Christmas presents you don't want to receive

Swimming trunks, as I can't swim.

More grandchildren - 4 is enough.

A copy of the Koran - I wouldn't read it, but I would enjoy burning it, and putting it on youtube.

Prayers might get answered most companies help desk phones do t get answered.

I have a recurring theory that a friend or relative will think "he likes racing" and therefore buy me Derek Thompson's autobiography "Too busy to die". It will be in a charity shop at the first opportunity if anyone does!

Fear not theory.

Can't say how many golf balls I've got but it's well over 100.

Also naff presentation gifts containing a cheap "Donnay" towel, 6 wooden tees, a ball and a score card and pencil, and a green dent repairer,
and most tasteful marker, to replace my silver "six pence".

I guess I could lose a few by playing left handed, with the long water hazard in front of me.

Getting drunk on Christmas Eve and waking up next to Clare Balding on the big day wouldn't be a good one.

A copy of the Koran - I wouldn't read it, but I would enjoy burning it, and putting it on youtube.....



are you salman rushdie in disguise...............

No, I'm Robert Mugabe.

thought you were taller

I was standing a long way from the camera.

black n white photo too

I spent over 140 quid on a nice present for my friend and his wife and what did they give us in return?


..... a wooden box with 3 small jars of ******* jam


I know it`s the thought that counts but ffs 3 jars of jam

Must have cost them about a tenner mac if that, I'd have given it back.

I don't really buy presents, just give nephews and nieces a few quid and that's about it.

Barton Bank     28 Oct 14 16:14 
I have a recurring theory that a friend or relative will think "he likes racing" and therefore buy me Derek Thompson's autobiography "Too busy to die". It will be in a charity shop at the first opportunity if anyone does!



No, best to burn it , and put it on YouTube. That's what all the nutters do.

Themightymac's story reminds me of one I heard about David Bowie. Apparently, one year, he bought his bestie Mick Jagger a new VHS video recorder - just as they were coming out and were pretty expensive. Jagger bought Bowie a tie in return which by all accounts p1ssed Bowie off no end!

nothig can be worse than last year , woke up in a police cell and got offered sweet and sour chicken for my dinner

A plane ticket to Liberia.