HELLO AMERICA

I COULD RIDE A BIKE BEFORE I COULD SWIM ,I FOUND OUT I COULDNT SWIM WHEN I RODE MY BIKE IN A STRAIGHT LINE RIGHT INTO THE CANAL

THE MAN WHO FISHED ME OUT ,SAID HE HAD NEVER CAUGHT A HUMAN BEING BEFORE WITH JUST MAGGOT ON HIS HOOK

HE SAID DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW YUR RIDEING A BIKE IN THE CANAL IN THE DARK WITH NO LIGHTS ON ,I SAID YOU WANT TO GET ON THE STAGE YOU COMEDIAN

I read what you write, but prefer not to contribute. Unless you want to discuss baseball of course.

Your comment 'YOU CANT DRINK AWAY THE AMOUNT OF MONEY IVE LOST GAMBLING ,EVEN THOUGH SOME OF THE DAYS I HAD A GOOD TRY' is very poignant.

I SAID ARE YOU GOING TO FISH MY BIKE OUT FOR ME ,HE SAID NO ,IM GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE GETTING PEOPLE TO BELIEVE I CAUGHT A HUMAN BEING ,I DARNT TELL THEM I CAUGHT A B M X BIKE AS WELL

I CAN TALK ABOUT BASE BALL ,THE GIRLS ONE OR THE BOYS ONE

baseball is dull only to dull minds

FENWAY  THAT LINE  YOU WROTE is very poignent ,IS IT FROM A CONVERSATION BETWEEN MISTER TIGGER AND WINNEE THE POO

AS I KNOW IVE RED IT SOMEWGERE,WAS IT WHEN WINNIE COULDNT GET OUT OF HIS HOME ,BECAUSE HED EATEN TOO MUCH HONEY AND HE WAS TOO FAT

I used to read Winnie the Pooh when I was young

WHO SAID IT WAS DULL,I USED TO LIKE WATCHING THE GIRLS PLAY WITH THEIR BLOUSES TUCKED INSIDE THEIR NICKERS

Didn't we all, Do wah? Shame they couldn't hit the ball, but never mind.

FENWAY ,DONT BE BOTHERED WHAT THE GROWN UPS SAY ,IF YOU WANT TO READ THEM BOOKS YOU READ THEM ,

YOU DONT NEED TO ACT UP TO THEM ,AND PRETEND YOU LIKE STEPHEN KING BOOKS OR BOOKS LIKE HOW TO BUILD A SHELF IN THREE HOURS ,

YOU READ WHAT YOU LIKE

FENWAY YOU CAN TALK TO ME ANY TIME ,YOUR SAFE WITH ME ,IM ONLY LIKE A CHILD ,BUT IF YOU TALK ON MY THREADS PLEASE MAKE IT EASY TO UNDERSTAND FOR ME PLEASE

A fine sentiment, I enjoyed the Harry Potter books as well. and Enid Blyton.

I THINK YOU MIGHT GET ALOT OF NEW FRIENDS ON HERE NOW YOUVE COME OUT ,AND TOLD EVERYONE HOW YOU LIKE CHILDRENS BOOKS,SOME MIGHT WANT TO SWAP THEM WITH YOU ,BUT SOME WILL WANT TO STAY WELL CLEAR OF YOU ,IVE GOT TO GO NOW BUTTY HAPPY READING AND BUY BUY

Bye bye Do wah Diddy

BUY BUY AND THANK YOU ,YOUVE BEEN NICE TO TALK TO  BYE

A delightful thread..a joy

SOFEE YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE ME HAPPY

WHEN I HAD MONEY AND WENT TO FLORIDA ,I SANG RHINESTONE COWBOY ON THE CARRYOKEE,A TEXAN MAN CAME UP TO ME ,ANS SAID THAT WAS GREAT ,I WISH THEY COULD HEAR YOU IN TEXAS ,I TOLD HIM I WOULD  ASK THE D J TO TURN THE SOUND UP NEXT TIME I SUNG IT

EVERY TIME YOU SANG A SONG THEY GAVE YOU A FREE RECORDING OF IT ON TAPE,I HAD ENOUGTH TAPES TO MAKE 10 ALBUMS AT THE END OF THE HOLIDAY

PEOPLE WERE VERY WELL MANERED THEY ONLY CAME TO SEE ME ONCE ,TO GIVE EVERYONE ELSE A CHANCE TO SEE ME

THE HIGH LIGHT OF MY CARRY OKEE SINGING THERE ,WAS WHEN THE MISSOUREE OVER 70S DEAF SOCIETY ALL GOT UP DANCEING TO MY VERSION OF THE LORDS PRAYER

ONE LADY SAID I REMINDED HER OF THE MAN WHO PUT HIS HEAD IN THE LIONS MOUTH AT THE STATE FAIR IN 1947

I SAID DID HE SING ,SHE SAID NO HE SCREAMED WHEN THE LION SHUT HIS MOUTH

THE OLD LADY WAS VERY NICE ,ESPECIALLY WHEN I SAW HER FACE WHEN SHE PUT HER WIG ON THE RIGHT WAY ROUND

I SAID IS THAT YOUR HUSBAND WHO YOU WERE DANCEING WITH ,SHE SAID IM SORRY I DONT KNOW WHO I CAME WITH

SHE SAID WILL YOU HAVE THE LAST WALTZ WITH ME ,I SAID WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR HEART WILL PACK UP

SHE DANCED TILL 4 IN THE MORNING ,IT WAS A SHAME WHEN THEY TURNED THE MUSIC OFF AT 12

I SAW HER THE FOLLOWING MORNING I SAID DID YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP ,SHE SAID YES UNTILL MY HUSBAND WEED THE BED

SHE SAID I THOUGHT I WAS ON A CRUISE ,AND I HAD FELL OVERBOARD

I SAID IS HE IN CONTINENT ,SHE SAID HE DOESNT KNOW WHERE HE IS WHEN HES BEEN DRINKING

SHE SAID HES GOT LOADS OF MONEY ,I SAID DID YOU MARRY HIM FOR HIS MONEY ,SHE SAID NO ,I BOUGHT HIM THE PIGGY BANK ,HE SAVES DIMES IN IT AND ITS NEARLY HALF FULL

I SAID TO HER ITS BEEN NICE MEETING YOU ,I HOPE YOU LIVE HAPEELEE EVER AFTER ,SHE SAID SOON AS HE DIES I WILL

EXCUSE ME AMERICA DO YOU OWN THE MOON ,NOW THAT YOUVE STUCK A FLAG ON IT

I ONLY WANT TO KNOW IF ANY OF MY FRIENDS ARE GOING TO JUPITER FOR AN HOLIDAY ,I WANT THEM TO STICK A FLAG ON IT FOR ME

IM GLAD YOUR LEARNING AMERICA ,YOU WONT HAVE TO CHASE ANY INDIANS OFF THERE IF YOU WANT TO LIVE THERE

YOU WONT EVEN  HAVE TO KILL ANY MOONICANS IF YOU FIND OIL THERE

YOU CAN HAVE A PRISON THERE BETTER THAN ALCATRAZ ,NO WILL WILL ESCAPE BUT A FEW MIGHT FLOAT OFF TO ANOTHER PLANET

EXCUSE ME AMERICA BUT WERE THEM ASTRONAUGHTS DISSAPOINTED ,WHEN THERE WAS NO ONE TO GREET THEM WHEN THEY LANDED ON THE MOON ,I BET UNDER THEIR SPACE HELMET THEY SECRETLY THOUGHT THERE  MIGHT BE A CHANCE OF JUST AN ODD SPACE PERSON JUST WALKING ABOUT

IM SURE THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF THE MOON  EXPEDITION TOLD THE ASTRONAUGHTS TO KEEP LOOKING HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT WAS THERE

IF ID OF TOOK MY FAMILY TO THE MOON OR ANY OF MY FRIENDS THERE ,AND THEY HAD A LONG DANGEROUS JOURNEY AND ALL THEY SAW WAS A LOAD OF DUST

  THEY WOULD MOAN ALL THE WAY BACK ON THEIR JOURNEY

AND IF I GAVE MY MAM A PIECE OF MOON ROCK ,SHE WOULD HIT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH IT

IF I SAID THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO BRING YOU BACK ,SHE WOULD HAVE SAID YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST GOT ME SOMETHING FROM THE AIR PORT TERMINAL

ITS ONLY PEOPLE LIKE THEM  AND THEM THAT CLIMB EVEREST WHO GO TO PLACES LIKE THE MOON ,BECAUSE THEY CANT SIT DOWN IN A CHAIR AND ENJOY CORONATION STREET ,THEY CANT SIT STILL ,IM BEGINNING TO THINK LIKE MY MAM ,I TOO THINK THEY MIGHT HAVE WORMS

WHOD WANT TO CLIMB EVEREST OR GO TO THE MOON ,UNLESS THERE WAS SOMETHING UP WITH THEM

UNLESS THEVE NEVER BEEN ON A PROPER HOLIDAY

MAY BE THEY DONT WANT TO SWIM WITH THE DOLPHINS BECAUSE THERE SCARED OF THE WATER AND CANT SWIM

MAYBE THERE SCARED OF LYING ON THE BEACH AND GETTING SUN BURNT

ITS NO GOOD CLIMBING EVEREST OR GOING TO THE MOON ,TO PROOVE YOUR NOT SCARED OF SPIDERS ,AND PRETEND TO BE A MAN WHEN YOUR SCARED OF CREEPEY CRAWLIES

I WOULD ONLY GO TO THE MOON WHEN ITS BEEN DEVELOPED AND GOT PROPER TOILETS ,

IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE TOILETS IN UNDER DEVELOPED PLACES LIKE TUNISA AND GAMBIA

IM SURE SOME OF THESE FOREIGN PEOPLE WHO COME TO LIVE IN ENGLAND HAVE NEVER SEEN A PROPER TOILET ,AND THEY THINK THERE WATER WELLS

MY FRIEND IS A COUNCIL WORKER AND SAID HJE WAS CALLED TO A COUNCILL HOUSE ,AND THERE WAS A BUCKET WITH A LONG ROPE ATTACHED TO IT ,STUCK IN THE TOILET

IM NOT TELLING YOU WHAT WAS IN THE SINK

you ok Do wah

YES IM OK THANK YOU ,I WANTED TO GO TO CEASERS PALACE IN LAS VAGAS TO SEE CHER AND BOB DYLAN ,BUT THE AMERICANS KNOCKED IT DOWN AND DESTROYED IT ,I THINK THEY ONLY KNOCKED IT DOWN TO SHOW THEM ITALIANS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO THEM IF THEY STARTED ANY FUNNY BUISNESS

IVE ALLWAYS WANTED TO GO TO LAS VEGAS AND SEE THE SIGHTS,I WOULD LOVE TO SEE A ROULETTE WHEEL SPIN ROUND

I BELIEVE LAS VEGAS IS IN A DESSERT ,I MIGHT EVEN HAVE A RIDE ON A CAMEL

I BELIEVE YOU CAN SEE PEOPLE LIKE CHER AND BARBARA STREISLAND DOING THERE SHOPPING ,I WOULD STOP THEM AND ASK THEM WHERE THE BEST PLACE TO BUY APPLES IS

I BELIEVE THERES A SHOP IN LAS VEGAS THAT SELLS ELVIS PRESSLEYS HAIR ,I WOULD BUY SOME AND SEND IT TO ELTON JOHN AND SHOW HIM WHAT A PROPER POP SINGERS HAIR LOOKS LIKE

THEY HAVE A SHOW IN LAS VEGAS WHERE YOU CAN ASK CHER  QUESTIONS ,MY FRIEND ALBERT ASKED HER HOW MANY LOVERS SHE HAD HAD OVER THE YEARS ,SHE SAID THE SHOW WAS ONLY FOUR HOURS LONG AND HER MEMORYS NOT AS GOOD AS IT USED TO BE ,SHE SAID THE 4 HOURS WOULD ONLY COVER FROM 2009-2011,IF YOU WANTED TO KNOW THE REST HE WOULD HAVE TO COME BACK TO A DIFFERENT SHOW EACH DAY OF HIS 14 DAY HOLIDAY

ALBERT SAID I BELIEVE YOUVE BEEN WITH DONNY OSMOND ,SHE SAID SHED BEEN WITH MOST OF THE OSMONDS ,WHICH ONE WAS HE

SHE SAID THE LITTLE ONE MADE HER LAUGH WHEN HE SANG LONG HAIRED LOVER FROM LIVERPOOL TO HER  WHILE THEY WERE IN THE SHOWER TOGETHER

ALBERT SAID HE WANTED TO SEE DOLLY PARTON ON THE LAST NIGHT OF HIS HOLIDAY ,BUT THE SHOW WAS CANCELLED BECAUSE SHE GOT HER BUST CAUGHT IN THE LIFT DOORS ,I SAID COULDNT SHE SING ,HE SAID I DONT KNOW SHE HAD TO GIVE EVIDENCE TO THE POLICE ABOUT THE MAN FEELING HER BUST ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOORS

ALBERT SAID HE WAS ASKED TO BE A WITNESS AT A WEDDING THERE ,I SAID DID YOU GET TO KNOW THE COUPLE .HE SAID NO ,BUT THEY MUST BE IMPORTANT AS ELVIS PRESSLEY WAS THERE

I SAID HES BEEN DEAD FOR YEARS ALBERT ,HE SAID THATS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT ,BUT IF THE VICAR SAID THATS ELVIS PRESSLEY THEN THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME ,IM NOT CALLING A VICAR A FIBBER

I SAID TO ALBERT DID YOU SEE THE GRAND CANYON WHILE YOU WAS THERE HE SAID NO ,IT MUST NOT HAVE BEEN BUILT WHEN HE WENT

IF CHARLES DICKENS HAD WROTE THIS ,IT WOULD BE IN THE LIBARY AND THEY WOULD HAVE MADE A FILM ABOUT IT ,ITS A PITY I WASNT ONE OF THE DICKENS FAMILY

I CANT HELP IT MY FAMILYS  NAME IS  DIDDY

IVE BEEN MISSING FOR A WHILE ON HERE AND NO BODY HAS EVEN NOTICED IVE GONE ,I COULD BE DEAD AND BURIED ,AND ALL THEY DO IS PUT ANOTHER BET ON ,

  GET LOST YOU LOAD OF UNLOVEING SELFISH DEGENERATES

IVE BEEN MISSING FOR A WHILE ON HERE AND NO BODY HAS EVEN NOTICED IVE GONE ,I COULD BE DEAD AND BURIED ,AND ALL THEY DO IS PUT ANOTHER BET ON ,

  GET LOST YOU LOAD OF UNLOVEING SELFISH DEGENERATES

YOUR NO BETTER THAN THEM IN THE PUB WHO USED TO JUST KEEP DRINKING AND TALKING WHILE I SANG MY HEART OUT ON THE CARRYOKEE

Do wah....no one on this forum is more loved than you

THANK YOU SOFEE BUT YOU KNOW IM AN ATTENTION SEEKER ,AND I NEED TO BE REASSURED

Thread of the year

DwD uses lower case !!!!!!!!! * 05 Oct 22:04     

Nobody else seemed to pick up on this historic forum event .................. I ALWAYS THOUGHT HIS KEYBOARD WAS  PERMANINTLY  CAPS LOCKED ?

HELLO AMERICA ITS ME AGAIN ,I LIKE IT WHEN YOU ALL SING GOD BLESS AMERICA ,YOU COULD SING RHINESTONE COWBOY OR IM DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS BUT YOU CHOOSE TO SING GOD BLESS AMERICA ,AND PRESIDENT RAYGUN WAS THE BEST FILM  ACTOR  PRESIDENT IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD ,I BET ELIZABETH TAYLOR WOULD HAVE MADE A GOOD DEFENCE SECRETARY AS WELL

WHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD WOULD A FILM ACTOR HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE PRESIDENT OF A COUNTRY ,

YOU CAN BE BORN IN A LITTLE SHACK IN THE HILLS ,AND YOU ONLY NEEDBIG  BOOBS LIKE DOLLY PARTON TO BE A BIG STAR

YOUR THE BEST IN THE WORLD AT BASEBALL,IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PLAY A GAME IN YOUR COUNTRY THAT NO OTHER COUNTRY LIKED SO YOU COULD ALLWAYS BE THE BEST

YOU DID THE SAME WITH AMERICAN FOOTBALL,AND YOU EVEN WEAR HELMETS LIKE MOTOR BIKE RIDERS INCASE YOU FALL ON THE FIELD AND HURT YOUR HEAD

THE FIRST TIME I SAW AN AMERICAN FOOTBALL GAME I THOUGHT IT WAS AN EPISODE OF DYNASTY WITH THEM BIG SHOULDER PADS ,BUT I SOON REALISED THE PLAYERS WERE MEN WHEN THEY TOOK THEIR HELMETS OFF AND NOT WOMEN

I WANT TO GO TO THE PENTAGON AND COUNT HOW MANY SIDES THE BUILDING HAS

IVE ALREADY BEEN TO THE BRITISH MUSEUM OF BIRDS TO SEE IF IT WAS THE EGG OR THE CHICKEN THAT  CAME FIRST

I WANT TO TAKE THIS ONE STEP  FURTHER BY  GOING  TO THE  KENTUCKY INSTITUTE OF FOOD TO SEE IF IT WAS THE CHIPS OR THE CHICKEN THAT CAME FIRST IN THE KENTUCKY CHICKEN BARGAIN BUCKET

HELLO AMERICA ITS ME AGAIN DO WAH DIDDY ,IVE BEEN THINKING AGAIN DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHOS BEEN BITTEN  BY A RATTLE SNAKE .DID THEY CRY AND DID THEY LIVE OR DIE IN AGONY

DID THEY GET BITTEN WHEN THEY WERE PLAYING COWBOYS AND INDIANS IN THE HILLS ,OR AT A RATTLE SNAKE SANCTUARY

DO YOU GET MANY IN NEW YORK ,AND HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ONE IN A YELLOW TAXI


IM NOT STUPID I KNOW THEY DONT TRAVEL IN TAXES TO SEE THEIR FRIENDS ,BUT THEY MIGHT CLIMB IN TO GET WARM

I ONCE THOUGHT OF GETTING A SNAKE AS A PET WHEN I WAS SMALL ,BUT I ENDED UP WITH A BUDGEE INSTEAD AS YOU CAN LEARN THEM TO TALK AND FLY ON YOUR FINGER ,WHICH YOU CANT DO WIT A SNAKE

FANCY GOING FOR A WALK ON A NICE DAY TO SEE AN INDIAN RESERVATION AND GETTING BITTEN BY A RATTLE SNAKE .IT WOULD SPOIL YOUR DAY OUT

IS THE INDIANS FAV MEAL STILL BUFFALOE HEAD SOUP

I BELIEVE THE STRICT INDIAN PARENTS DONT LET THEIR CHILDREN WEAR WAR PAINT WHEN THEY GO TO THE LOCAL DANCES

DO THE INDIANS STILL WEAR THEM FEATHERS IN THEIR HAIR ,OR DO THEY THINK ITS A GAY THING THESE DAYS

IM SURE THEM INDIANS HAVE MISSED A TRICK BY NOT HAVEING A BIG CHIEF SITTING BULL HOLIDAY CAMP,WHERE YOU CAN STAY IN A TEE PEE AND RIDE HORSES AND LEARN HOW TO SCALP PEOPLE AND MAKE A BOW AND ARROW ,AND LEARN HOW TO MAKE A BEARSKIN WINTER COAT

THEY COULD HAVE SPECIAL TOTUM DANCE WEEKENDS

THEY COULD MAKE LOADS OF MONEY

One thing you have to say about North Americans when you watch tonight's show, they're not arrogant in any way - they're always keen to take on board quality advice, especially when it's being given by DwD.

thank you BONGO,

WHEN YOU GO TO FLORIDA ALL THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE VERY NICE TO YOU WHEN THEY SERVE YOU IN RESTRAUNTS ,BUT YOU CAN EASY MAKE THEM ANGRY ,YOU JUST DONT LEAVE TEM A TIP WHEN THEVE SERVED YOU AND THEY SOON CHANGE ,

EVEN IF YOU DONT LEAVR THEM A BIG TIP THEY TALK TO THEMSELVES ABOUT YOU UNDER THEIR BREATH,YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR IN A PHSYCO MOVIE

I LIKE THAT BRUCE WILLIS FROM DIE HARD ,HES A PROPER MAN YOU WOULD FEEL SAFE ON A ROLLER COASTER RIDE IF HE WAS SAT NEXT TO YOU

I ALSO LIKE THAT JOHN TRAVOLTA ,I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HIM ON STRICKLY COME DANCING ,I THINK HE WOULD WIN IT

AMERICA HAVE MADE SOME GREAT FILMS ,I THINK THEY HAVE SOME GREAT ACTORS ,I THINK ITS BECAUSE THEIR HEADS ARE FULL OF MAGIC AND MAKE BELIEVE

I STILL DONT KNOW WHY THEY WENT TO TE MOON ,BUT I DIDNT THINK ANY ONE WAS DAFT ENOUGH TO BUY BOTTLED WATER SO WHAT DO I KNOW

I THINK ALOT OF THESE FOREIGN COUNTRIES ARE SCARED OF AMERICA BECAUSE OF RAMBO

ALSO WHEN THESE AMERICAN GENERALS TALK THEY MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR TO THEIR POWER ,JUST LIKE WHEN I WAS SMALL AND SUSAN SMITH SAID HER BIG BROTHER WOULD BEAT ME UP IF I DIDNT DO WHAT SHE SAID