My dad has Dementia

So sorry dragon. It is a truly hideous thing. My Dad works with dementia patients every day. Some of the things he says are just so sad.

I'm sorry to hear that TD. I've never had much dealings with it myself (luckily), but my sister in laws father has it, and he doesn't even know who she is. It must be truly heartbreaking.

we are living too long and the brain cannot cope

all h-is monet gone in care costs

In such extreme cases, death would be so much fairer to everybody involved. All you can do is be there for your mum.

sad to hear dragon.
my gran had it but she was a happy sufferer....she forgot loads of stuff.
she would ask where her mother was etc....didnt know what to say..obviously she had died years ago.

hear storied of people who can get agressive or rebelious with the disease.
must be hard for the sufferers and families.

Exactly the same as my dad, Dragon.

The irony is that once he'd finally gone into care he thrived for another seven years in that state until finally succumbing to a heart attack. My mum meanwhile, having finally been relieved of the burden of living with and caring for him in that state, died of leukaemia within a couple of years.

His only other relatives were a couple of brothers-in-law, who visited twice a year. Two of his friends visited once and clearly did not like what they found. So I visited every week or two for half an hour. It was pointless visiting more frequently or for longer, as he would just get agitated and I would just be doing my own head in and make matters worse. I never really got a grip on what I should do or say or how to react.

Bear in mind that his experience of the care home, however unpleasant it feels to you, will be very different. Time and space will have lost all meaning for him, with his brain unable to add context and no longer functioning beyond what's immediately before him.

So my advice, from my experience and in my circumstances, would be to steel yourself and limit visits and interaction to whatever feels reasonably comfortable for you. Don't start feeling guilty that you're not doing enough or should be "helping" in some way. If you get out of your comfort zone, you might find your presence becoming counter-productive.

But that's just me and my dad. You'll just have to find out what works for you. For both your sakes try not to get frustrated if that's not quick or straightforward.

My Dad has it ,but he still recognises me and my brothers, and i think he is as happy as can be expected, as Jockey says, sometimes I think it may be a way of coping with old age.
I would guess that half the people in his home have it, but I have more sympathy for the ones who dont have it, and are in there for physical reasons,
as they have too much time to reflect on their life, and know that they are just there waiting to die.

dad is 84 and mum 85 they are old and getting to the end but it still hurts

morale is enjoy life coz it soon goes

Friends of ours, mother had it.  Her husband was looking after her for a long time but finally had to admit her into care.  He died of a heart attack 2 days later.

Not judging,was a serious question.

On a lighter note, my Dad has recently told me things from his childhood that he didnt think worth telling me before, but now mentions as matter of fact.
He recently told me that as a 14 year old, he and his Dad pulled a Polish pilot out of a burning plane on their field (his Dad was a farmer), who had crash landed on route to the local airfield. Sadly the pilot died soon after.

you have to remenber they wewre as young as us one day

moral is enjoy life

so many of us tend to go that way with age, as well, hope I don't end up the same, but I fear I may. The saddest thing of all is looking at old photos of our dearest ones when they were younger.

sad news dragon, keep ur spirits up

sorry to here that mate.....it's one bastárd of an illness........

thanks for the kind wishes guys much appreciated, poor mum has bee to hell and back with it, so much she said she wd rather him have cancer than this

screaming from beneaththewaves     03 Oct 14 20:32 
MadVlad 03 Oct 14 20:05 Joined: 23 Feb 12 | Topic/replies: 7,386 | Blogger: MadVlad's blog
Death seriously ?

Yes. Seriously.

If you think otherwise, I'd be astonished it you'd ever encountered anyone in this state.



My Mother suffered horribly in a number of care homes, before she finally passed away. I could write a  book on her,and the way this terrible disease changed her completely, and the agonising effect it had on my Dad. Her death was a blessed relief, believe me.

Agreed geordie.

wicked disease dad cant feed himself, toilet himself dress ,shave himself and so on, the worst part was/is his aggression and violence to mum after 57 years very happy marriage seems like a different person

he seems to be fading fast mum reckons he wont see the year out, now got a letter from the company who run the home he is in saying there have been safegaurding issues at the home ffs!!!