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Jed Slowmartzian invented and patented this anti-Slowmartzian device, much to the chagrin of the Eastern Slowmartzian family, who put out a "Sloddo-Slowmartzian" hit on him while he was at the Lingfield All-Weather track, doing a scientific study on the supposed draw bias.
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*NOTE - The Eastern Slowmartzian family were not really Slowmartzians at all - they were really Smiths from Reading, but they were intent on claiming Jed Slowmartzian's fortune by foul means.
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The proof that this is all true is that there really are Smiths in the Reading phone directory.
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But the drawer bias issue remained unsolved – did people prefer the right hand draw or the left and whereabouts should the untensils go?
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In a straw poll of 1000 horses, 46% said the knives should go on the right, the forks in the middle, and the manure shovels on the left.
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The other 54% disagreed; "Neigh", they said!
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'Have you got any marmalade?' he asked , hopefully
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All 1000 horses said "neigh" to the marmalade; they much preferred cereals for breakfast, and also liked to nibble on carrots, which was OK as the carrots didn't seem to mind, except for a small minority of politically correct carrots who demanded equal rights for carrots, which didn't work out too well as the carrots' jockeys kept falling off, and one transvegetable carrot who insisted it was really a parsnip trapped in a carrot's body and wanted everyone who called it a carrot to be arrested and prosecuted for hate crime.
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'I wasn't talking to you ' he said, dismissively and turned to commence his intercourse with the naked leggy blue eyed blonde who had welcomely materialised , holding a carrot in a suggestive pose.
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It's soooooo easy to be wise he told his missus. Just think of something stupid to say..............and DON'T SAY IT.
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There was a sound os silence- and then , as if from afar, the unmistaken satisfying slurpy 'pop' of the opening of an Oxford marmalade jar
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The peel of marmalade could be heard miles away
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It could be heard as far away as Cambridge, where the Cambridge marmalade jars were in intensive training for the annual Oxford/Cambridge marmalade race, but Oxford sabotaged the Cambridge crew by stealing the cox's pippins, much to the cox's displeasure.
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