Off to Thailand for first time next week

I spent two years out there - your 'butterfly' remark has got me going.  Because I was so young I had nice skin and they called me cherry boy - wow!!! What an education for a guy off an english council estate.  It changed me forever.  Must go - one of my suspenders is digging into my ar$e!!!

"I just think of dirty old men whenever someone says their off to Thailand"
Over half a milllion Brits visit Thailand each year.
I've been over 20 times ...I love the place .
Big problem now though is all the "young dumbs" now going treat it like Ibiza just want to get pished and get into fights !
Preeks !

This is already turning into a quite magnificent thread.

A true meeting of minds, which along with the 'favourite category of porn' thread gives hope that 2016 might yet see Chit Chat regain some of its former prestige.

I much prefer Samui to Phuket (others will disagree), but it's easy enough to get from Samui to Phuket, so enjoy both while you're over there.

Definitely make yourself aware of the many scams before you go. Jet Ski is one amongst many. Also, Beware of over friendly long term expats too! Loads info out there (eg ThaiVisa site)

Get yourself a dual sim phone, and a thai sim card upon arrival. It proves useful if/ when you make new 'aquaintances'.

Be careful hiring motor bikes / scooters. Really careful !! They're cheap and everything is ok - unless you come off, then the shyte really hits the fan - then you'll see the other side of Thailand - The corrupt side (I speak from experience).

Warnings over, so just go and have a great time. It's a nice place with some great beaches and some 'lively' nightlife.

just on that subject, I read that folk from UK don´t need a visa, is that right?

Used to be free for about 30 days but might have changed now - you also could get it on arrival at the airport, might be a queue --- check on the thai embassy website for London

Less time faffing with visas and clearing customs at the airport gives more time for carnal activities.

I'm okay as I slip through the Thai passport section with the wife, downside is I cant do what your gonna be doing, watched like a hawk am I.

RE Visa,  you should be given a "visa waiver" card to fill in before you land in Thailand. There are 2 sections to fill in for arrival and departure. Make sure you fill it in correctly as it will save you any hassle as you hand it in at passport control. This visa waiver allows you to stay in Thailand for 30 days. If you overstay by only a day or two this should be not too much of a problem (**disclaimer: this info could change at short notice**) as on your departure from Thailand you will be directed to the "overstay office" as you go through passport control and you have to pay a fine for each days overstay (not sure how much, but I think it is 500B for each day over your 30 days.

If you intend to stay in Thailand for more than 30 days you could always apply for a 60 day tourist visa from the Thai embassy in London or one of the Thai consulates in the UK (the 2 I know of are in Hull and Birmingham)




PS

TiptheOdds this sounds great and something i would love to do in the future. Only thing that is stopping me is the "stigma" of going to a place like this on my own. Daft really.

Anyway would be be great if you started a blog on your trip uploading photos etc so us Thailand wannabes could see what it is like.

Good luck mate

I believe if you are a foreigner and involved in a road accident it will always be your fault because obviously the accident only occured because you were there.

That one might be a good idea in the UK now I think about it.

May sound obvious but ...
don't in any way get involved in drugs lots about but if you get caught could be Life Imprisonment mate.
Bang Kwang prison also known as the Bankok Hilton is not a nice place...

great fishing thread by the serious crime squad. Arrests imminent.

hitmanhearn    29 Dec 15 16:03 
I hate people who play the dirty pls man card. Such a shallow thing to say usually by people who've never been anywhere.

I hate it when people say 'I hate people' based on them saying one thing, and then come out with sh!te like 'it's because they've not lived.'

Congratulations on having had someone accept payment from you in order that you could have sex with them though. Really, well done!

Hi AFTERTHOUGHT...
having visited Thailand more than 20 times (lost count) ..been going on and off since the mid 19080's just love the place !
I wandered into the "no hands bar" in Patpong ...what a laugh..can you imagine I was sitting next to an American girl in her late 20's skirt up around her waist also getting some treatment ...
We normally do 2 -3 weeks in Pattaya (we have mmany friends there) ..then a few days in Bangkok...staying either at the Oriental, or Shangri-La ...(and Royal Cliff in Pattaya). 
I mean having breakfast on the Terrace at the Oriental overlooking the Chao Phraya river watching all the long tail boats zooming about ...life doesn't get any better than that !
(at the time the Oriental Bangkok was voted the No.1 Hotel in the World).
Then trip up river in a long tail boat to the crocodile farm/zoo.
We also visit Pantip Plaza for all the electrical goodies, computer software etc ..and the World Trade Centre for shopping...plus few other places ..also wife loves the shopping at the evening Patpong market.
If I'm there with some of my local mates ..Nana Plaza, Soi Cowboy or good old Patpong at night.
As I play guitar ....I also play guitar in a Band (stand in) in Pattaya the say ..Ahhh it's Eric Crapton cos I play wonderful tonight...

Some convincing arguements for swerving the place

Bangkoks similar in size to London. Plenty to see and do besides the local brass

Not sure why anybody goes to Thailand now when Vietnam is a much better place.

Yes Rock I have had many good times there - like you I have forgotten how many times I went and some of the mad things I got up to.

Couldn't afford to stay in the hotles you are talking about - I went more native - On Koh Samui I had a wooden hut for £2 a night, just a bed and a fan but it was right on the beach and near the 'shroom' restaurant'. Used to stay in guest houses (small hotels) up Sukhumvit road area, near Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy.

I used to travel all over, buses, trains, mini bus or planes (when I had the kids with me as some bus trips were 10+hrs and they suffered with travel sickness), all pretty inexpensive.

Many years ago I went to an Island called Koh Lanta, nothing there but a few bungalow resorts, no transport on the Island, you just asked someone for a lift, small island and a coule of roads. It was new year and everywhere was full, no rooms until after new year - guy who gave us a lift inhis pick up said he had a beach bar and we could sleep there if we wanted to - it was just a beach bar, wooden shack Thai style on the beach.

After two nights we found a room, just a fan room, whole place was powered by a generator which was switched off at midnight, great fun after midnight, no electricity, not even the fan, everyone had a tilly lamp to walk around - also spent two nights is a wooden shack built by some Aussie guy who came and never went home for 3 years, it was derelict in the jungle but a girl at reception knew where it was took us there, me and my Thai girlfriend at the time dossed there for a few nights, 30Baht a night, all we had was a wooden bed - great fun trying to light a tilly lamp p*ssed and trying not to catch the hut or jungle on fire, I would do it all over again if I had the chance

I'm Okay in Bangkok now as my in-laws live there, they take us out locally and it's really cheap, one night I paid £10 for all four meals and we ate a lot.
Trouble is I can't afford to go - I am saving as best I can, wifes mother is very old now, she has only seen her two grand-daughters once when they are about 18months old - and my eldest is now 19yrs. Thai women are emotionally tough as nails.

I do like Bangkok but end up very tired after 3 or 4 days - its less tiring now cos I am unable to be wild like I used to be, I have still got it in me to give it some but my misses knows the score as most birds in Thailand do and will not let me out of her sight.

Lads in the pub never believed me that you could tell the wife you were just popping out for an English newspaper early morning, have a quick jump and then be back before she'd had time to get dressed (I expect quite a few European wives have fallen prey to that tactic) - the lads belive me now they have been and seen it for themselves.

I have mate with a Thai wife who has been out threre a long time now, he is doing the English teaching thing, never had any qualifications other than being able to speak English, got a job at a local University through a friend of a friend, no work visas or things like that required. He's still there and has no plans to come back.

My nephew has also been there for 5 years, he is working in a hotel on Phuket - all his Uncles stories must have infected him, he actually went and lived in Jomtein beach and got his diving qualifications, he can teach if he wants to, but he then took one of those TEFL courses to learn to teach English, they sent him up North to a few Thai schools to teach after he qualified but was not a Thailand veteran and thought it was too quiet, also he did not have a Thai girlfriend at the time which I thought would have been better for him.

Anyway somehow he got a job at this hotel (friend of a friend again I think), he is customer liasion manager, he's a sort of middle man between the guests and the hotel staff. Does'nt pay well but lives there and has no intention to come back, nothing here for him but debt and a police state. He's met a nice Thai girl (I never met a bad one out there) and is getting married on Samui in March - wish I could afford to go but I just can't afford it now with a whole family to pay for.

The no hands bar I mentioned was in Pattaya, I forget where exactly, I think it was near So Post Office or maybe near Soi 6 up past the middle road.

I know Patpong, Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy - I wish I could find my old photos, I remember my firt visit having my picture taken outside some go-go bars called '**** Alive' and '**** Galore' somewhere in Patpong but I am talking about 1990 here.

My fIrst visit was for my 30th birthday, f*ck me I was well away, talk about putting the Fox in charge of the Chickens. Many a time I have woken up somewhere in Bangkok and I had no f*cking clue where I was - just jumped on a motorbike taxi back to the hotel. Have woken up in some real weird places.

Woke up one morning, looking around all I could see was that I was in some corrogated hut, it was like a greenhouse, bird was still asleep - I jumped out of bed and walked across to what looked like a window, I pushed the two wooden shutters open and all I could see was a Shanty town, rows of wooden huts with corrogated roofs. The bird offered to take me back to my hotel on her bike, to get to it I had to walk along all these plank walkways between the houses, Bangokok is a bit like Venice, it's gradually sinking. This place was relaly liek somethign you see in the movies, its great when you walk through these kind of places as the locals are all looking and laughing at you.

Got to the hotel and asked for room key and they said my mate had checked out and had taken all the safety deposit box stuff with him, we were on a tour and I forget that we had a coach transfer to Pattaya. There I am with 100Baht, no passport, no f*ck all and I did not even know where or how far Pattaya was.

The bird spoke good English, in typical Thai style she said 'Mai Pen Ly'(No Problem), she took me to the coach station (Ekamai) on her bike, she explained there was acoach that went to Pattaye, 3 hrs and the fare was 90Baht - f*cking unbelievable, if I had been skint I dare say she would have paid for me - thats the kind of people they are.

Of course there are bad Thais but like most countries the majority are good people.

I often stayed with a girl for the whole trip on later visits, it has a lot of benefits, visited many girls homes in the real Thailand, mostly up North East cos that's the poorest area and that's where most girls come from. Really nice up there (my wife's from up there), quiet and friendly, although one time near Khon Kaen the police came and questioned me, girlfriend said they were suspicious I was up there for drugs, they never get tourists up there. Wherever I went many had never seen a foreigner (farang)before, every where I went you kept hearing 'farang','farang', I am sure you know it's not an offensive term.

Money goes a lot further when you are out of the tourist resorts, lucky to spend a fiver on beer and 5 meals a day in mother in laws town.

I fell out of love with Pattaya one day when some wide boy pulls up on a scooter, a foreigner trying to sell me a boat trip, the Spanish Magaluf type wide boy selling booze cruises -  just walked away and left him there, ****, Thailand has all that already, its nothing new to them.

It was not all Roses, Thailand killed a mate of mine, I should say he killed himself, he was ex merchant navy, divorced, heavy drinker and loved ladyboys (the one I mentioned below called 'New'), he would go to Thailand between shifts on the boats, new ladyboy everytime until he did actually I think fall in love with 'New'.

He died of Hepatitus, I never knew if he contracted aids or not, never asked him and he never said, he always came to see me when he was back in UK, he liked the wife to cook him Thai food. F*ck me he was thin, not skeltal but not the guy I used to go to Thailand with (he's the guy who crashed the motorbike we were on when I broke my leg)- I was in hospital bed ridden and visitng hours were anytime of day (TIT), most nights he would come to hospital to see me and bring his latest ladyboy with him, also brought some beer awell).

I am not talking about 21.00 here, I'm talking about 03.00 am in my room. Ladyboy pouring me beer and fussing over me, great fun, sure do miss those days and my mate Dave, sad really as I only found out after he died that he was at a hospice where we live, his twin brother came to tell me he had died, of course I was disppointed at not seeing Dave before he died but his bother said he did not want any of the 'lads' to see him dying at the hospice, his wishes so fair play o him, selfish of me to say I would have liked to see him before he left, but I have the memories of the crazy times we had together, and they really were crazy.

Strange thing his twin brother told me was that Dave had given him a letter for his wife, strange I thought he's been divorced for years - but Dave had apparently married his ladyboy in Thailand and she would not know he was dead - his brother sent the letter and gave me a copy to take to her if by any chance I could find her, I knew roughly where she used to work but did not expect her to be there if she was now maried (I was taking my 18month old daughter to see her grandparent etc in Thailand), Dave's brother Alan was concerned the letter might not get there, I was asked to go to the bar where she worked to see if she was there, it was a bar at the top of Patpong, top  of second street I think, memories fading.

Never did find 'New' she was either off with some bloke (cynical me) or back home, I believe she went home as Dave earnt really good money and his brother told me he had given 'New' money to build a house back home - in thailand you can buy a house or just buy land and build your own house, a Thai has to own the land. The working girls and boys do not realy want to be doing what they do, many do give it up when they find a 'keeper' but many also lie and milk three or four boyfriends at once for money.

Sawadee Pi Mai !

Are you all that ugly or socially inept that you cannot meet a nice girl at home and have to basically go and buy one ?

Guess we probably all are premier. We can't all be heroes like you darling

kisses sweetie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Post us a pic Mobo ....

"Are you all that ugly or socially inept that you cannot meet a nice girl at home and have to basically go and buy one"
Wot a Plonker !

When wifey and I fly into the UK after spending weeks in Thailand ...it's like flying back into the "Dead Zone"
All the long faces ...UK is a **** hole !
Thailand ...they don't call it "the land of smiles" for nothing.
Chok dee Krap ...AFTERTHOUGHT

guess i touched a nerve with the durty aul lads who have to pay to get their willy wet

Water off a ducks back mate ...your post means nothing !
There's plenty to see and do in Thailand without bringing sex into it !
Having breakfast on the Terrace at the Oriental overlooking the Chao Phraya river watching all the long tail boats zooming about ...life doesn't get any better than that !
There was I sitting in Stony's Bar - walking street in Pattaya...there was Jimmy White walking along, two girls on each arm and a minder trudging along behind him ...
Jimmy's face was covered in red lipstick where the girls had been kissing him.... 
Jimmy was obviously having a good time.

Has anyone mentioned NOT to buy ant precious stones in a once in a lifetime deal yet?

Thailand appeals to the Benidorm crowd. Lower class lemmings having it large!

Most unseemly.

Jimmy also likes it in Pattaya - mate who lives there has a photo with him at Tims bar on the beach road, just up from Soi post office. Quite a few of the snooker brigade end up in Patatya after the China Open.

You can guarantee anyone who mentions how sad you are having to pay for it has definitely not been and experinced the land of smiles.

I defy any married man to go there alone, for whatever reason and not get stuck in - its no different than buying a bird drinks and food over here, you are still trying to s*ag her - land of smiles saves all the false sentiment and bullshit chatting up - two consenting adults conducting business - thats capatilism I believe.

My opinion is its much more fun than sh*t holes like Amsterdam and Hamburg, the western worlds attempt to mimic Asia. In Hamburg the bird will light a cigarette, place it beside the bed and you've got to be done and gone before the ash falls, or else your fighting bouncers - great fun.

I do like culture but not as much as beautiful women telling me how gorgeous, big, generous, strong, virile, hung and handsome I am.

Quite honestly almost anywhere in what I would describe as the Far East is an adventure.
I really wonder at these ignoramuses on here. This premier boy sounds like my friend naysayer - you know - one of the miserable gang who want to clamp down on fun.  Don't venture any further than Calais Mr premier.  It's full of foreigners!!!!!

Ah I see unless you're a sex tourist going to a poor country to take advantage of shockingly poor women who have to sell their body to make money you're an ignoramous and no fun That's your justification

Good man mobo, how sad is it that you have to travel halfway around the world and pay to get the ride

Mormon alert !

Just keeping the economy bubbling !

Just look upon it as a tip for being a tour guide rather than a payment.

Haha

Sure it's freebie night for new year - can't quite remember, maybe I was lucky and she just forgot to charge me - or maybe I was just so gooood - hey ho!

Saying everyone who goes to Thailand is a sex tourist is like saying everyone who goes to Ireland drinks Guinness.

exactly, some on here probably haven't even thought about the dentistry.

There re more Brits murdered in Thailand every year than in any other country(UK not included)

**** happens, when I was there it was usually drug related, bangkok and outskirts of pattaya for tourists - also the islands - it was not rife but has probably gotten worse as more druggie youngsters from Europe learned about the full moon party and such. Have to say I can't remember anyone taking drugs, maybe they were but I just assumed they were pis*ed like me, drugs and those beautiful girls don't go together, mind you there were girls on drugs but it seemed to bars in certain areas.

A lot of people don't realise but their is an Arab section right down the bottom of town, those hypocrites are there drinking, shag*ing and doing drugs. Most girls won't go for them as they are gang bangers, it used to be a lot of older girls who were past their sell by date - girls who were prepared to take it up the chutney locker by a rag head.

It's never been quiet but 20 years ago it was much better - I wouldn't go to a main tourist spot now - I'd go more local, 'Going ****' I used to call it - I just can't master this PC thing.

Kanchanaburi (River Kwai)little bit touristy but you are in the Jungle.

Chiang Rai (not Chiang Mai)

Nong Khai (you can usually get into Vientian in Laos for a day without a Visa - You think Thailands cheap and has beautiful women then get a load of Laos.

Life is not valued much in Asia, you can get someone murdered quite cheaply, guns are easy to buy, there were shooting just outside Pattaye in Chin Buri but its quite a way from the tourist part of Pattaya, its a big town.

The cost in the old days to have a farang killed was about 10,000Baht- about £250 at that time which is not much to us but a fair bit to a lazy drug addicted Thai man.

If you buy the local papers you see all sorts of violent murders, they don't hold back on the pictures, allthe blood, snot and guts is shown. I remember one page where you could see a dead body on the road behind the police officer who was at the front of the picture holding the driving license up to the camera so the actual magazine page shot was a picture of the dead guys driving license with his dead body and bike in the background - subtle !

Pictures of people with there brains blown out were quite common, a lot of murders in the poorer villages. Whenever I was at mother in laws I was always on my guard even though I could see no immediate threats my wife knew there was and told me not to walk through certain areas alone.

Were all gonna die someday, my buddy Dave died doing what he loved, easy to say but in hindsight he knew what he was doing, I think the human mind is a strange thing, no matter what we do that we know its dangerous or bad for us yet we still do it believing we are immortal and we'll be alright, it won't happen to us.

I have to admit that I am probably lucky, yes we all know you should bag up when out riding but when your pissed you become even more invincible and I have had quite a few bareback rides out there so am just lucky, didn't get away completely clean but seemed to avoid the big one, crazy really but I think inside us we all have a death wish, we know it's coming one day and some of us don't mind if comes a little early as long as we've had a good go at life.

Sad but a fact of life.

I remember sitting in a bar one day watching TV and they reported it all kicked off the first time with Iraq, we were all thinking about if we would get home cos we stupidly thought we had to fly across Iraq. Still that **** going on now, unbelieveable really - there we were up to our nuts in it and a couple of thousand miles away there was a f*cking war going on.

Spookily when they caught Saddam in his hole I was at the airport in Thailand waiting for a internal flight, saw it on TV, of course I was p*ssed and saw one of those tacky dancing dolls in a shop at the airport, it was Saddam, beret, guns, knives and grenades, he would dance and sing Hey Macarena - I bought him but my wife couldn't see the joke. F*ck knows where he is now, I can't even remember bringing him home from Thailand, he was quite big, I think he must have been hand luggage and I left him onboard, probably worth a few quid now, memorabilia for a sadistic collectors item.

Of course not everybody who goes to Thailand goes as a sex tourist hitman. I know many who have gone, mostly couples and they say it is a beautiful country, I will be honest and say it is not for me I think, have never done Asia, done the Americas (North and South).

However have you read this thread? All those who have been there have mainly talked about is picking up prostitutes in bars so an educated guess would say a big part of the allure of Thailand for them is the easy availability of a cheap ride.

Mikael d'argeant  I went to Thailand as a 28 year old single male and had a ball doing what most 28 yr olds do so pls don't insinuate that I'm some sort of weirdo. There's a good chap. I take it you have never been there yourself ? If you had I very much doubt you would be making such pathetic comments.  I can't even be bothered to go I to the mechanics of how Thailand works as a country but it is not based on young girls sleeping with dirty old men for money .

Sure it happens Premier. Just think it's a shame that people are all tarred with the same brush and that such a beautiful country is represented mainly for that reason. I have a friend who has been going to Thailand since the mid eighties. He met a Thai girl and had a son with her.Despite splitting with her after a few years and marrying an English girl he still supported his son and visited him all his life . His son is currently in University. He's as far removed from a sex tourist as you could possibly imagine but I'm sure the stigma is still there for the narrow minded.  In the eighties and nineties I think Thailand had a magical and spiritual pull for many people just like India as it was regarded as a very safe place to go  and people would travel there for months on end but I think it's changed a lot now. McDonald's and KFC all over the place and  become very westernised.

How does the gorgeous premier know all about this when he SAYS he has never been there??  Do you think he has been spurned by the lady boys??
I really don't like the lies and aspersions he spreads though.  Just wondered what evidence he has that I have paid for sex in Thailand??

Talking about paying for sex, I wonder how much it costs him to keep a wife or girlfriend - but we daren't call that PROSTITUTION as us feminists often call marriage etc.  Glory boy has never paid for sex, except he has shelled out tons on girls to impress.

He is a lovely boy

Have you though?

Thailand ...Land of smiles and full of surprises...
So here was I riding a motorbike between Pattaya and Jomtien at dusk ...coming from the opposite direction ...something quite wierd ..as it got nearer I saw it was two mopeds mincing along strapped between them  - a phucking double wardrobe.
Only in Thailand ???   
Every day a different adventure/experience...

I'm an ugly f*cker you see, ugly as f*cking sin. I didn't go for the s*x, I went in search of a soulmate, a companion who would take me for what I was, an ugly f*cker. Thai women have a sixth sense, they can sense a person who has love in their heart, they could sense that in me. They wanted to help me, its the Buddhist way you know. Appearances are nothing to them, it's all about the heart.

I told them I lacked self confidence because I was an ugly f*cker. 'Oh no' they insisted, 'you handsome man', 'you velly nice'. I didn't fall for their deception, I wasn't having any of their sweet talk, I knew I was an ugly f*cker. I drowned my sorrows in alcohol, there snide patronising comments intimidated me, 'handsome indeed', I felt threatened and had to defend myself, I talked dirty to them hoping to scare them away, I unzipped my fly and shook my p*nis violently at them, but they just patted it away with their bare hands. They laughed in my face and said 'Okay, no problem'. I tried to leave but they stopped me, I was captive, I feared for my life.

I was paranoid I would be abused and violated, they were out control. They surrounded me, one sat either side of me and then another sat on my lap and proceeded to gyrate her hips, pushing her firm petite a*s into my groin, obviously some sort of Asian torture technique learned from the vietcong. The two either side of me proceeded to put their tongues deep into each ear, twisting and flicking their tongues, warm breath, the smell or perfume, it was agony, I felt like I was going to explode!

I became drowsy, I suspected my drink had been spiked, I heard soft beautiful voices as I faded into a dreamy state 'Oh me so horny', 'Oh me so horny','love you long time', what sort of devilish trick was this I thought, white noise torture. The last words I remembered was a sweet angelic voice saying 'Let's f*ck him'. 

I was dragged screaming from the bar and taken to a sordid, dimly lit room with just a fan, I couldn't breath my heart rate was at 200 bpm, I thought I was going to pass out, 'No' I shouted, 'Stop', they laughed in my face as they threw me onto the bed like a rag doll accompanied by sinister smiles and giggles .

They stripped me, I was putty in their hands, all my strength had left me, I feared for my life and then remembered a special forces documentray I once saw, when captured you must play the 'grey man', you must not antagonise the enemy, be submissive, it might save your life, this was my only chance, if I resisted they would kill me, I must submit.

It was they who forced the sex upon me, I said that's not what I came for, 'Liar', 'Liar' they chanted, they were having none of it,

Day after day, night after night I was abused. It was they who made me wear their underwear, they who walked up and down my back in their stiletto heels,  they who made me lick, and lick, and lick until my tongue was as dry as a camels a*s and the floor was spotlessly clean

I was hooded, whipped, smeared in baby oil and beaten systematically, my pleas for them to stop went unheard. Two of then wrapped their arms around me, I was a sandwich in a 'death hug', tighter and tighter they squeezed until all my bodily blood was pushed into my p*nis, it was sheer agony, their n*pples digging into my flesh, I would be scarred for life.

You simply have no idea of how traumatised I was, I feel I was raped both emotionally and physically, I was a compete wreck,traumatised for the rest of my life. For years I was forced to return to Thailand and confront my abusers, I was told that to overcome the fear of sex I must confront it head on.

I'm still traumatised now as you can see, more therapy needed, where's my passport !




Another really special gift the girls have is nationality spotting, I was at a bar by the beach road, there was a few of us and some bar girls sat at a table right by the road, we could see everyone as they walked by. As a bloke walked by one of the girls shouted 'Hey Mr Italy' come sit down have a beer', I was amazed when he replied in Italian. She said she could tell by looking where we were from, she proceeded to guess more nationalites as men walked by, she had a pretty good strike rate for both men and women, around 70% I would say  - strange people the girls of Thailand- miss them dearly.

Very traumatic AFTERTHOUGHT...I also went through torture in Pattaya - but not nearly as bad as you ..
I was walking down the walking street (in Pattaya) and about half way down I was accosted by a Thai Lady who insisted that I must go to the "Diamond Beach" massage (torture) parlour.
Oh my God ...I was bundled inside taken to a dimly lit room made to undress and with a ceramic tiled bath in the middle and a Lilo on the floor ...was this going to be the "famed water boarding" I'd heard of ?
Anyway a scantily clad female about 20 years old came in looked at my quivering naked body ...and told me to get in the bath, turned on the Taps and went out again ???
I was on my own ..naked in the bath ...pretty soon the bath was overflowing so much so the Lilo was floating around the room.
What am I supposed to do ???
Anyway shortly after ...the beautiful young Lady re-appeared and ordered me to get out of the bath ...and lay on the Lilo !
She then completely stripped off ...and covered herself head to toe in "baby oil" provactively rubbing the baby oil all over her body ...including well into her "private parts" ...she then dived onto my naked body and girated all over me in every conceivable position.
Was this the famed "body to body torture" I thought ...I was completely helpless! 
I think my poor litle chap be-grudgingly entered all her holes ...it was sheer phucking pleasure ...sorry torture
What was she doing to me ...I was traumatised ....will I ever recover from this ???
She then told me to get dressed ...I had to pay a small ransom - they then let me go....
I keep asking myself ...did this traumatic event really happen ...or was it all a bad dream.
I'll have to go back ...re-trace my footsteps - see if it happens again !

sounds like you are both suffering from ptsd (post thailand stress disorder)

A Thai hooker exploiting you. The irony!

hitmanhearn    01 Jan 16 09:27 
Mikael d'argeant  I went to Thailand as a 28 year old single male and had a ball doing what most 28 yr olds do so pls don't insinuate that I'm some sort of weirdo. There's a good chap. I take it you have never been there yourself ? If you had I very much doubt you would be making such pathetic comments.  I can't even be bothered to go I to the mechanics of how Thailand works as a country but it is not based on young girls sleeping with dirty old men for money .

No, I've never been there myself, nor do I intend to. I presume my post is the only one you've read on this thread since, unlike you, everyone else who has been to Thailand has regaled us with stories of all the clap-ridden wh0res, and the occasional shemale, they befriended. One has even pointed out that you get more 'bang for your buck' when dealing with Asian prostitutes, as opposed to their western counterparts.

PS. They mistreat crocodiles too, although I've never done it with a crocodile either so probably don't know what I'm talking about.

People just don't understand Rock - It was worse than f*cking Guantanamo Bay and those luck f*ckers got to keep their clothes on.

I went to the Police to file a complaint, but they just laughed in my face, they merely tarred me with the same brush they used for all the genuine s*x tourists.

If it happens again I won't know what to do, it's not safe for me in Thailand so I think I will go to Manila instead, surely it must be safer there.

HOLDING THE MORAL HIGH GROUND BLINDS YOU AS THE CLOUDS BLOT EVERTHING OUT HAHAHAHHA

ah  at least one spoil sport has appeared today - bah humbug - of course kants are useful and he certainly isn't

ANOTHER EXPERT ON THAILAND WHO HAS NEVER BEEN THERE

MY MUM'S THE SAME - WON'T LET ME OUT - SHE SAYS IF THOSE WOMEN GET HOLD OF YOU !!!  YOU WILL GET ALL SORTS OF DISEASES!!!

MUM SAYS SHE IS ALL THE WOMAN I NEED!!!

mobo    02 Jan 16 14:39 
ANOTHER EXPERT ON THAILAND WHO HAS NEVER BEEN THERE

I've never been to Mercury but I know it's hot.

Your mum sounds more clued up than you do tbf.

MY MUM SAYS DON'T LIVE IN AN IVORY TOWER

YOU MIGHT FALL OUT

I don't, I live in an end terrace.

MY MUM SAYS DON'T F*CK WH0RES. IT MIGHT FALL OFF.

PRICKS DON'T GET TO FK ANYTHING YOU BIG TART

Spoken like a true virgin.

As if I care AFTERTHOUGHT ...you and I know the truth.
Thailand is a wonderful place to holiday.

I notice kenbo keeps returning to this thread do you think he would like to come out
and have a look at Nana or soi cowboy.I am in Bangkok at the end of this month i could
show him round.i hope to visit a friend in pattaya I  could take Kenbo to the coconut bar
555.

"Are you all that ugly or socially inept that you cannot meet a nice girl at home and have to basically go and buy one"


Little fact for you. Most men who buy sex are married or have partners. Now just let that sink it for a minute

Here's another fact. Most men are married or have partners. You see the correlation?

Men who pay for sex are most likely to be single

Source: University College London and Home Office

So it's a fact, huh Plat?

And here appears Deepblue.

Why aren't I surprised that you go there to get your rocks off? I bet you're like a kid in a sweet shop knowing they won't say no to you over there.

Another fact to add............. 40% of Thai hookers are 18 years old or younger. Whatever floats your boat!

another epic fail Kenbo you assume to much,I go to work i dont only
work in Bedford as you and your equally inept friend divi bird think.where did i say I went
there to get my rocks off? i know the truth gets in the way of your fertile imagination.as for hookers i am sure you would know more about that than me.
a fact from another source i have heard is that 90% of females in Pattaya are available.

Your "facts" are wrong. Do your homework.

Anyway, point I was making (which seems to have flew over a few heads) is the myth about the motivation.
It's not men that can't get or have no access to sex, its just men that want more sex. Really simple stuff.

I did a little bit of homework! If you have other stats, let's see 'em. I quoted my source, even if it's wrong.

Kenbo likes to play devils advocate
so will go along with anything that suits his mindset,as you can
read from his posts that he is very judgemental without thinking.

I can't help but smirk when a bloke tells me he's of to Thailand, it must be the cynic in me.

Enjoy your time there Dippy. But it ain't for me, I'd rather sh@g a bird who's up for it instead of travelling half way round the world to pay someone.

Kenbo what don,t you understand about the bit where i said i was going to work,nevermind you will only see what you want to see.anyway you should broaden your horizons and not be so judgemental.
maybe a night out drinking with a ladyboy would help you.

It looks like you were telling me that you worked. You need to be a bit clearer when you're typing out a reply, Salmon Spray was right about you!

I didn't realise you were working out there. I take it prostitution is only for holidaymakers then?

You don't have to be in Thailand to go for a drink with a ladyboy!!

There's far to much talk on this post about Thailand and sex ...
Thailand has fabulous Hotels, Oriental, Shangi La ..and in Pattaya - the Roayal Cliff voted the best Hotel in the whole of Asia...and plenty of other Hotels all good value to suit your budget.
Beautiful climate, fabulous food ...and they love the British.
Great places to go and see ...we always hire a long tail boat ...go up river in Bangkok to the zoo and snake show.
Just outside Pattaya go to the Tiger Zoo.
And in Pattaya hire everything from a Jeep to a Fire Blade to a Harley to a moped ..all at good rates. 
And the shopping ...fantasitic - having travelled most of the Planet I don't know of any other place on Earth that gives so much value.
Oh ..I play guitar so visit the Rock n' Roll Bars with live music ..and seen some phenominal Thai guitarists !   
I love the place ...sex or no sex for the reasons above  - I'd still go there.

MY MUM SAYS HAVING A GIRLFRIEND IS EXPENSIVE : AND AS FOR A WIFE!!!   WOULD IT BE CHEAPER TO HAVE A LADY OF THE NIGHT!!??  HOW MUCH DO WIVES COST TO RUN??

I do realise that, Ron.

Is Mobo O.K, or is he always a bit unbalanced?

MY MUM SAYS I HAVE TO GO AND WASH MY MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP.  THEN APOLOGISE TO MR MAGNET HAGNET OR WHATEVER, FOR BADMOUTHING HIM ON HERE COZ HE IS RIGHT(AT LEAST MY MUM SAYS) - I PROBABLY DRANK TOO MUCH WHITE LIGHTNING TODAY.   MR MAGNET IS RIGHT ABOUT KNOBS - I ACTUALLY KNOW SOMEONE ON HERE WHO HAS DONE IT AND HE IS IN TROUBLE OR AT LEAST HIS WEANIE IS - SO MAGNET  YOU ARE RIGHT.

MY MUM SAYS YOU MUST NOT SAY ANYTHING OR SHE WILL SOO U.   SOUNDS LIKE A LADYBOY'S NAME.

I AM TRYING, AND FAILING, (WHILST LISTENING TO JOHN LORD) TO EMULATE A RATHER FAMOUS FORUMITE!!!

HE IS RATHER OLD AND WENT SO MANY TIMES HIS KNOB HAS WORN AWAY  HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

KENBO

MY MUM WANTS TO KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

SHE SAYS LITTLE KIDDIES GET THEIR EARS BOXED WHERE SHE COMES FROM!!!!

kenbo your floudering now just admit that you got it wrong and get off your high horse.salmon spray jumped to conclusions like you and add the guts to admit .have you ?
as for dirty old men going to thailand for sex and taking advantage of the poor thai ladies
let me tell you that most of them run rings round farangs when it comes to money and are far
too clever for dopey blokes that fall in love.
i know it doesn,t suit your thinking but most see men as walking ATMs and act acordingley.
that is just for balance for your argument,it,s a business deal.

"Is Mobo O.K, or is he always a bit unbalanced"
Definateley unbalanced ...

Dippy. My first post on here said "I just think of dirty old men whenever someone says their off to Thailand. Sorry TTO". I went on to say it looks like a fantastic place.

A few people are revelling in their memories of the place (and they don't seem too bothered at what I think), while a few others are offended at the sterotype (they're the ones I'd be worried about tbh).

But honestly, do you really think I give a fook what people get up?

Mobo, shout down to your mum and tell her I live in Loughborough.

YOU SPOIL SPORT - THAT'S TOO FAR FOR HER TO COME - ONCE YOU HAVE SEEN THE STATE OF HER LEGS

YOU HAD BEST COME HERE TO GET YOUR MEDICINE!!!

Condemnation without Investigation is the height of Ignorance!

I have no idea how old any of my girlfriends were, I'm not sure even how many of them were even girls.

Of course a gentleman would never lower himself and be so bold as to ask a lady her age.

Chivalry is not dead and when it comes to women, those suckers fall for it every time - until women evolve and develop
a better taste in men then 'I' am what they will continue to get!

Anyway they are all f*cking liars, also they are very petite and some who look 15 or 16 are in fact way past 18 so it makes it really difficult to tell.

I have probably sha*ged better looking men than some of you have sha*ged women

When I met my wife she told me she was 25, turns out she's 35 - liars all of them. We have two kids so I was obviously right at least once.


She's pretty as a daisy,
But look out man she's crazy,

You're gonna need an ocean, of calamine lotion
You'll be scratchin' like a hound,
The minute you start to mess around,

Coasters have obviously been to Thailand.

Those not in favour of our carnal, multicultural escapades need to keep posting or else, as from your continued silence and absence it shall be construed that
'Ye shall beith' on that plane to Thailand. Go get um boys, their ready and waiting.


I had another flashback last night - I remembered when me and my mate were in the clinic waiting room, three or four girls in there as well waiting for test results etc. Nurse comes out and calls my mate in with this girl who was sat next to him (hee hee she thought they were together), mate goes in room giving me a strange glance over his shoulder.

Doc asks him to drop his pants and the girl to do the same (they never ask what's wrong with you as they've heard it all before and it’s not that type of clinic you go to with a cough).

Now my mate and this girl look at each other but for some reason he still keeps pulling his trousers down whilst looking at her, F*ck knows why he did not say anything cos the doctor spoke English, eventually the girl muttered something in Thai and the doctor realised they were not together so just asked then to turn away from each other - not for one of them to leave the room but just turn around - it’s a great place.

I was living with this bird in her room, but I used to f*ck around. She came in the bar one day and slapped me in front of everyone and said ' you give me itchy fanny', I did not know what the f*ck she was on about, I was all high and mighty how I would never do that, I had no itch - within an hour I was itching like f*ck, and within 2 hrs any sign of moisture on my co*k was gone, it was as dry as a camels ass and my helmet had cracks all over it like a desert without water for 20years.

Doctor said I had a fungus - hey ho I thought - a few bob martins and right as rain again.


When I woke up in hospital after I had my leg pinned I noticed I was in a room with two beds, next to me was a women who had just given birth, really weird but I did not think anything of it because I was still groggy and hey this is Thailand after all.
Food came and it was something called 'Jobe', it’s just rice soup. About 15 mins later they came in and took me off to a single room with a TV and I was given a menu which had stuff like spaghetti bolognese and steak on it - I twigged then that the Insurance company must have confirmed they were paying the cost.

I had insurance and the paperwork made it all sound really easy, any problems just show this card and everything will be ok. Well this is Thailand and as I was being wheeled into the hospital this person appeared and started asking me all sorts of questions in English, name, etc, etc. I mentioned I had insurance and they said no good need deposit.

I’m laid on this stretcher, half pi*ssed, in agony, my legs clearly broken cos I saw it move at the shin when they picked me up – I was laid in the road, ambulance comes, two guys jump out and their first concern was get me out of the road, I was backing the traffic up on 2nd road, it is rather busy and gridlocked normally without some pi*sed foreginer lying in the road making it worse.

The ambulance guys never even looked me over, they were not the least bit interested with what was wrong with me, one picks me up by the armpits and the other grabs some material on the two legs of the loose trousers I was wearing. F*king agony when they picked me up as my leg moved.

In the hospital I did not know what the f*ck they were on about, they kept saying credit card, credit card. Did not have the miracle insurance card with me so mate popped back hotel and picked it up and brought it to hospital - everything will be okay now I thought, showed them the card and it meant f*ck all as far as they were concerned,I was in no fit state to call the insurance company and strangely there was no nukber on the card. All they kept saying was credit card, credit card - pointless really as I never had one and only had £100 left as we were going home in two days.

Everything went a bit blurry after that, I remember having an X-Ray and saw my mate at the foot of the bed who said 'Yep definitely broken, that’s you f*cked.' Then I remember having an ECG (nurse said in her best English that they were checking my heart was strong enough for the operation).

After that I was wheeled back through the main area and in comes a bloke on a stretcher, covered in blood and a f*cking machete embedded in his shoulder, all hell broke loose, people shouting in Thai at the ambulance guys - Mr Machete gets wheeled back out - upshot of it all as my mate later found out was he would have had no money to pay so he had to go to the poor persons hospital - at least there seemed to be one, my mate found out the hospital I was in Pattaya Memorial was where they would take all the foreigners who f*ck themselves up on holiday, they knew most would have insurance so it was good business.

Last thing I remembered before the anaesthetic took hold was signing a piece of paper on a clipboard the nurse gave me - I couldn’t read it so i just signed it. Dave my mate had a look and said its okay it just says if you die during the operation then its not their fault.

Anyway all went well, and after the op I met the doctor who spoke good English, he had trained in America for 5 years - I felt a bit better. Never had my leg in plaster at all, they just fitted a plate and screws and wrapped a bandage around it, like that for two weeks hobbling around on crutches in the hospital roomfor about 2 weeks.

Used to pop in next room and see a welsh guy in there with gout, can't remember his name but there were two welsh guys who had been made redundant so they came to thailand - they took a lease on a bar  - you cant own it but you can rent it and run it through a Thai, a lot of foreigners doing that in Thailand. They were lving there for free, free beer and women, all they wanted, they were running bar girls but poor f*cker had gout and never had any insurance either so I think the hospital stay took a big wedge from them. They were still running the bar when I left for home, probably just take a while ot get back on top of thing cash wise.

Because he never had insurance the food choice was poor, he never really took to Thai food, so the girls in the bar would cook something like sausage and mash and bring it to the hospital with some bottles of beer - I kid you not its not a problem to have women or beer in your hospital room.


2 weeks later I was out of hospital, then was told I had to wait another two weeks before flying. Every night though I still went out and got reasonably pissed, I was still at it like a f*cking rabbit - I had even been sh*gging in the hospital, the bird I was with would ride me and I could see the door from the bed - they probably would not have given a f*ck anyway.

Never had so much sympathy from the girls in the bars when I had the broken leg, they would see me swinging down the street on my crutches toward whatever bar, they would run out and help me into the bar, sit me down, serve me all night, mop me down with the little cooled wet wipes, free manicure, free ear clean, it was just awesome.

If you don’t go you will never know, I have always maintained that if a man does not ever go to somewhere like Thailand before he leaves this Earth and experience that side of things then he is missing something special.

I don’t for one minute expect any do gooder, god fearing, happily married, miserably married but afraid to leave her, only ever sh*gged one bird, married my girlfriend from school person, to grasp what I am saying – you just keep pumping away missionary style, you’re probably great but you will never know – in Thailand you’ll find out what you’ve been doing wrong for all these years.

OK ...here we go again - more sex
So wifey and I are enjoying life mincing about in Patpong market (Bangkok), haggling, shopping,visiting the Bars for a refreshing drink ..and we ended up in the Safari Bar.
I should just mention I have a stunningly beautiful wife (not my words others).
So we're in the Safari Bar watching the girls pole dancing, chatting to people, laughing and generally having a good time.
Then over came this beautiful very smartly dressed female manager...she was the boss - now most of the Thai girls are fairly petite - but not this one ..she looked about 25 lovely figure about size 12/14 ..and started chatting to us - asking us whether we're having a good time in Thailand etc ...of course we were.
Bu gger me she was paying more attention to the wife than me - Lesbian ???   
Anyway ...she ended up coming back to the suite in our Hotel....
What a phucking night ...paynment - not a penny her family were very wealthy and owned several Bars in Patpong. 
Sorry guys the rest is censored !
ONLY IN THAILAND ...   
Quote AFTERTHOUGHT
"If you don’t go you will never know, I have always maintained that if a man does not ever go to somewhere like Thailand before he leaves this Earth and experience that side of things then he is missing something special"
UNQUOTE:
Couldn't agree more AFTERTHOUGHT !

rockinron do you ever come across a guy called Lam Morrison he plays around
pattaya.I recommended some friends to go to his gig he but i forgot where he,s at.
any ideas TIA.

I love how these prigs come on here and talk down to you dirty old men whose peckers will drop off if you touch a girl (just because they aren't getting it or aren't allowed to get it)   MAGNET being one of them.  The best bit is you have been doing this for many decades and are getting much older or are even rather old and it STILL HASN'T DROPPED OFF - I know of one who has worn it away ha ha!!!   Don't you just dislike kill joys and priggish behaviour coming from people who haven't even bin there and only seen what is on SKYISLAM AND THE BBCALIPHATE

just got back in nov from my 5th trip to Thailand and still love the place,went to krabi for a bit this time , everywhere there has something different to offer.bridge over the river kwai up north with chang  mai, pattayais what it is  and  a little island south of that koh chang, just love that place,bangkok, go visit nana plaza, the worlds biggest adult playground.

Mobo kembo just text me and said to say sorry to you for being so rude,and
if your ever in loughborough he will slap your bottom for you.
but dont tell your mam.

It's a strange mind that thinks refusing to use the services of prostitutes is 'priggish behaviour.'

I AM JUST A NAUGHTY BOY - MY MUM IS ALWAYS SAYING SO

"rockinron do you ever come across a guy called Lam Morrison he plays around
pattaya.I recommended some friends to go to his gig he but i forgot where he,s at.
any ideas TIA."
No sorry deepblue ...havn't been to Thailand for a few years now after an unholy bu ggering by HMRC !
Like the Kinks song "The Taxmans taken all my dough" ,,

thanks for your answer ron ,funny you should mention the Kinks I was at waterloo station
last week.and thought of the kinks song waterloo station.

Rock is correct, we are only telling you what in our filthy minds is the tame stuff - Just like a lady, a man too is allowed secrets.

Explaining may cause distress to many on here, I am not 100% beast, just 99%.

Anyway the betfair naughty word police would edit so much of my eloquently descriptive prose that it would lose meaning, it just wouldn't be able to convey the true meaning of what had taken place, not always behind closed doors may I add. I do think the little devils leave the doors open on purpose so one may voyeur or indeed join if one so wishes to do so.

I am a freak of nature you see, unlike many whose brains contain hundreds of separate storage compartments for memories,  I only have two, not even one on the left and the right, just one on top of the other, with 25% of each half protruding from each ear. I only have two veins in my entire body, one feeding my brain and another supplying copious amounts of blood to my d*ck (there you see, my d*ck is not in my brain, but it is connected to it telepathically).

So I only have two memory boxes to work with, but still they are of a reasonable size, there is space to store a lot of things I need to remember. The problem is it’s just not practical to waste this storage space on sentimental tosh like memories of good deeds, birthdays, anniversaries, peoples names, doctors’ appointments, dentist visits, bills to pay, charity work, community work, affection and compassion.

It would be a complete waste space, as I do not partake in any sentimental tosh I don’t need any storage space set aside for it. I keep 25KB set aside for remembering people who pi*s me off, it’s never many because I don't give a fook, I rarely get annoyed, so don't use the space.

So that leaves me with approx 5,000 GB of space for debauchery. So I use my compartments to store what is most nearest and dearest to me, s3x. The top half is all the things I still want to do and the bottom half is what I have already done, I do believe the bottom half is getting bigger as each hour passes, take today for example, the Swedish au pair next door and the smelly fat bird in no. 58 have both helped me to add another 50MB of memories.

My constant flashbacks to all those sordid events are a bodily defence mechanism (nights, days and mornings often just rolled into one -it was impossible to know what time of day it was, akin to the euphoria experienced by 'whirling dervish' in a state of ecstasy)

What is happening is my bodies internal defence mechanism is protecting me, it is testing for Alzheimer’s.

The bottom part of my brain finds my stored dirty sordid memories, it then takes these memories and cleverly converts them into a film show of past events. I run and view this film using the reserve 25KB of memory space. So after I reviewed past events, the top half of my brain monitors and senses if I immediately proceed to go and whack one out, if so my brain knows I am still Alzheimer free.

Alzheimer’s is a constant worryo for people like me, because memories are all I have.

Must dash, the minger in number 33's just come home?

MY MUM SAYS MEN HAVE THEIR BRAIN IN THE END OF THEIR WIDDLER!!!

SHE IS RIGHT - I KNOW MINE IS!!!

Even your brain can't possibly be that small, Mobo.