Had a letter the other day demanding that I attend Bridgwater hospital to have a flexible sigmoidoscope stuck up my arse without anaesthetic. This is apparently their way of celebrating the fact that I've turned 55.

Their reasoning is that it's a mere 150/1 against dying of bowel cancer, and if they could stick this instrument up everybody's arse, then follow up on the 1 in 20 patients with a polyp by sticking a colonoscope much further up their arse to look for more polyps, then cutting away every one of them, 'cos 1 in 15 MAY be cancerous, then they may get the death rate due to bowel cancer down to 1 in 300 from 1 in 150.

That's assuming of course that everyone follows up by regularly posting in samples of their sh1t from 6 consecutive days every few years for further analysis, then following up any trace of blood with more colonoscopy, 'cos 1 in 15 of those positive tests may be for a polyp, of which  1 in 15 may be cancerous.

And I'm supposed to be grateful that I live in Somerset and get offered this for free.

Imagine getting the bus into Bridgwater - that's bad enough. But expecting people to embark on the 3-decade journey to the end of their life with a continual series of hospital appointments, tests, worries, health scares, false positives and internal bleeding and bowel perforation from non-stop arse-probing ... that's just sick.

Have filed the appointment in the wastepaper bin, and that's where every invitation for any kind of health screening is going.

Yes. It would make the bus ride from Taunton to Bridgwater interesting.

he swallowed the bottle

Any side effects from taking Allopurinol?

It says here that you shouldn't drink when you take it as either.

https://www.drugs.com/allopurinol.html

Of course this doesn't compare to the health declining as you get old. However, realising you are old enough to be the dad of a young woman you get talking to is enough to make you

Cellophane Factory!

Only one Guy Trumps what you have done...

Hilary

What you all forget is a tenner costs the same as a twenty or fifty its a piece of paper that is a promise that can
never be fulfilled..

Capt__F

remember a girl asking me to kiss her where it stinks

could'nt be bothered to drive to Bridgewater

An old one, but still a good 'un.

The British Cellophane factory in Bridgwater's closed now though. If you want to experience the traditional Bridgwater smell, you need to get on the bus to to Bridgwater hospital, which will be full of 55-year-olds on their way to having their arses probed and still expelling the effects of the enemas they took an hour previously.

casemoney  •  October 30, 2016 1:07 AM GMT 
I have made Mistakes We all Have, why go Back we would only make different mistakes ,

That is true case,
but it also depends on how big a mistake we make.

Some we get over, some we don't, plenty of dead motorists, would love to go back and make a different decision
if they were still here to say it.

I am glad you are reasonably happy with your lot case
I should be happy with mine, it could be worse, a lot of people are worse off than me, but it is hard to forget some things.

you have to make sure your wife outlives you so try and marry a younger model when you take the plunge.

scandanavian_haven    30 Oct 16 10:43 
I would rather die from bowel cancer than have any kind of preventative measures taken that included shoving anything up where the sun doesn't shine. I hope that doesn't sound homophobic.


What an utterly ridiculous statement.
You'd rather DIE from bowel cancer ? Have you any idea what suffering this causes to a human being.?
And you'd welcome this kind of death ( and have  your family share this), when a simple 5 min examination could save your life ?

Unbelievable nonsense.

fact, read screaming's post 19:32, it's virtually pointless.

I'm not going to go around securing myself against death in every which way possible for the rest of my life trying to avoid the inevitable, that we all die.

There is more chance I will die trying to cross the road. Maybe I should develop a shock absorber body suit and wear that every time I go out just in case.

"Simple 5-min examination"

An enema, appalling diarrhoea, then travelling to the hospital in that state. CO2 is pumped into your bowel, mimicking the effect of trapped wind. The booklet they send indicates a minimum 20-minute probe, assuming no polyps are actually spotted. It also claims 80 out of 100 patients find it no more than mildly painful and only 3 out of 100 severely painful. Translation: 1 in 5 procedures is painful or severely painful. There are plenty of accounts online by women who claim it was far worse than childbirth.

And, the booklet goes on cheerfully, it's only rarely that you will suffer severe bleeding or a perforated bowel. Minor bleeding is common, so don't worry about it unless it persists. Yeah right.

Minimum time to be allowed: half a day.

And it's completely ineffective unless any polyps are followed up with a full colonoscopy under anaesthetic, for which there are definite physical risks. But that will still miss a third of polyps.

Polyps which have become adenomatous are ones which MAY, years later, in 1 in 15 cases, go on to be cancerous. They are extremely common. But bowel cancer itself is not, never mind death from bowel cancer.

And to reduce the death rate, you have to follow up this initial test every two years with further colonoscopy, if tests of your sh1t show up the slightest trace of blood, even though this is far more likely to be due to haemorrhoids, irritable bowel or eating beetroot. And if you happen to have been consuming more vitamin C than usual, blood will not show up, so you're in the realm of false negatives. Get persistent diarrhoea, and if you've been screened, then possible bowel cancer will go down to the bottom of your doctor's list.

I could go on, but basically I am not giving up my life now to worry, tests, surgery, false positives, false negatives, anxious waits for results, bus trips to Bridgwater, hospital waiting rooms and just general misery.

There is insufficient evidence to claim cancer screening saves lives, argue experts in a report published in The BMJ, who call for future studies to assess the impact of cancer screening on overall mortality rather than disease-specific mortality alone.

According to Vinay Prasad, assistant professor at Oregon Health & Science University, and colleagues, despite most studies finding a reduction in disease-specific mortality with cancer screening, few have shown reductions in overall mortality, and some have even found an increase in overall mortality.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/304706.php

To put it in plain English, just as many people die who have not been screened for cancer as those who have. They just die of different things instead. As noted above, in the post on prostate cancer, post-mortems show that vast numbers of men die WITH prostate cancer. But they didn't die OF it. They simply had no idea they had it, other than getting caught short sometimes.

"We encourage health care providers to be frank about the limitations of screening - the harms of screening are certain, but the benefits in overall mortality are not. Declining screening may be a reasonable and prudent choice for many people."

I've never learnt to drive, live 3 miles from town and own a dog, with whom I walk (fast) 7 or 8 miles a day between betting shops. I drink alcohol perhaps 3 or 4 times a year and haven't smoked since 1991. I'm 5' 11" and take 30" waist on my trouser, and still need a belt. I have no objection to other people living differently, but don't try and make me feel I also have to go and have go and have (literally) the same tube stuck regularly up my arse as goes up theirs.

I found a grey public hair the other day; besides being mortified i yanked another 20 out trying to snaffle the bastard..

sounds like  they always put the cam down  before going up  ,a sensible routine imo

The stool test looks for blood in the stool.
Blood in the stool is quite common. There are many reasons for this. Cancer is simply one of them.

In fact there are 32 conditions associated with bloody or red coloured stools.

sounds like  they always put the cam down  before going up  ,a sensible routine imo

It is usual, but not always.

Rest assured that if they do go up before going down, they'll give the camera a swill under the tap in-between.

If you are of a nervous disposition, don't eat beetroot. HTH.