Spotlight Guide and Ratings for the all new ITV Racing Team

Richard ‘Ratpack’ Hoiles (Rating, 9) – consummate professional, has an extensive knowledge of sport and sporting philosophy.  Ratters understands how to engage an audience with an entertaining yet concise commentary style.  The UKs leading horse race commentator and a good capture for ITV.

‘Oily’ Bell (4) – proof incarnate that nepotism rules in British Racing.  Gone from tea boy to presenter at RUK, bluffing his way through each and every racing day.  At times strikes a remarkable physical similarity to a young Alan Partridge, hopefully one day soon he’ll drive to Dundee in his bare feet and stay there.

Mick ‘Ditzy’ Fitzgerald (1) – popular amongst his peers but causes a feeling akin to sea sickness in anyone else listening to his clichéd, uneducated spew.  One would think that a once accomplished jockey would be able to talk lucidly about the sport but he fails on every level to inform, educate or entertain.  Likely to single handily destroy any chance ITV Racing has of success.

Alice ‘Dunkett’ Plunkett (2) – can often be found in a frantic state after racing, asking anyone (who doesn’t run a mile on her approach) if they know where she has parked her car.  Far more organised in her interviewing technique, asking the same stock questions during every interview, heaven help her if she ever loses that postage stamp she has the questions written on.  Another nepotistic appointment and an utter waste of space.

‘Richtea’ Persad (6) – often belittled due to suggestions he has earned his success through the ‘diversity’ ticket, a suggestion that is grossly unfair.  Very strong in an anchor or continuity role Richtea has the ability to engage an audience without being patronising.  The BBC and C4 racing teams both failed to recognise just how valuable Richtea could be, hopefully ITV will utilise his strengths and not ask him to ‘multi-task’ where he isn’t comfortable.

Hayley ‘Head’ Turner (3) – or not.  Once fine jockey who was superior to many of her male colleagues.  Arguably been under utilised by British Racing, the BHA should have made her a focal point for the marketing of the sport years ago.  Perhaps Hayley’s subsequent appearances on ATR explain why that never happened, a wooden on screen presence that sends viewers into a soporific state of no return.  More likely to get viewers heads shaking than turning, just hope for some improvement but viewers should not under any circumstances hold their breath on this one.

Jason Weaver ‘Shark’ (6+) – Another ex-jockey but one who actually understands how to convey useful information to an audience.  For some reason Weaver Shark seems to prefer playing ‘Hardy’ to Luke Harvey’s ‘Laurel’ in a toe curling slapstick double act, rather than branch out on his own as a serious racing pundit.  However he is a rarity in that he can engage both the serious racing enthusiast and the punting man in the street.  Could be a very good signing for ITV and rate higher but the jury will have to remain out for now.

‘Puke’ Harvey (5+) – Arguably the worst jockey to ride under rules in the last 50 years, picture the Harry Enfield jockey sketch and there you have it.  Not a blue blood like many in the team, more the runt of the litter.  Luke doesn’t act the clown as he is a clown, jumping out at viewers on ATR with an unsettling gurning expression.  However his appointment might just work when one considers how chemistry, conflict and flawed characters underpinned the success of the Channel 4 racing team of the 1990s.  Luke does have the ‘common touch’ and the ability to engage and frustrate in equal measure.  With his sense of humour and Weaver at his side he could potentially draw in a non-racing public which is more than most of team will do.

Brian Gleeson (4-) – hard to know what Gleeson brings to the table.  Perhaps he will take the role of bookies stooge, interviewing bookie reps and relaying stories of fantasy bets ‘laid’ by the firms.  Perhaps his inclusion is for ‘t’Oirish’ angle but surely there isn’t that much he could contribute as information is widely available all over t’internet.  More likely Brian is there just to reassure viewers bewildered by Mick Fitzgerald that not all Irish people are daft.

Sally Ann Grassick (?) – who?  OK just Googled images, now I understand.  It is likely Sally is there to reassure viewers bewildered by Mick Fitzgerald that not all Irish people look and sound like him.  Seem to remember that she used to hack round the racecourse on the odd mount; hopefully Sally will prove to be the dark horse of the team with a big future.

Lanfranco ‘Frankie’ Dettori  (7) – sporadic appearances on racing programmes over the years suggest Frankie is a very good appointment here.  The public love him and he also appeals to the racing enthusiast, his unpredictable behaviour can only enhance the viewing experience.  Strikes one as someone who doesn’t suffer fools gladly, something he will have to overcome as part of this team.  Fingers crossed ITV don’t make him stand on a box and morph him into the new Willie Carson.

Victoria Pendleton (3) – smashing lady, very popular with the public and with good reason.  What she is doing as part of this team heaven only knows, once her limited knowledge of horse racing is exhausted she runs the risk of becoming a parody of a great Olympian, let’s hope not.

Lucy Verasamy (?) – ITV weather girl, will add some much needed class to this shower.  Will almost certainly provide weather reports that contradict the forecast available via the BHA website and other weather related media, thus confusing both experienced and novice punters alike.  Viewers will be lambs to the bookies slaughter with the bewitching Lucy leading the way.

Ed Chamberlain (8) – Ex Sky football anchor and racing fanatic.  Has the skills and knowledge to become the second best current TV horse racing presenter (behind Lyds obv).  Presumably Ed had a significant input into the membership of the ITV team, which could prove his undoing.  Jobs for the boys is all very loyal and all but sometimes Ed you just have to be strong and jettison the deadwood, you could have removed Fitzgerald from terrestrial screens which would have won you immediate plaudits and potentially a Knighthood (even HM hits mute when Ditzy appears, a split second late and those corgis howl).

Sara Cumani (5+) – has form presenting C4 Racing back in the day but has been absent for years, they never come back after such a layoff, do they?  So posh she is unlikely to appeal to the public but as one of the ‘racing establishment’ adds some much needed credibility to the team.  Perhaps Dunkett has in reality been employed as her valet (although she would be 1.01 to mess that up)?  Viewers are likely to see an impressive return to action from Sara but let’s hope she holds her form and doesn’t ‘bounce’ in exasperation of her lesser team mates.

Matt ‘Tangoman’ Chapman (8+) – the marquee signing who could make or break the whole shebang.  After years of dull betting reports on C4 by the hapless bookies stooge Tanya ‘The Female’ Stevenson we finally have a passionate racing fanatic who can genuinely fill the shoes of Big Mac.  Tangoman tells it how it is and is far more interested in transparency than protecting reputations.  Hopefully he will be utilised at set pieces outside of the betting ring as Matt is also a very knowledgeable and entertaining interviewer.   Very much a ‘Marmite’ character at first encounter but capable of winning over the doubters.  His agent will no doubt be busy as a consequence of terrestrial TV exposure, watch out for Tangoman opening a betting shop or Nisa Supermarket near you soon.  The long term aim for Matt will be to appear wearing giant orange skiddy y-fronts in a reality TV house on another minority TV channel...

Brough Scott MBE (6) – a very shrewd signing here and one that demonstrates that despite evidence to the contrary ITV are taking this project seriously.  There is no one better to guide ITV and Ed than Scott, who will provide valuable off camera assistance as well as his network of contacts.  We have to trust that Scott is not here to (impossibly) fill a ‘Noble Lord’ role but to provide set piece insights into the sport and forthright views on the Political side of horse racing.  Definitely better in print than visual media nowadays but Scott remains a horse racing journalist of the highest calibre.

Mark ‘Shouty Man’ Johnson (4) – wakes every morning wearing a cowboy hat and a burning resentment of not being born an American.  Everything this man does he tries to Americanise in one way or another, including his much maligned commentaries.  In fact his commentaries are technically first rate, building the tone and tempo of the race to a shouty crescendo where the winner will be christened ‘by far the best’.  Sadly though his commentaries in no way relate to what is actually happening on the track, you may as well be watching Kabbadi for all the sense the commentary makes to the action, which is a pity.


VERDICT – perming together the higher rated members of the team into a raceday outfit could pay dividends and make an entertaining ITV racing programme, sadly though this is unlikely to happen.  Ed will always want to play his very own ‘Djimi Traore’ as he just doesn’t see where the weakness lies.  ITV racing will likely be consigned to the dustbin should Bookie advertisements be banned during the show (as rumoured).  Likewise the regular inclusion in the line-up of Ditzy, Dunkett, Oily, Head Turner and Pendleton will also result in an inevitable death, albeit a slower one as viewers turn off in droves till only Ed’s Sky+ remains.

Thunder: hope you were joking when you hailed utterly pompous Brough Scott as a possible saviour  of the already doomed ITV experiment. May we please not forget that this arch Tory vilified the stall handlers' efforts to get a decent living wage, declaring that market forces should dictate what the wage should be, despite the jockeys (even the top ones) declaring their support for the striking handlers, not least because they were worried about their own safety if the handlers were replaced by nightclub bouncers whose only only knowledge of racehorses was gained in the local bookies.

Well Brough and his scummy Tory Arena pals succeeded in sacking the lot and then rehiring the desperate handlers at massively lower rates.

One of Racing's most shameful and darkest deeds!

Oily looks like a young Scott Walker imo!

Whats disgusting about him?

Very annoying when people say Chapman tells it as it is. He does when its foreign jockeys or apprentices. When does he ever point out a poor ride from his Twitter buddies or trainers like Elliott who he's 'just got a text off'?

As previously stated, no Jimbo or Cunningham will leave the well dry when trying to get a proper 'write up' of any race imo.

The cast are Inclusive and Diverse, well done ITV.

We should all be overjoyed that despite much sycophantic rambling and shameless brown nosing of ITV the odious Derek 'Toilet' Thompson (time form squiggle) has been kept away from this project

George...good list though I love big mac think his days have gone

Cardiff: don't worry about lovable  Big Mac being omitted - if all else fails the Hairy One can always return to his 'Have Bicycle Will Travel' Super Glue venture

Hang on, I forgot about Ken Pitterson for expert paddock analysis, make that a Top 11

Oh, I REALLY hope they drop this dreadful fashion thing and just concentrate on the racing!

Will they resurrect the ITV7 bet I wonder?

It is most likely that the best candidates for itv roles were approached...but declined,after perusing the new line-up.
Francome,Luck,Hislop,and even McCoy (who was probably 1st choice but unfortunately having declined left the door open for Fitzgerald to enter as the NH expert), are notable absentees.

Mully - I asked exactly the same question earlier in this thread.

whats the point of the interview ,theres hrs and hrs of coverage out there to show what they can do and bring to the tv,but you can guarentee that all those interviewed came across as the next david frost,dimbelby,in most walks of life these days interviews have zilch to do with a persons suitability to do a job,

r martinzez interview was to explain what tactics he,d use to overturn belgums defeat in the euro,to the man in the street all rather pointless if the opposition manager isnt there to say how he,d counteract it,but thar ya go,the bloke in charge before him probably got the job saying how he,d reverse the previous managers defeat, mind boggling