession! First to go was the Swede Johan Williamson, who was eliminated when he raised Homann's opening bet of 50,000 to 135,000 and received a call from the German. The flop came down 4d-3c-8d, Homann checked, Williamson bet 165,000 and then quickly called when Homann moved all in. Homann held 6d6h, which somehow stayed in front of the AdKd of Williamson as the turn and river came the Qh and Th respectively.

Ten minutes later and Dominik Nitsche was heading for the cashier's cage to pick up his prize money of €36,220. With the blinds now standing at 12,000/24,000/4000a, Nitsche moved all in for 450,000 from the button and must have known he was in bad shape when Homann re-shoved to isolate him. Nitsche turned over 7h6h, needing a small miracle against the KhKs or his opponent. No help came on the Tc-4s-Qc-8c-7c board and the 2009 LAPT Argentina winner was busted out, leaving Homann with three-quarters of the chips in play!

Five became four just moments later when Sebestien Compte open-shoved from the button and fellow short stack Guillaume de la Gorce called off his remaining 270,000 from the small blind. De la Gorce turned over 9c9d, which were way in front of the red pocket fives of his opponent. No miracle two outer on the 3s-Qh-9s flop, nor on the Jd turn or 2d river, and with it, de la Gorce was eliminated in fifth place, worth €54,334.

Felix Oberauer was next to go in a cruel hand involving Homann. No less than three pots had been split involving Oberauer but he will be wishing his exit hand was a fourth! Homann opened to 65,000 under the gun, Compte folded on the button but Oberauer shoved and Homann snap-called. With the cards in their backs it was revelaed it was one of poker's coinflip scenarios, with Homann's JhJd  holding a slender advantage over the AdKs of his opponent. However, the jacks fell well behind on a Qc-Jc-Th flop but then took an unassailable lead when the Qs fell on the river. The meaningless 5s on the river completed the hand and took the tie down to three-handed.

Those three players battled it out for almost 90 minutes before one was eliminated, that dubious honour going to Compte, who got his money in good with AhQc against Guillaume Cescut's JhTs but then fell behind on a 3s-6c-Tc flop and even further behind when the Td peeled off on the turn. The inconsequential 7h on the river completed the hand and took the tournament heads-up!

Going into heads-up, Homann held a two-to-one chip lead over Cescut but it still took him 40 minutes to defeat him. In the final hand Cescut raised to 125,000 and Homann called and then checked the Jd-4s-3s flop. Cescut then bet 150,000, Homann check-raised to 375,000 and then instantly called Cescut's shove! Cescut turned over As4c for a pair and an overcard, whilst Homann held Js9h for top pair. The turn was the Kc and the river 3c, meaning Homann was cowned champion and Cescut would have to make do with the €135,831 on offer to the runner-up.

Much will be said about the disappointing turnout of just 222 players, down 194 on the previous year, but Homann's aggression and victory should be commended and I doubt it is the last we have heard from the talented German

Sit 'n' go, single table tournaments of SNG whatever you want to call them are a great way to learn poker and build a bankroll from a minimal deposit. Some of the world's best players, including Tom "durrrr" Dwan, began their careers by playing micro and low stakes SNG before moving onto the high-stakes cash games they now play.

Whilst it is true that some very intelligent individuals have essentially "cracked" SNG play, that is analysed millions of hands and situations and come up with the mathematically perfect way to play, there is still plenty of scope to make money from the lower end of the buy-in spectrum, where the weaker players continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.

One of the most common mistakes you will see at the tables is players limping too much. This is most common when the blinds are low because the limper thinks that they have the potential to flop a big hand and double up, but what they fail to realise is they are leaking chips, chips that are vital in the latter stages of the SNG and chips that are costing them much needed equity. Taking the initiative will allow you to continue the momentum after the flop and will make you a much tougher player to play against.

Following on from limping too much, another major mistake is to not attack passive players. A passive player will hardly ever raise preflop and will have some strange looking HUD states (if you are using one) that read something like 45/8 or 35/7. These players will almost always call your preflop raise and then check-fold the vast majority of flops, quite literally giving you their chips. These players are more common than you think and you should attack them relentlessly, that is until they start to play back at you, which they will only usually do with the most premium of hands.

Although the "perfect strategy" for SNG is widely accepted as playing ultra-tightly in the early stages and then going nuts late on, it does not mean there is no scope for some creativity. Because it is so easy to play multiple tables of SNG simultaneously, you will often come across regulars who are playing several tables at once. These will be playing the aforementioned robotic style of playing very tight to begin with and loose late on, perfect to target during the early stages and grabbing some much needed equity from the off. That is not to say play like a man possessed, but you can open your range up against these regs as they will be spending the majority of their time folding whilst the blinds are small.

The biggest mistake SNG players make are always around the bubble, that is, the last position before the money is awarded. You need to familiarise yourself with the concept of Independent Chip Modelling (ICM) and know how to apply it. In order to fully utilise ICM, a player needs to be able to put their opponent on a range of hands accurately, which comes with practice and experience. Once you delve into ICM, and possibly use an interactive tool such as SNG Wiz, you will be amazed at which hands you should be folding when facing a shove and which ones you should be pushing all in with when first to act.

The World Poker Tour (WPT) is currently in Marrakech, Morocco, and the 222 who paid the €4,250+€750 entry fee to take part in this prestigious event have been whittled down to the final table of nine players.

In recent years, the WPT has seen a massive reduction in the number of people taking part in its tournaments and WPT Marrakech has been no different. Last year Frenchman Christophe Savary outlasted 415 opponents to get his hands on the €377,262 first place prize but this year the field has almost been halved. That said, there is still more than a quarter of a million Euros up for grabs by the winner.

A number of big name professional players took part but failed to make it deep, including 2001 World Series of Poker Main Event winner Carlos Mortensen, Bertrand "Elky" Grospellier, Arnaud Mattern and David Benyamine. Of the survival nine players, the young German Dominik Nitsche is probably the most recognisable player, a youngster who has only been playing live for two years but has already amassed close to $700,000 in live tournament winnings, including a 23rd place finish at the recent EPT Barcelona.

Nitsche found himself down to just 5,000 chips during Day 2 after he ended up all in against Erik Tamm on a flop reading 9s-3d-4d whilst holding Ad5d for the nut flush draw but if failed to hit and he lost to Qh9h. He doubled up the very next hand with Ah5h against Pierre Daw's AsKd when he spiked a five on the flop and ha snot looked back since. He even went as far as eliminating his nemesis Tamm from earlier with QsQh versus AsQ and then busted two players out once the money had been reached, despite being a massive underdog. First his pair of nines flopped a set against Charles de Haas' jacks and then he hit a set of queens on the river against Phu Troung's aces with just 11 players left. Nitsche ended the day second in chips with a monster stack of 1,479,000.

Play has resumed at the Casino De Marrakech in the Es Saadi Gardens & Resport, with each of the nine players guaranteed to walk away with no less than €20,754 and the winner taking home €254,745. The players are currently seated as follows:

Seat 1: Felix Oberauer (Austria) - 499,000
Seat 2: Dominik Nitsche (Germany) - 1,479,000
Seat 3: Patrick Muleta (France) - 244,000
Seat 4: Sebastien Homann (Germany) - 1,539,000
Seat 5: Sebastien Comte (France) - 529,000
Seat 6: Johan Williamsson (Sweden) - 693,000
Seat 7: Guillaume Cescut (France) - 956,000
Seat 8: Guillaume de la Gorce (France) - 516,000
Seat 9: Julien Labussiere (France) - 210,000

Once again I apologise for the lack of promised updates but everything in Barcelona took its toll and I basically didn't have the time or energy to write anything that would have been worth reading!

During my very first day, I was warned that everyone feels like death by the time the tournament is over and I guess I didn't believe them. Well, it is true, death sums it up quite well, though I think I would have fared better had I stayed away from the Jack Daniels! I simply forgot how big the measures are abroad and got pretty wasted one of the nights, which was not the plan. In fact I was that pissed that I fell asleep on the bathroom floor with my head on the toilet after throwing up for what seemed an eternity. Amateur!

That spilled over to the following night because I was so tired all day working and I slept in the next morning. In a blind panic I jumped in the shower, got dressed and went to the casino. When there I emailed a client to say some work I had promised to do whilst I was away would be late. Three hours later I realised it was actually Saturday and therefore the work was not needed, seriously Matthew get a grip.

The final table was a bit of an anti-climax IMO, no real big name players and the fact we had to watch it on television screens detracted away from the whole event. Kent Lundmark of Sweden was the eventual winner, taking home €825,000 for his trouble, MBN.

I had all of Sunday to myself and the plan was to go see some of the sites but I was so worn out, and my feet have a couple of really sore blisters (I must have walked 20-30 miles this week) that I just couldn't be arsed. I walked into the centre of Barcelona, took a couple of photos, had a KFC and went back to the casino to pick up my bags and get a Joe Baxi to the airport, which cost me close to thirty quid. I had hoped that I would be able to check in quickly and go chill out in the departure lounge, maybe even have a small nap, but instead I sat there for more than five hours, had the worst burger ever made and by the time I got my boarding pass it was time to get on the plane!

All was going well until not one but two kids got on the plane, by kids I mean toddlers. One was about 18 months old, like one of mine, whilst the other was quite a small baby though it did have massive, fully functioning lungs, which it tested out every 15 minutes for the entire flight home! To make matters worse, the guy who ended up sitting next to me proper stunk of fish, so much so that I gagged when he first sat down. Luckily, the flight in seemed to fly by, pardon the pun, and after scraping a week's worth of ice off the car I was on my merry way home and back in my own bed rather quickly.

The late nights, early morning combos have left me feeling ill, plus I think I am coming down with some sort of bug as I feel sick and in need of a ton of sleep. My arrival back in the UK seems to have sent the kids off on one, by all accounts they were like little angels whilst I was away but they're pushing their luck today that is for sure!

So far I have had a proper coffee, some real bread and shortly I will be going for a poo and using double quilted toilet roll so won't feel like I have been interfered with like I did with the cheapo bog roll the plush hotel made available. Overall, I really enjoyed my time in Barcelona though I would have probably avoided the spirits if I did my time again. Next stop is Prague between December 13-18 so I better get packing my thermals!

As always, thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables!

Firstly, my apologies for not updating about Day 3 as planned, I have been rushed off my feet and decided that I really needed to have a sleep, shower and breakfast instead of writing what had happened.

So what has happened? Well I still haven't had a decent cup of coffee yet, the Spanish simply do not understand the concept of having a proper cup of coffee. I even looked up the word for large coffee, cafe largo, and all the stupid fish did was put a couple of drops of coffee into a big cup! I've left more in the bottom of the cup at home but to these guys this is a large coffee. They're also absolutely nuts about salt, everything is full of it. No wonder I've not seen any slugs.

Work-wise it has gone really well with some really positive feedback from all camps. The people I am working directly with, Lee and Dana, are great people. We're all completely different people form different walks of life but we share a common goal in producing good content. We've all hit it off from the start and continue to have a laugh and get everything done and I can honestly say they've made the trip more enjoyable. I'm knackered like, having done around 40 hours already this week but I'm still enjoying it so everything is good.

Still with work, live poker players are so frigging terrible it is not funny. The good players are very good but everyone else is complete tripe. Some of the plays you see day in day out just leave you thinking WTF but I followed one man yesterday who I thought was awesome, Bryn Kenney. Now say what you will about this controversial, brash bloke (Lee said he is the US version of Luke Schwartz) but the man is a genius. I watched him in hands a few times yesterday and he ran over his table, completely owned them and is now our chip leader with a massive 693,500 chips, more than three times the average stack.

We played from 400 players to the money bubble yesterday, with 112 players being paid. The atmosphere around the bubble was immense, nobody wanted to bust and the camera crews and media did not want to miss the fateful hand. Itr eventually burst at around 2330 when Koen de Visscher moved all in and was called by Andre Bucica. De Visscher held pocket queens but Bucica had the bullets, which held on a Kc-3d-Js-6s-6d board to send the room into raptures. Each of the players returning today is guaranteed to take home at least €7,500, with €825,000 up for grabs for the winner. The plan is to play to 27 or 24 players, which should take another 12 hours, no wonder I am a little like a zombie today!

Oh, guess what a bottle of Budweiser that costs €1.20 in the shops but the mini-bar charges you €5.50 for tastes like? Yeah, a chuffing €1,20 bottle. I finally succumb last night and swigged it but wish I hadn't bothered to be honest because it was quite a waste of money. I pissed in the sink to make it feel like I have got my money's worth!

Right, need to log off and meet Lee in the foyer so we can grab some food on the way to the casino. Until next time, thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables!

Well it is the morning after the night before and I am no longer a live reporting virgin, my batteries are recharged and I am ready to hit the casino floor once again.

Yesterday I woke up at 0630 and was ready to rock and roll. No nervousness at all, which was nice, so I had a crap and a shower and sat down to do some writing work that I still have to do despite being out here in Barcelona. That done, I jumped in the shower, stuck on some threads and went to see if I could use my Yorkshire charm to blag a free breakfast. No need to flutter my eyelashes though as the waitress informed me breakfast is included with my room! Result.

It is not the best breakfast food in the world but it does exactly what is says on the tin and that is it breaks the fasting. One thing that kind of worried me was the fact they had some sort of raw meat on display, which I thought was bacon you had to cook yourself but some Spanish dude scooped some up and started scoffing it! Christ no! That would not be my last encounter with raw meat today.

Finding myself with almost two hours to kill before we were due at the casino to register our details, I went for a walk around the marina, found the beach and more importantly, a Maccy D's! The area the hotel and casino is in, is obviously uber-rich and it is so clean compared to other cities I have visited. I've not seen a single discarded can, crisp packet or even a dog turd, try saying that about where you live.

Registration at the casino was painless, though I did attach my media wristband too tightly and it is now a little uncomfortable. Thank God we get new ones today, oh actually we don't, so I am stuck with a dayglow pink band around my wrist. Judging by some of the **** the folks around here are wearing they'll think it's cool and I'll be like the next Gok Wan!

Time flew whilst we were working, by we I mean Dana and Lee my little work buddies. Before I knew it nine hours had passed, though at this point I was starting to flag a little I must admit. I found counting the chips much easier as the stacks were smaller and although I struggled with some names at first, I soon got to recognise some of the players and most are friendly enough to give you a quick count and tell you their names etc anyway.

Whilst in the casino we were given a buffet pass for the dinner break and I was expecting your typical English buffet but it was nothing like. There was tons of choice, including more raw meat and even worse, bloody raw fish. Now each to their own but why would you eat raw fish? Come on guys, we put it in batter for a reason you know. Where do you draw the line? Do you go to Tesco and pick up a chop, take it out of the packaging and have a good chew? Or walk up to a cow and give it a lick. I'm all for the “when in Rome” malarky but in my opinion when in Spain, cook your frigging food! The worst thing about the uffet was the fact I had to leave the complementary bottle of red on the table without finishing it, I mean I had a small glass and it was gorgeous but I think it should be illegal to open a bottle of wine and not finish it. Arrest me, arrest me now.

By the time I actually finished doing my PokerNews stuff it was past 0100 and I was dead on my feet so hit the hay. I was dying for a beer but I would rather ferment my own pee than pay €6.50 for a bottle of Bud. I know we get a daily allowance but that does not mean I want someone to pull my pants down and give me a jolly good rogering now does it. I settled for a cup of tea, which I drank in my bed like the little Englander than I am.

I've a couple of things to tie up once this post is uploaded, including washing my fat body in the excellent rain-drop effect shower and shave my jowels, then it is off to the Casino de Barcelona for another 12-14 hour of poker reporting before it all starts again. Here's to cooked meats and properly priced beer!

As always, thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables!