3rd  8/1

STAGE ONE  102PTS (£3060)
STAGE TWO  17PTS   (£510)

Madhatters

A Young woman had been taking golf lessons from Madhatters. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.The pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse.

Madhatters saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee."

"Where?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole", she replied.

Madhatters nodded knowingly and said, "I was going to tell you, your stance is too wide."

Unp

Chopper, Mr Hunt and Emma Spencer were sitting together in a train carriage going to the races. Suddenly, the train went through a tunnel and, being one of the older-style trains with no carriage lighting, it went completely dark.

Then there was a kissing sound, followed by the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Emma and Chopper were sitting as if nothing had happened, and Mr Hunt had a nasty red slap mark on his face.

Mr Hunt was thinking: " Chopper must have kissed Emma and she missed him and slapped me instead."

Emma was thinking: "Mr Hunt must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed Chopper and got slapped for it."

Chopper was thinking: "I'm sick of that bastard asking me to post my bets. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that **** again."

Madhatters[:grin:
]Nothing wrong with a little EW action now and again, variety is the spice of life..

STAGE ONE  102PTS (£3060)
STAGE TWO  15PTS   (£450)

Mid life crisis

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.
The 70 year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
The 80 year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
The 90 year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, and at eight I crap like a cow."
"So what's your problem?" ask the others.
"I don't wake up until nine!"[:x]

NR

Eshtyaaq 5-15 Chester  7/2  2pts

I'm sticking to the same race with the same formula of a fancied top weight, I thought it was a toss up between Amazing King and my choice and with the former 10lbs above last winning mark Cathy Gannon looks primed to get Eshtyaaq off the mark following his nk 2nd in a class 3 last time out.

Eshtyaaq  2nd

Trumpet Major  4th of 4

Unlucky to come up against the Robsterwise shorty today BL

already on pal..great minds etc

[:)] new trainer 1st run wd Billy Liddell you are a legend.

Dubara Reef 3-20 Catt  9/1

1pt ew

Morning Billy lad, GL today pal but he's personally not for me. Having browsed over that race it was alarming to read that every race he's taken in (admittedly some in better class) since last August going over his optimum 14F, he's been beaten out of sight. Paul Green showing a sign of a form revival, but even with SDS up he's got it all to do. Hope he does it for you.

Thanks lads, we'll find out in a few minutes..

TUDOR PRINCE Wolves 9-10   11/2  2pts

Tudor Prince has appeared on this thread before and is well drawn tonight for one that likes to run just behind the leaders, now 10lbs below last winning mark which was nearly two years ago but next win won't be far off..

Captain Scooby  Car 3-10   13/2

Good afternoon Billy, Captain Scooby has his chance no doubt, I'd have preferred to see the underfoot conditions a little softer before joining in with yeh, similar to School Boy Champ a couple of hours later, with any prefix of soft in the described going I would have seriously considered them.  Just hope the ground is on the slower side of good for your selection as he hasn’t won without the previously mentioned prefix in the going, and seemingly it’s a good f/cast at Carlisle today.  GL

Ran a funny sort of race Billy, without a doubt would have finished in the minor money with a clearer passage, not SDS's finest ride to put it mildly. Judged on that effort he is shaping like a win off his current mark of 65 should not be that far away given suitable conditions.

Very unlucky Billy, thought he had it. Think the lad's claim just tipped the balance.

Lucky Numbers has a nice draw in stall 4 for his style of running, all wins have come when just sitting off the front runners and taking it up at the businees end. The ground should be spot on and his mark of 83 is now below last winning mark of 85..

very unlucky, but surely you made a nice few quid

dont worry, there will always be a hills mug we can lay!